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Bad Movie Tuesday: Men of War

August 9, 2011

The tagline says it all

“Warriors are paid to fight. Not to think. But that’s about to change.”

With this tagline I expected two great things. Ridiculous action and Dolph thinking.

The movie starts off badly enough. Dolph wearing an ill-fitting hat while chugging whiskey. He has given up with mercenary ways and instead does sit ups and drinks hard liquor in-between sets. In true bad movie fashion he  is summoned back for one more mission by the creepy dude who was in Roadhouse.

A strange thing happens though. After all the bad acting, ADR dialogue and bicep flexing the final battle scene is actually pretty badass (by bad movie standards). My guess is that they did the action scene first…ran out of money then had to film the rest in three days before the food ran out.

I’m thinking the producers hoped people would survive the beginning to make it to the end.  All the badness is quickly erased when  Dolph runs around with a swedish rocket launcher and the largest gun I’ve ever seen.  There is even a slow motion scene where he runs with a knife and kills a whole plethora of bad guys.

Of all the 80s-90s Dolph action films I have to say that he tries the hardest in this film. The newest Rambo  actually stole its tagline from this movie. “Die for something or live for nothing.” The Expendables is somewhat similar as well. Dolph’s character is Swedish Nick Gunnar….his character in Expendables is Gunnar Jensen. Coincidence?

I’m not saying this is a good film….because there is a whole lot of bad. The dialogue is almost all done by ADR. The editing is choppy and there is an action scene where a woman’s stunt double is obviously a man. Also, in the beginning Dolph wears the worst hat in the history of cinema.

I guess I should talk about the plot. The movie revolves around people wanting to mine Jade from an island. This is evident when the shirtless Australian bad guy is sitting in a boat reading a National Geographic that has Jade written on the front. The Aussie then is badly dubbed saying “Jade.”

In the end, Swedish Nick and his band of loyal mercenaries and villagers defeat a creepy guy, Zeus Lister and a shirtless Australian.

Coud be worse. You are not totally angry at yourself after watching. I recommend you watch in three intervals.

One Comment leave one →
  1. August 13, 2011 8:48 am

    I had a lot of fun with this one. And interesting dynamic was here as well: they were saying that white men love Asian women, and the islanders used their women to divide and conquer the mostly white mercenary team. What we missed, of course, was a great lesbian scene between Catherine Bell and one of the islanders.

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