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Iron Sky (2012)

October 25, 2012

MY CALLSky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004) meets Sucker Punch (2011) in this genre-crossing mash-up disaster.    IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH THESE OTHER NAZI MOVIESDead Snow (2009), Hellboy (2004) and Inglorious Bastards (2009).

In this stillborn straight-to-DVD movie important questions are answered like “If we elect Sarah Palin into office will God smite us with space Nazis?” and “Can thousands of Nazis find sufficient resources on the moon to survive for 73 years?”  This film also confirms conspiracy theorists’ notions that a cadre of Nazis did, in fact, escape to the moon in 1945, brought a tremendous amount of machinery to mine elemental resources, built space artillery and warships with room-sized computers that rival the 1970s and propagated an army to return to Earth and reclaim the world in the name of the Fuhrer.

Iron Sky
Yup.  That moon space station is shaped like a swastika.

Well, that’s evidently exactly what Nazis did in this story.  They fled, somehow completely unnoticed, to the dark side of the moon where they used the Transformers as spare parts to weapons of mass destruction.  But things get interesting when a lost—yes, “lost” on the moon—American astronaut, James Washington (Christopher Kirby; Daybreakers), is captured.  He’s black, which really perturbs the Nazis.  But they get over it when they discover that his cell phone.  Evidently his SmartPhone has 100 times the computing power of all of the Nazis’ computers combined.  The real catch here, and the writers obviously saw how farcical this was, is that the Nazi “Death Star” wasn’t able to fly until they hooked up their ship’s computer main frame to James’ cell phone—which naturally he had on him…during a space mission…while moonwalking!  You know?  In case he wants to post a phone-taken photo of the Earth to Facebook.  Well, now the Nazis have what they need to invade Earth.  Mwahahahahaha!  But, oops, the phone dies and they need to procure more cell phone batteries.  STUPIDEST PREMISE EVER.  Based on the trailer, I had hoped that this stupid premise would be fun.  I had hoped…

Renate (Julia Dietze), who looks like Claire Daines, is the primary school teacher molding young Nazi minds and the resident expert on all things American.  So she joins her future hubby and Fuhrer-to-be Klaus Adler (Götz Otto; Cloud Atlas) on a mission to Earth with the now-Nazified, made-Caucasian Washington.  This is somewhat offensive and incredibly stupid.
This was a black man.
Now he looks like this guy.

They make James into a white guy who looks like Kevin Nash (Magic Mike, Rock of Ages), who is a D-star that’s more famous than the rest of the cast of this movie except for cult horror icon Udo Kier (Mother of Tears, Halloween).

To add more idiocy to this lobotomizingly brain-numbing story, the moose-killing President Sarah Palin lets two people in Nazi regalia enter the Oval Office and win her over with a world peace plan.  Is that all?  No!  No, it’s not.  What other nonsense can we squeeze into this clown car of bad ideas?  Well, North Korea is part of the UN and, for absolutely no reason at all and in response to no space threat whatsoever, Palin had a space warship the size of a small city “just in case” and Palin promotes her PR girl to space warship commander on a whim.  Then, Renate actually Zeig Heils someone to death.

The CGI, which accounts for almost all unearthly sets, ships and backgrounds, is acceptable but far from theatrical quality.  But when the “action” begins it all really falls apart—not that anything about this movie was good to begin with, other than a grin-eliciting story line.

Iron Sky

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Garret permalink
    November 2, 2012 11:52 pm

    Dear John,
    OMG, You really need to pull the stick out of your arse and lighten up!

    • johnleavengood permalink
      January 11, 2013 7:31 am

      I suppose my tone in writing this wasn’t obvious.
      This movie WAS horrible–and FUN. I was smiling most of the time I was watching it and I had a lot of fun ripping on it in this review. If I had a beer in my hand I’d probably say “and then the best thing about it was” instead of being sober and less animated while writing “to add more idiocy to this lobotomizingly brain-numbing story.” Trust me, I smiled as I wrote it and reflected.


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