Bad Movie Tuesday: The Vow

This is a movie meant to frustrate you. It throws in thousands of roadblocks between likable leads McAdams and Tatum. It goes to such lengths to keep them apart it becomes comically frustrating.

Channing Tatum is likable because you can tell he is trying really hard. Rachel McAdams is likable because she isn’t playing her character from Midnight in Paris. Together, they form a good-looking couple who do a serviceable job in a film that is as deep as a kiddie pool and has more sap than Vermont.

This movie is meant to move the audience like a marionette. It pulls every string to capture your heart. However, there is a huge problem. You like the two actors but everything around them is absolutely ridiculous.

You sit there watching The Vow and can’t help but complain and write militant notes:

“Yikes” “The Parents are terrible people.” “What?” “horrible people” “this is the most frustrating film I’ve ever watched.” “funny hat” “Tampa dudes would never hang with Chicago hipsters” “Did he fart? Did she roll up the window to keep his fart in the car? Great woman.” “The parents are evil little turds.”

The movie centers around married couple McAdams and Tatum. On a snowy night they get hit by a snow plow and McAdams flies out of the vehicle and loses her memory of Tatum. So, naturally her estranged parents fly in and take her away forcing an extremely patient Tatum to win her back.

What follows is hours of evil parents, Scott Speedman and a plethora of hipsters. You will groan, make “psssshhhhh” sounds and want to headbutt multiple people.

All of these loud noises make the movie fun. This movie is ridiculous in a good way. The parents are so evil they need moustaches (even Jessica Lange). Scott Speedman is so oily he could slip and slide on any surface. This movie tries really hard so you can’t hate it.

The Vow is a film where people wear funny hats, don’t remember only strategic plot points and an oily dude (Speedman) with a pompadour/bouffant can woo Rachel McAdams.

The Vow is not good. The Vow is not terrible. The Vow will make you laugh and complain at the same time…..I promise you.