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Bad Movie Tuesday: Larry Crowne

December 27, 2011

Or as it is called in Russia: This poster hides the deep underlying problems that each and every character has….

This review stumped me. I hate being negative yet this movie annoys me. I’ve decided to tackle this film from a new angle. I’m gong to compare this film to songs by Liz Phair (Why Can’t I Breathe), Uncle Kracker (Follow Me) and Foster the People (Pumped Up Kicks). These songs are about sex, murder and adultery. However, mainstream audiences didn’t seem to notice because the songs sounded happy. Larry Crowne is similar to these songs.

I was driving along and the painfully bland song Follow Me by Uncle Kracker started playing. I was at a stop light when I said “wait….this dude is singing about adultery.” The mellow blandness kept the mainstream from noticing this. Also. Liz Phair’s song Why Can’t I Breathe is all about sex yet it doesn’t stop it from being on Fox Family television shows. Crudeness can be disguised in niceness.

I’ve read many reviews for this film in which the common phrase is “eh.” Roger Ebert compared this film to “bread rising.” Collider said the movie was “background filler.” No critic mentioned that Larry Crowne commits adultery with a married/alcoholic/depressed woman who is married to a pornography addict. I am amazed that nobody mentioned how detached this film is from reality. The reviews have led me to believe that nobody paid attention to this film due to its “faux niceness.”

Here are some of my thoughts.

Larry Crowne should be considered a fantasy film because it is obvious that the creators have lost touch with reailty.  They have created a world Phillip K. Dick would appreciate. By comparison Lord of the Rings and Clash of the Titans are more believable.

The film fluffily tackles  unemployment, porn addiction, foreclosure, alcoholism, divorce, depression and dropping out of school.

This is an odd film. There are no conflicts. When Hanks needs a moped he goes next door to his friend’s garage sale and buys a cheap moped. When he needs a job he goes to his friends diner. When he goes to school a guy picks his schedule in two minutes. The biggest stretch is that Larry Crowne immediately sells his house. In this bad market he sells instantly. Huh? Do rich people really think the world works like this? Did nobody mention this?

The most disturbing thing was that Julia Roberts plays a depressed alcoholic who is married to a live at home blogger that is addicted to pornography. These people are incredibly unhappy….yet they treat the situation with humor. When the man dumps Roberts he says “see you later A-cup.”

Sidenote: He said something to that nature. Either way it involved her being flat chested. Horrible stuff

Alcoholism is cured quickly when Roberts looks at her margarita and pushes it away. Also, an incredibly kind woman notices Larry’s moped and five minutes later he is in a moped gang. (he had to finger snap on time to be initiated). Ten minutes later he is wearing a scarf and his house is certified Feng shui.

Also, a big scene in the preview is when Roberts and Hanks smooch. Afterwards Hanks is celebrating while Robert’s watches through a peep-hole and she calls him “cute.” What they left out is:

1. Roberts is still married and she is incredibly drunk. Larry Crowne is happily committing adultery….and it is cute.

2. Roberts kisses him because she just had a fight with her husband in which he ends up getting a DWI. They are fighting because she refuses to hold cheesecake in her lap.

3. They never actually kiss….they just put their heads together and fake kiss. They don’t even smoosh their lips together. There is zero kissage.

This films nice message has kept audiences and critics from realizing how strange it is. I’m amazed that a films blandness has kept people from realizing what a bad movie treasure this film is. Watch it. Comment.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Ham Sandwich permalink
    December 27, 2011 1:49 pm

    Great review……Tom Hank’s almost never plays a character with flaws…Saving Private Ryan-Perfect self sacrificing leader, Cast Away-Perfect Husband, The Terminal-Perfect innocent foreign dude. In this flick his character was divorced by his ex, but how??? He is a great, funny, smart, understanding person who is always open to new things and goes with the flow….How could anyone divorce him??? I think Tom Hanks is in-love with himself.

    • Sweet Sugar permalink
      December 29, 2011 9:22 am

      Nice comment, Ham. I think Tom Hanks had a bad year so he decided to make a self-glorifying movie to feel better about himself. I usually just get a facial instead.

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