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Bad Movie Tuesday: Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus

October 21, 2010

Editor’s Note: Sorry this blog is a day late. apparently Honey Badgers are the most vicious animals on earth.

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus

Allegory on Consumerism or just another bad film?

Everybody loves a duel. Two people/creatures fighting each other. One survives. Add a 80s pop star named Debbie Gibson (Or Deborah Gibson these days), Lorenzo Lamas and some terrible CG and you have a shit sandwich.

Obi Wan vs. Darth Vader. Ernest vs. the Troll, Ali vs. Frazer, Nickelback vs. eardrums and now shark vs. octopus.

The movie starts with a pop star in an underwater sub somewhere frigid. Something happens and two large sea creatures are unleashed upon humanity. Oddly enough, the first thing the octopus attacks is a Japanese Oil Rig. This rig just so happens to be made of cardboard in places and faceless extras scamper while large tentacles snag them one by one. It’s rather ironic because octopuses squirt ink, which resembles gushing oil, so maybe the octopus thought it was attacking its cousin.

Of course, the pop star and Lorenzo Lamas decide that they want to capture the animals alive and study them. These creatures are killing hundreds of people and the government wants them alive. Why? If I were a general, I would lure them to the surface and have Danny McBride’s character from Tropic Thunder yell “big ass titties” and blow them to smithereens (check out Tropic Thunder. classic).

There’s a scene where a military jet is forced to fly LOWER AND LOWER to observe the Octopus. The Octopus swipes the plane out of the air causing a huge explosion that does not hurt the octopus or serve up any calamari.

Not only does the military lose a $100 million jet, but the audience has to watch Lorenzo act while he realizes that he made a terrible mistake.

Below is an artist’s interpretation of the event.

The scene that makes this movie famous is when the Mega Shark jumps out of the water and catches an airplane out of the air.

The physical logistics of this stunt are mind-boggling. How does the shark know when to jump? Why do they introduce the kind airplane passengers before the shark kills them all? What is the geometry involved in such a daring attack? The answer is all here in a nice little chart.

eventually, they realize that pheromones can be used to kill the two sea beasts. The two fight eventually. No animal is proclaimed the winner, which leads to the Golden Gate Bridge getting destroyed. Of course there will be a sequel. Megashark vs. Crocosaurus…..This film will star Jaleel White AKA (Urkel)

In the end, Mega Shark was a critical failure. However, if you measure success in life through Yahoo it was a smashing success. The trailer reached the top ten most watched of 2008 and is prominently promoted on the $5 DVD box at your local retailer.

Ed Wood would be proud.

Mega Shark will never jump the shark (Think Happy Days).

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