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Bad Movie Tuesday: Next

March 22, 2011

NEXT

I have a theory about Nicolas Cage. Whenever he is in a movie with crazy sci-fi stuff happening he under acts. Examples are Drive Angry, Knowing, Ghost Rider and  Sorcerers Apprentice.

When he plays a normal dude in a legit film he is great. Examples: Matchstick Men, Lord of War, Weather Man, World Trade Center, Adaptation.

Cage plays a normal guy in Weather Man who ends up carrying a bow and easily knocks people out. Why can’t he do this in Sci-fi flicks? I am constantly disappointed by Cage’s sci-fi films. I always want Cage acting crazy while in crazy situations.

The movie NEXT focuses on Nic Cage seeing the future and fighting terrorists. The only memorable aspect of this film is how bored everyone is. Here are two examples.

1. Cage dodges a bullet and his mullet hair flies in the wind.

Couldn’t you make the bullet dodging cooler? He never changes facial expressions.

2. A log truck overturns and Cage avoids them all……Boringly.

Why are there always log trucks driving around during dangerous situations? Why can’t there be a pastry truck when something blows up. Avoiding logs is lame. Why can’t pastries fly through the air? I would love to escape an explosion while eating a Maple Swirl doughnut from Tim Hortons.

Another sad thing is that Julianne Moore’s acting is bland and she wears a strange hat…..Any movie where her acting is sub-par you know the film is bad. I was just watching her in 30 Rock and I know she can be funny.

Also, Cage manages to charm Jessica Biel??????????….

The problem with this film is that everyone seems bummed. Even during crazy situations every one is bored.

Nailed Jessica Biel: Bored

Wearing Cool Jacket: Bored

Tortured: Bored

Tortured again: Bored

Heard about bomb: Bored

Disarming bomb: Bored

Phillip K Dick’s novel is pilfered. The dude writes such amazing interesting stories. It would have been easy to knock this out of the park. Instead they hit a high pop fly that bounces off of Jose Canseco’s head….Most people would laugh however.

Ball off of Jose Canseco’s head: Bored.

I really hope Nic Cage does another film where he plays a depressed Accountant who goes through a mid-life crisis. We might get this!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Lacey Hofmeyer permalink
    March 22, 2011 5:27 pm

    This is my favorite review yet!!

  2. Erik permalink
    March 27, 2011 2:55 am

    How could anybody be bored with an awesome jacket like that?

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