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Movies, Films & Flix Roundtable: GI Joe 2: Retaliation

May 28, 2012

Hello all. Mark here

The MFF crew watched the latest trailer for GI Joseph 2 and had a lively discussion. During the discussion we learned the movie was going to be pushed back nine months so it could be converted in 3D. Read our theories, snarky comments and appreciation of mountain ninjas.

Chuck Finley: Good thing this movie has The Rock in it. Otherwise this would be a movie without The Rock in it.

Mark: I love how easy everything is in Joe Land.

1. Kill Channing Tatum..nanobots

2. Kill mountain ninjas……avalanche

3. Kill Cobra guards….Bruce Willis in the back of an El Camino.

4. Kill protein shakes…..The Rock

Chuck Finley: I would’ve made the sequel so G.I. Joseph battles all things Cobra. Including but not limited to: Cobra Kai, Team Purple Cobras, and Cobra Starship.

O’Lasavath: Indiana jones would never have cut it as a joe. The last thing he would ever do is take on a cobra.

Tony 9.5: Cobra Kai; never dies…

Mark: I hope that scene where they climb out of the well is 20 minutes long. Like a mini Gus Van Sant film…

Chuck Finley: And they get help from Aron Ralston.

Mark: I would love to see the girl from The Ring attack The Rock in the well. I think we’d see a ghost get punched in the face.

O’Lasavath: I’m afraid of all this has been for naught as the movie has been postponed to March 2013. The delay is because the movie is being converted to 3d. Yes folks, it takes a whole year to render the Rock’s huge pecs into 3d.

Mark: The internet moviesphere is abuzz with the nine month delay of GI Joe 2. 3D conversion, terrible advance screenings and the need for more  Tatum due to Channing fever. I don’t believe any of this. The reason for the reshoots can be summed up in two words. “mountain ninjas.” Why do you think the film is being delayed?

Sweet Sugar: Crouching Tiger Hidden Joe would be a more appropriate title after the reshoots.

John: There was a West Side Story Sharks/Jets clash between the Joes and the Expendables.  The Expendables may have guns, knives and crime-fighting muscles.  But Tatum has Step Up flip-kicking skills, Ray Parks has his Episode I corkscrew flairs and Byung-hun has one cold I Saw the Devil stare.  The fight started 9 months ago and persists like a Ragnarok trilogy.  OMFG!!!!  We need a Ragnarok trilogy!

Chuck Finley: Everyone associated with the movie came off their cocaine buzz and realized they needed to think about things.

John: Either that or they ate those Vegas lotus flowers from Percy Jackson The Lightning Thief.  And, of course, as Johnny Depp taught us, “there is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge.”  Maybe they got their hands on some of it.

Mark: I can’t think of anything better than a depraved, confused and drug addled GI Joe film directed by the troubled soul who did Step Up 3D.

John: Step Up 3D: worst of the series.  I hope it gets Drag Me to Helled!

Mark: I hope Step Up 4D stars Bruce Campbell, Julianne Hough and is directed with Sam Raimi. Groovy!

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