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Conan #2

August 28, 2011

Hello all. Mark here.

John already reviewed this film but I had to put my two cents in. The review is spot on and I enjoyed John wondering how a female monk taught in the ways of peace could knife fight like she was Benicio Del Toro in The Hunted

Check out the review here.

Instead of writing a review I’ve decided to compile a few observations I made about the film.

1. If you look at the poster you wonder how Conan could get on top of all those skulls. He couldn’t have killed them all and waited. That would take too long. So, he must have walked on top of them and posed like he did the killing. Thus, making him kind of phony.

2. The slaves in this film get whipped a lot! It gets a little ridiculous at times.

3. If you kill a tribal chief leader never take his sword and leave his son alive.  It just causes a lot of trouble.

4. Who builds the massive labyrinths and underground tunnels? They must have been whipped a lot.

5. Is it impossible to hold a camera still for three seconds?

6. The female lead in this film might be the worst ever. For instance, Conan rescues her from 700 people then she gets all saucy (in a badly written way) and demands she is taken to some place. If I was Conan I’d be pissed.

7. If the only way to awaken a homicidal world ending demon  is to get the blood of the only pure born left on earth wouldn’t it make sense to make the pure born disappear?  Say you are walking close to a cliff one day…Push….Threat over. Sure, you might be saddened but at least you don’t have to worry about a homicidal demon killing millions.

8. I’d be pissed if I had to battle sand creatures. When you kill them sand would get everywhere. Imagine the clean up. The only positive is that the people in CSI, Law and Order and NCIS could never prove it. I’d like to see them ID a dead sand blob.

9. Is it impossible for Conan to utter more than two sentences at a time?  His big speech was I live, I fight, I love, I’m Content.

10. How do you capture a kraken? Net? Fishing line? Leave a trail of fish?

11. Why do people want world domination? Dominating the world would be a lot of work. The only positive is that you can get slaves and elephants to push around a large boat through any terrain.

One Comment leave one →
  1. mmarnall permalink*
    August 29, 2011 9:09 am

    #8. I would be the one who ends up cleaning it up.

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