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Bad Movie Tuesday: Sharks in Venice

October 5, 2010

Sharks In Venice….starring Stephen Baldwin

The basic plot line goes like this. Baldwin’s dad is killed by a shark in Venice while he is searching for treasure. His employers are shady Venetians who want money. Eventually Baldwin the professor gets called to Venice and he brings his fiance. Shark carnage ensues. 

The opening shot of Baldwin is in a University classroom. I guess he is teaching something in chapter 4 because when he leaves he tells the class to continue reading chapter 4. He never comes back to the class and I’ve always wondered whether they finished Ch. 4 or not.  This teaching situation sets Baldwin up as an Indiana Jones type…..Albeit a non running, fat Indiana Jones.

Indiana Baldwin has a fiance whom he dubs “very smart” in a scene where oddly enough he is the only person sitting down. I guess after the 3rd take he had to sit down.

Eventually he is chased down by B roll shark footage and is able to utter a classic line.

“I can’t talk, I’m bleeding” this happens after he escapes the shark and ends up in a cave where I think he gets stabbed or harpooned….he might have even been bit by the shark.

They do capture him eventually. there is a scene where a tied up Dirk Pitt Baldwin is thrown into a boat and there is a resounding “thud” in which the bad movie crew rewound about 8 times.

Marco Polo Baldwin  and his smart fiance escape and are walking through a market where Baldwin goes off from the script where he says such gems as:

“look at these thingies”

“you like these thingies”

“Look at that thing”

the bad guys find them again and Columbus Baldwin must be really out of shape because he has a jogging double in this movie. Baldwin can’t even jog anymore! there is one scene of him running in place though.

Somewhere along the way the start using CG sharks. Probably the worst CG ever. A drunk guy who is being rude to his girlfriend gets eaten….then it is back to b roll sharks. I not sure if they ever go back to the CG.

This is a perfect movie to watch with friends. I remember seeing it costing $2 at a movie gallery closing and I didn’t buy it. One of life’s great regrets.

Some movies are bad, some movies are so bad they are good. Sharks in Venice transcends this by being so bad it goes past good and into great badness. 

NEXT WEEK: DIRECT CONTACT starring Dolph Lundgren

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