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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Mechanic

April 12, 2011

Elaine from Seinfeld would give The Mechanic this synopsis:

Jason Statham gets mad and yada yada yada everyone dies.

One thing I love about bad movies is that they can be unpredictable and offer moments of sheer joy. Like the shaman lady making it rain in The Last Warrior or the shark eating Sam Jackson in Deep Blue Sea. Heck, I remember years ago I went to see the film Paycheck in hopes that someone would fall out of a window so I could yell “Your paycheck bounced.”

There is something soul crushing about The Mechanic. Nothing is unpredictable and it is a dirty little flick that is taken totally serious. The movie tries to establish Jason Statham as the epitome of cool and definition of intelligent. However, he is a killer who’s only nice act is paying a prostitute with a heart of gold a bunch of money.

SPOILER:

He is the best Mechanic/hitman in the world yet somehow gets duped into killing his only friend and mentor. Then, Statham starts mentoring Ben Foster who is a total dirtbagious maximus. I read this at The Scorecard Review:

“If you are the best of the best it is probably not a good idea to add a drunk psychopath as your partner.”

After a quick training montage Statham and Foster begin killing a lot of people. There is nothing exciting about the murder and I actually began to twiddle my thumbs and look at the architecture of the theater. Sadly, it wasn’t one of those Egyptian themed Muvico theaters.

This has been happening to me a lot lately. I didn’t like Shoot Em Up, Machete or Faster. All three movies involve little plot, mucho violence and gore gore gore. They substitute character, plot and likability for dumb turned up to 11.

If you look at all the great action films (in my opinion) Speed, True Lies, You’ve got mail, Die Hard and Commando you like the characters. In Commando Arnold has to save his daughter and fight some skinny/fat Australian in a mesh tank top. Keanu had Sandra Bullock, Bruce Willis had the guy from Family Matters. In The Mechanic the world’s most boring hitman has a drunk woman beater. They should have brought back Tommy from Snatch.

Look at the two characters from the original Mechanic. Bronson rocking the mustache! You like them already!

The reason Die Hard is so beloved is because you feel for Bruce when he has to run over the shot glass. Also, You are genuinely worried about Sandra Bullocks character in Speed. I never witnessed a more nerve-wracking experience as when Tom Hanks sends that first email in You’ve Got Mail.

You feel nothing for the Mechanic characters. If anything rent the film if you haven’t thoroughly checked out the walls in your house and are in need of a great thumb twiddling.

Watch the Professional instead. Leon is an amazing character and Gary Oldman tears up the screen as the bad guy.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Nato permalink
    November 29, 1999 8:00 pm

    Jason Statham gets mad yada yada yada everyone dies.

    The tagline is “somebody has to fix the problems.”

    LOL

  2. April 12, 2011 10:42 am

    I drank your Mango juice….

  3. April 13, 2011 7:59 pm

    I LOVE Mozart!

Trackbacks

  1. Assassination Games « Movies, Films & Flix
  2. Bad Movie Tuesday: Mechanic: Resurrection (2016), perhaps the campiest (yet still awesomely fun) action movie Jason Statham has ever done. | Movies, Films & Flix

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