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Do Not Watch by John Leavengood

March 14, 2011

DO NOT WATCH: Neighbor (2009)

John Leavengood

                If you find yourself perusing the new releases at Blockbuster or sifting through your Netflix recommendations, please avoid this movie .  PLEASE!  This is my first DO NOT WATCH recommendation.  This does not make for a good review.  I’m just thinking of you.  You know who you are.  You’re like me.  You pick random, straight-to-DVD flicks looking for little-known gems and convincing yourself all the while that it’s worth a couple lousy movies to find the underrated or so-bad-they’re-good ones.   Keep doing that.  Just don’t do it with this one.

                This lame flick tried to combine Hostel or Saw with…something, I figure.  He makes some poor efforts at making audiences cringe including applying a powerdrill through a big toe, a foot and a thigh.  Our villainess, the “neighbor”, drops an earthworm on an open wound—as if anything provocative could really come of it—and rakes the flesh off a guy’s shin with the back of a hammer.  I love the Hostel and Saw series, but HATE this.  You don’t need a budget to make someone wince, but this director failed at both mustering a budget AND making me wince.  The only part that made me cringe was the closing credits, when I reflected on what I made myself endure.

                This was unexciting, uninteresting and pointless.

                The only neat thing about this movie was that the star vaguely reminded me of an older version of the Glee star, Lea Michele.

MY CALL:                                              F.      F!     F!!!!!!

WHAT TO WATCH INSTEAD:        Hostel, even Glee, just not his.

IF YOU LIKE THIS, WATCH:            Anything.  If you like this you’ll like anything. 

DRINKING MOVIE STATUS:           I award this movie “fatal overdose” status.

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