Carnage
“Are you ready to watch four rich white people argue for 90 minutes?”
This is the question I asked my girlfriend before we watched a pedigreed cast of oscar winners/nominees engage in a battle of white-collar proportions. Oscar Winner/fugitive director Roman Polanski adapted this play into a single location acting fest. The result is a curious mix of curiousness. The best part of this film is that it is a dramedy. Not one of those depressed rich white people movies like Revolutionary Road.
It was nice to not see Christoph Waltz playing another bad guy like he did in Green Hornet and Three Musketeers. Also, it was fantastic seeing Jodie Foster back on the big screen. The best part is that Kate Winslet did this instead of a sequel to the fright fest known as The Holiday.
Arguing/humorous rich people are always better than depressed rich people. This movie runs through every emotional gamut that people can experience. It is also the first movie where you will hear John C. Reilly say “high falluting claptrap.”
A single argument about a school yard fight spawns a huge verbal brawl involving hamster freedom, plumbing, liberalism and cobbler. You will hear “what does this have to do with anything” many times in the film Carnage.
Christoph Waltz gets all the best lines in the film. His character has a cell phone attached to his ear and seems to be along for a ride full of scotch, cigars and Dutch tulips.
The fight takes multiple angles and makes unlikely allies. The couples express their unhappiness while under the influence of delicious 18-year-old scotch. The movie is a fun examination of the stupidity of arguments and the unhappiness involved in everyday life.
Watch Carnage. Realize how crazy your arguments can become. Go buy some beautiful scotch.
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Casa de mi Padre
Casa De Mi Padre is insane. It is like a step brother to Black Dynamite. They are both straightforward homages to telenovelas and blaxsploitation. They need to be shown together at late night double features.
It is impossible to fully explain Casa de mi Padre. It is a movie in which Will Ferrell speaks entirely in Spanish and wrestles with a fake lion. The movie plays it perfectly straight and you never see Ferrell breaking character or winking at the camera. Critics have been harping that it should have been funnier. However, I find the humor in the absurdity of playing it straight. The actors are incredibly committed and the props are cheap. This movie uses fake vistas, puppets and Canadian slim cigarettes in creative ways. There is also an interlude written by the first assistant camera man about how “lions escaped and got into cocaine and ate several of the crew.”
Casa is about a young man named Armando Alvarez (Ferrell). Alvarez is slightly dumb and a hopeless romantic. The opening scene sets up how the film will work. Armando walks over to a baby cow and picks it up. When he turns around it is a much smaller stuffed animal that is magically mooing. This is the first of many inconsistancies and liberties Casa takes.
Armando works his families ranch with his two best friends Esteban and Manuel.
Life is simple for Armando until his older, more successful and better looking brother Raul (Diego Luna) moves back into town to challenge big time drug dealer Onza (Gael Garcia Bernal).
Along with Raul is the beautiful Sonia. Raul wants to marry Sonia but she falls in love with Armando. Sonia is Onza’s niece. Onza loves Sonia in strange ways.
The two drug dealers engage in a battle of melodramatic bad dialogue. The arguing leads to Luna doing Scarface amounts of cocaine and Bernal smoking two Canadian slim cigarettes at the same time. Their war of words leads to many people getting shot in ultra violent and hilarious ways. I know hilarity and death don’t often go together but when you see this movie you will know what I am talking about.
Critics have been complaining that this movie is overly long. I understand their point but I was able to roll with Casa. It is a silly exercise in silliness. The movie is 88 movies from the beginning to end credits. It moves swiftly and offers up just enough laughs to keep you in your seat.I feel like most comedies are instantly forgettable whereas this movie has some funny scenes that stay with you long after the movie has ended.
I’d follow Armando on other adventures. He may stay around too long but at least you will have some genuine laughs.
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John’s Horror Corner: Drag Me to Hell (2009), a very Raimi, gastro-intestinal experience and a fun-filled grossout jump-fest.
MY CALL: A very Raimi, gastro-intestinal experience. Walk in expecting a fun-filled gross-out jumpfest and you’ll leave very happy. [A+] IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, Dead Alive, Black Sheep (no, not the one with David Spade).
Sam Raimi delivers a modern-style horror with a real budget in Drag Me to Hell. Now, I understand that a lot of people just plain HATED this movie. They complained that it’s not scary, it’s loud, and the ending was soooo predictable. I beg your pardon, but this is intended as a “fun” horror. So if you laughed during the movie, you hold your tongue! When on Earth has a fun horror been anything but these things? I found it delightful and timeless. Drag Me to Hell is a perfect horror movie. In case you thought I stuttered there, it is a “perfect horror movie.” Here’s what worked for me…
Drag Me to Hell is a morality tale, much as those of The Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt, about Christine Brown, a young woman who looking to ascend a bank’s corporate ladder. To prove she can make “tough calls” to her boss she refuses a loan extension to a venerable gypsy of dubious finances (amazingly played, too). If horror has taught us anything it’s that you never screw with gypsies or carnie folk—just look at what happened in Thinner. In proper gypsy form the hag issues the Curse of Lamia, a 3-day hex culminating in being dragged to Hell.
This plot kept my interest even during the normally slow backstory build-up phase. How? The slow parts are not actually slow. There’s are well-written office dramedies between the Christine and her office adversary (Stu, played by Reggie Lee of TV’s Grimm) and her future mother-in-law. Much like The Last Exorcism (2010) or Grave Encounters (2011), one might even be satisfied with the movie had there been no actual attempt at HORROR at all! A testament to good screenwriting.
Christine is played to perfection by Alison Lohman. She’s cute, peppy, credible, and has a serious gift for physical comedy. She’s at the center of all of the horror, which I found to come at the perfect frequency and, even with cheap tactics (sudden loud sound and camera angle changes), highly effective at making me jump. Raimi loves to put his actors through the ringer and Lohman comes off as a Fear Factor winner as she gets maggots, mud, blood, drool, and other fluids deluging her face. That’s the gastro-intestinal beauty of it all; every jumpy-scare is readily ensued by some unspeakably disgusting gag that makes you cringe and smile. Movies like this are most effective when watched with friends (and beer).
The remaining cast—her love interest played by Justin Long (Going the Distance, AfterLife), Dileep Rao (Inception, Avatar), and David Paymer (Payback)—are just there to watch Lohman decompose throughout the movie. But they all serve Raimi well as he shows his Evil Dead roots—even duplicating them—in later scenes in the best possible taste, including a malevolent goat possession which smacks of the cackling mounted deer head in Evil Dead 2. Other highlights include floating Raimi-demons, some sacrifices, and numerous other sequences which I wouldn’t dare ruin.
All good demon-curse movies need a seance. But it’s not really a party until someone vomits a dead kitten.
Kitten-vomitting scene….classic. No fun horror flick is complete without it.
If you are seeing this for the first time, see it on a 60″ in pitch black at night with all of the lights off (even that dim light over the stove that we all leave on during movies to find our way to the fridge safely). The more immersed you are, the higher you’ll jump and the more you’ll laugh. Walk in expecting a fun-filled gross-out jumpfest and you’ll leave very happy.
Classic Raimi-demon hover-dancing scene.
They say goats will eat anything–even aluminum cans. This one eats souls. Most evil goat EVER!
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Tokyo Shock: Helldriver (2010)
MY CALL: If you enjoy the occasional film featuring vehicles constructed from body parts and 8-limbed zombie sword fights, then this is probably right up your alley. For a Tokyo Gore Shock subgenre I give this an “A.” IF YOU LIKE THIS, THEN WATCH: Too many to mention. For guidance or an explanations in the subgenre please refer to my Beginner’s Guide to Tokyo Shock Cinema. I’ll mention two seminal favorites, though: Tokyo Gore Police (2008) and Meatball Machine (1999).
This typical/low-budget Tokyo Shocker begins with an odd man chumming a pack of some manner of zombie-demons with severed human body parts. As they feed on the anthro-carrion our chummer “fishes” for deadite heads using a sharp hook at the end of a rope. Then he removes something that could only be described as an evil wishbone growing out of their foreheads. We later learn that these “horns” are sued as street drugs, unstable explosives and are the source of undeadity in these zombies. When things get out of hand a random chick (our hero, Kika) with chainsaw-swords and some mean stripper pole skills comes to the rescue…what ensues is just plain silly…a truck flies through the air and Jenga’s a 50’ tower of zombie-demons, one of which a spine with a head at the end of it growing out of his head.
Mommy Dearest Eihi Shiina holding her daughter’s heart. We’ll call this her “before photo.”
This entrail-rich gem is typical of the genre. There are lots of arterial sprays unleashing floods of blood beyond reasonable human body’s capacity, detonating body parts, dismemberment galore and, of course, Kika’s backstory. As a young girl Kika came home to find her crazy bitch mother (Eihi Shiina) and her Japanese punk-redneck uncle in the middle of making sushi out of her father’s legs—in front of him with his legs flesh-picked knee down. Out of nowhere a meteor strikes the bloodlusted bitch “through” her chest. So naturally, she rips out Kika’s heart and uses it as her own. Then she turns into some space-zombiism typhoid Mary and plagues Japan faster than in 28 Days Later. She is then entombed in some hardened mucus cocoon, from which she emerges as the hive-mother space zombie queen. Meanwhile, a public figure from a secret government agency stitched up Kika and outfitted her like a samurai-ninjette with a lawnmower engine in her chest so that she could control infected populations.
Our hero, complete with chainsaw-sword and artificial heart/chainsaw motor.
And here’s mommy Eihi after her space-zombie makeover! She’s been outfitted with some lovely pearls, a demon starfish head-cap, and a rubber horn shaped like an old TV antennae.
Look at how happy (to slay all living things) she is in her “after photo.”
Unlike the devastatingly slow back-story-telling in Machine Girl (2008), Helldriver (2010) is much more effective and stylistic in explaining the origin of this space-zombie outbreak complete with news updates and slapstick government public health infomercials warning about the effects of using ground-up zombie wishbones like it was cocaine. There are even farcical advocates in support of the not-so-deceaseds’ civil rights.
Director Yoshihiro Nishimua (Vampire Girl vs Frankenstien Girl (2009); Mutant Girl Squad (2010)) learned a lot from writing/directing Tokyo Gore Police (2008). For example, everyone loves Eihi Shiina (Vampire Girl vs Frankenstien Girl (2009); Tokyo Gore Police (2008); Audition (1999)) and chainsaw fights are cool! Other nifty additions to this gore flick include an assaulting hail of zombie heads, a zombie miscarriage, a zombie dance party, a zombie head crotch bite, a chainsaw-sword up the tush, a car made out of body parts, and a 50’ tall zombie made out of other zombies that then turns into a giant zombie 747. The fights are most interesting mid-movie. The zombie baby, attached by the umbilical cord to zomb-mom, is used as a whip-dagger-harpoon. There’s a zombie with katanas “growing” out of it that has a sword fight with a bladed car. And there’s an eight-limbed, sword-spider-zombie nude acrobat chick with baby arm-tusks and a crotch hand. Say what? She’s probably my favorite.
For fans of the subgenre this is just plain, exploitative, super-gory fun. By the way, watch to the end of the credits. There’s a cute ending.
That starfish thing almost makes it look like she has Yoda ears.
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21 Jump Street
21 Jump Street may be a remake but it feels experimental like Anchorman. It is incredibly quotable and is loaded with a hilarious ensemble. 21 Jump Street puts the filmmaking world on notice that reboots do not have to be familiar. Normally, I’d fight against remakes but if you are going to make one they should all be like this.
The reason this film works is because it is aware of its remake roots and it boasts a hilarious performance by Channing Tatum. You really like the dude. I’ve expected that he is a good actor after recent turns in The Eagle, The Dilemma and Haywire. The directors and producer Jonah Hill make great use of Tatum. The not so slim Shady and Jenko the jock provide a fun team you want to see more of.
Channing is dumb and Hill is smart. Together they make a fun comedic team that infiltrates a high school in search of a fatal drug. They quickly find the cool kid drug dealers who are led by eco-friendly Dave Franco.
The two cops report to the admittedly angry/stereotypical African American captain played by a snarling/sassy sandwich eating Ice Cube.
What I love is that Hill becomes the popular kid and Tatum is the loser. The roles reserve and this allows the two to discover interesting things about themselves. They figure out that teachers are amazed at Tatum’s muscles and Hill can sing a swell Peter Pan jam. Along the way the two throw a gnarly party, engage in gun fights, flirt with 18 year olds and witness a massive, unexpected and hilarious explosion.
21 Jump Street deserves it’s 85% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and is proving to be a big box office draw. This makes me happy because we can expect a second time around with characters we like.
Go watch 21 Jump Street. Laugh, quote and realize that people have the right to be lawyers.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Sitter
It should be called “The rise and fall of David Gordon Green”
David Gordon Green (All the Real Girls, George Washington, Undertow, Snow Angels, Pineapple Express) has gone from Indie directing superhero to incapable of directing a cohesive film. If Your Highness was practice at mediocrity then Green has perfected it with The Sitter. David used to create beautiful landscapes and three-dimensional characters who were uniquely odd. However, in The Sitter he immerses the viewer in stock characters and 7,000 references to testicles and farts.
What Green seems to have forgotten is that you need likable characters to make a movie work. I realize that sometimes characters need to be jerks in order for them to come around. However, when you make them paint by the numbers jerks you lose the audience. When Jonah Hill walks into a house with children and automatically starts swearing at them it is not funny because it is forced. I can understand why a slacker wouldn’t want to babysit brats. However, it loses me when he threatens to punch them.
I’m thinking everyone involved with The Sitter thought the movie was going to be hilarious. This seems to be the biggest problem for comedies. They think swear words, scatological humor and abrasive moments can trump all. I feel like the creators preemptively tooted their own horns. They say the road to hell is paved with the best intentions. The road to bad movie mediocrity is overconfidence.
The plot revolves around Hill going on a journey to find cocaine in order to sleep with a terrible woman played by Ari Graynor. Hill begrudgingly takes the three kids along for a night of cocaine, ball punches and loud noises.
The best part of this film is Sam Rockwell. He plays an insane drug dealer who has a lair full of steroid freaks. Rockwell has the only inspired moments of the movie involving mixed tapes for victims and crying in the arms of a female body builder. SPOILER ALERT: He gets a rather unceremonious ending as his “nuts” get crunched by a gang.
There is a whole lot of ball humor kicking around in this movie. The unluckiest man gets his balls lit on fire while others simply get punched. There is a pivotal scene where a young girl talks about how her dad is cheating on her mom. Jonah Hill attempts to make her feel better by telling a story about how he double punched a guy in the balls. Later in the film she double punches a guy in the balls.
The Sitter is a movie about people doing ugly things. Comedies are not supposed to make you depressed. Not only is the movie bad but you hope that David Gordon Green can escape this mediocre world and get back to his independent roots.
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Wes Anderson Madness: Divisional Round
Hello all. Mark here.
Now that you’ve had time to mull over the brackets I’m going deplete the competition to 16 unique characters. The decisions were life changing and will most likely confuse.
The one thing you have to understand is that I love secondary characters. My favorite movies are Jaws (Quint), Dr. Strangelove (General Ripper), Royal Tenenbaums (not a spoiler) and Hot Fuzz (The Andys). These movies are full of wonderful supporting characters who make the films memorable.
Another example is that my favorite characters from this past years Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows and Kung Fu Panda 2 were second in commands to the evil bad guys. I liked them because they were the ones who got their fingers dirty and got little in return. The two villians were much more interesting than Holmes, Watson, Moriarty and a fat panda.
I am going to break down the Watersports and Cuss Spit divisions.
Mr. Fox talked his way past the friendly Henry Sherman (RT). In the end, the fox was able to make Sherman believe that he didn’t want to be in the competition and he should be happy with Etheline Tenenbaum.
The Badger (FMF) went hunting for Patricia (DL). However, this led him on a massive journey. When he found her he was a changed animal. Also, she disappeared when he was sleeping. He later found Patricia and joined her on a spiritual journey.
Richie “The Baumer” Tenenbaum finally put his feelings aside for his step sister and shot past her 6-0 6-0 6-0. This win gives The Baumer some serious momentum as he pushes aside his demons and gets rid of the song Needle in the Hay from his Ipod.
Finally, the only reason I included Dr. Peter (Rushmore) was because of his OR scrubs. I love how he set himself up for a killer Max joke. Francis Whitman makes quick work of the Dr. when he leaves himself open to another joke about thermometer usage.
Next up is the Cuss Spit division. The characters openly engaged war on each other causing mass family dysfunction and an eventual Anderson screenplay.
Anthony Adams (BR) was able to deliver a wonderful monologue about watersports which propelled him ahead the beleaguered Stephen McCole.
A resilient Alistair Hennessey and his band of seafaring young men were no match for the wonderfully moustached Jack Whitman.
Ash literally cussed and spit so much Bob Mapplethorpe backed down and started crying about his older brother. Ash lived up to his “muscle” title.
An unlucky Peter Whitman got matched up against the diminutive juggernaut known as Max Fischer. The competition was over before it started. However, the two became friends and Peter starred in his next play about an India train ride called “The India train ride.” The play was well received but the title was accused of lacking originality. Fischer responded with one sentence “What the F*^# do you call Romeo and Juliet?”
The 16 have dropped to eight. Three Schwartzmans, Two Lukes, a claymation fox, an Anderson favorite and a Owen.
The next post will focus on the Portuguese Bowie and Wildcat divisions. There will be bloodshed, pithy one liners and artwork of men on four wheelers.
Comment, complain, wear OR scrubs.
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Puncture (2011)
MY CALL: I enjoyed this movie and was impressed by Chris Evans, who managed to deliver “strung out and tweaky” simultaneously with the clever charm we expect from him. It’s no Rainmaker (1997), but it’s worth a watch if you like Evans’ work. [B/B-] IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: The Rainmaker (1997) and Runaway Jury (2003) demonstrate two different approaches to little guy-huge case legal-themed moves. And if you like Evans in somewhat darker roles, go for Push (2009). For a great tweaker-film, go with The Salton Sea (2002).
Evans holding a mock trial tweaked out, with no shirt, wearing an untied tie and suspenders.
In Puncture Chris Evans plays a charismatic drug addict (Mike Weiss) who is an even faster talker as a lawyer than he was on his high school debate team. Evans charms us in the opening scene as he invites fellow drug addict strangers to stand in for his drug-induced mock trials where he rehearses cross examinations for the next day in court. You root for this chemically-dependant smooth talker from square one.
Evans’ wardrobe is interesting in this flick. Lots of orangish tones, suspenders and some stylish sunglasses.
A little background: The title has well-placed meaning in this story which was based on true events. Our two protagonists take a case for a nurse who was accidently stuck by a syringe after it left the violently flailing arm of an HIV-positive patient (who was overdosing on some drug in when he arrived at the hospital). After the subsequent development of the safety syringe called “Safety Point”—a medical development that would make such accidents nearly impossible—no hospitals were willing to purchase the product. Hospital employees are concerned about such accidents, which occur to the tune of 800,000 times a year in the USA and are the lead cause of HIV, hepatitis-B and hepatitis-C in health care workers. These accidents are called “needlesticks” and have fueled the AIDS-epidemic in Africa as a result of needle re-use.
Weiss and his straight-laced partner (Paul Danziger, played by Mark Kassen) have an entertaining relationship and ambulance-chasing personal injury business complete with TV ads. Weiss barters “focused” days doing his job in exchange for Danziger following up on case work in his own unique style.
Evans with the kind of outfit that a judge would likely find threatening. Also the kind of outfit that a Yugoslavian pimp would find preferable.
At the dawn of his David and Goliath case Weiss maintains his ill-suited form indulging in cocaine “bumps” and handjobs from his fellow druggie-turned-office assistant…then falls asleep in the car during a critical deposition which, of course, he’ll join late after nursing a bloody nose.
The movie did not affect me emotionally. It felt largely like the telling of an important story accompanied by a great Chris Evans performance. My biggest criticism is that Evans—while made up to look pale, hungover, and baggy eyed throughout the movie—is in WAY too good shape for me to buy his drug-fueled self-abuse. Had the real life Weiss ever been in such good shape, I have difficulty understanding how his body wouldn’t be noticeably withered after even one month of such malnourished, under-rested, toxic behavior.
This criticism aside, I enjoyed the movie and was impressed by Evans, who managed to deliver “strung out and tweaky” simultaneously with the clever charm we expect from him. He reminds me of Val Kilmer from The Salton Sea (2002; great movie, by the way).
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Freerunner (2011)
MY CALL: This was probably meant to be a high octane action flick. What we got was a BIC lighter that is running out of fuel. There’s enough to spark my entertainment, but it doesn’t go very far. [C/C+] IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH: Any of the Step Up series (2006-2012), You Got Served (2004; but not Beat the World), Death Race (2008, 2010), and The Condemned (2007) all do a better job of executing acrobatic competition or web-aired death match elements. Give them a shot especially if you did not like Freerunner.
This movie about parkour stars Sean Faris. Faris has an unfortunate film career recently including The King of Fighters (2010). His highest point to date was in Never Back Down (2008; featured in the Cam Gigandet Actor Spotlight).
This freerunning-flick follows the subculture of capture-the-flag racing competitors who operate under the radar of the law for winner-take-all paydays. They essentially freerun around the city, gather three flags, and hit the finish line for victory. However, there aren’t really any rules, so the occasional skirmish occurs. The competitiveness, the older guy who runs the show, and the taunts between freerunners make this feel like a parkour-esque Step Up or You Got Served. There’s the underdog star, his overprotective love interest, his crappy job, his loving grandparent, and the badass-asshole reigning champ…it’s a cookie-cutter plot. Our hero bets all he has on himself for one last race so that he, his girl and his grandfather can move out of the city and be happy. This attempt to follow the dance-movie formula fails to maintain my interest. But that’s just the first chunk of the flick. It gets better.
In the middle of this big race all of the freerunners are captured by some enterprising villain who does exactly what they were already doing—he airs a high betting stakes parkour race for rich people to place bets. The catch is that they have 60 minutes to finish the race and they all have been fitted with explosive collars which turn their heads into party-poppers after those 60 minutes are up. There are some other rules to follow to avoid death as well. So they must literally race as if their lives depended on it. It’s very Death Race meets The Condemned in terms of how their captor manages his web-based betting operation. Additionally, for no reason whatsoever, their captor offers one million dollars to the winner. Isn’t racing for your life enough? Maybe the writers just needed to keep the possibility of a happy ending for our protagonist.
This is is no way a rip-off of the Rutger Hauer movie “DeadLock.”
As a funny bit of added flavor and rather contrary to Death Race and The Condemned, their enterprising captor is a lot like a book club party host. It’s “his turn” to host. Next time, one of the others would be in charge of choosing the type of game and the unwilling participants. The club members, along with most of the delivery of this movie, are all very hokey. But it’s all in good fun and it’s rather entertaining. Really.
The biggest problem with this flick (ignoring the writing and acting) is that following freerunners is difficult, so there is a lot of shaky camera work and FPS-style head-cam shots. The stunts are cool, but would be more enjoyable with steadier filming. More solid examples of parkour in film (in order of increasing awesomeness) include Scott Adkins in The Tournament (2009), the French guy from Live Free or Die Hard (2007), and the epic opening chase scene in District B-13 (2004). Let’s also not forget that basically every Jackie Chan movie doubles as a freerunning movie. And Jackie has the best resume in the business. But I digress.
Freerunner is a bit of mindless fun for a Sunday afternoon. Just expect nothing–certainly nothing very good–and tell yourself this was not meant to be taken seriously.
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Wes Anderson Madness
Hello all. Mark here.
1. NCAA March Madness is conquering the sports world.
2. Grantland’s Wire Smacketology tournament provided a predictable winner, tons of conversation and almost caused a riot of angry webizens.
3. Wes Anderson’s latest film Moonrise Kingdom is ready to be released on the world.
These three things influenced me to single out the best character in the Wes Anderson universe. I love Anderson films and I’ve always recommended them to anybody that will listen. Putting this list together was a fun trip down memory lane. I remembered how many uniquely awesome characters inhabit the Wes world.
I analyzed the films Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Royal Tenenbaums, Life Aquatic, Darjeeling Limited and Fantastic Mr. Fox in an effort to find my favorite character (It will surprise you). I narrowed the field down to 32 personalities and I broke up the tournament into four brackets. The brackets are:
1. Cuss Spit
2. Portuguese Bowie
3. Wildcat
4. Watersports
The following are the initial brackets. Who do you think should win? Did I leave anybody out? Comment on the bracket and let me know your thoughts.
Click on the brackets for a larger view.
Movies, Films & Flix 