Bad Movie Tuesday: The Big Bang

“Reality is a wave function. Sub atomic particles movie through liquid nitrogen that can go anywhere in the universe and entangle itself in a relationship.”

These are things you want to read in a book or hear in a film by Stanley Kubrick. However, these are not words you want to hear in a direct to DVD neo-noir with a 13% ranking on Rotten Tomatoes.  Black holes, worm holes, doughnut holes and a confused looking Antonio Banderas are the themes of this film.

Something about this film told me it would be bad. I call it “Preview Sense.” I sensed the preview was attempting to hoodwink the audience into thinking it was a plucky noir with barely a mention of physics. My “preview sense” has taught me that if a movie is bad they give away everything in the trailer just to get audiences into the seats. For example, Dream House and The Double did this and both bombed commercially and critically.

Previews have been known to make action films out of drama period flicks. Also, a woman is suing the producers of the great film Drive because she said “the previews misrepresented the film.” The woman wanted more car chases. I’m happy she hasn’t gotten ahold of this film yet.

The preview is trying to hide that this is a movie where good actors slum in a bad movie and talk a lot while orange, blue and yellow lights bombard them. Hyper stylized movies rarely work. This movie seemed too stylized. I found two examples in the preview. The abundance of lighting gells and Sam Elliot saying:

“God is the wizard of Oz, he is the man behind the curtain and tomorrow I am yanking back that curtain.”

The moment I heard that quote I knew the film would put a soul hurting on me. So, obviously I had to watch and use it for Bad Movie Tuesday material.

This movie reminded me of the scene in Beerfest where Jay Chandrasekhar thinks he is the smoothest man alive. However, he is just incredibly drunk. I’m thinking this is the same thing that happened to the writer. He thought he was writing 2001 2.0 but he wrote Johnny Mnemonic 3.6.

The movie revolves around an imprisoned Antonio Banderas telling the story of how he was hired by a large Russian to find a woman. Along the way he meets various intellectuals, scientists, dwarves, rappers, waitresses and an angry James Van Der Beek.

I really do not remember the rest of the film. It all blends together in an a ball of “huh?” People talk, other people talk, Antonio Banderas talks….. The film is a whole lot of talking. If are making a direct to DVD noir film you should listen to Elvis and have “a little less conversation and a little more action.”

Teach yourself “Preview Sense.” It will save you time, money and sanity.