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Trailer Talk: The Expendables Inspired Edition

August 31, 2012

Hello all. Mark here.

If you haven’t read the MFF reviews for the Expendables 2 check them out here and here. In honor of that film I’ve decided to cover four movies featuring various cast and crew of the film. Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (Adkins, Lundgren, JCVD), The last Stand (Arnold), Bullet to the Head (Sly) and Stolen (Simon West).

The first film is the magnificent Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning.

Chuck Finley: This movie is getting three JCVD splits and two spin kicks up from me. I wish I had bad stuff to say about it but I just can’t. I mean the Belgian Badass himself with face paint on?! Come on! Although Dolph was missing Scott at point blank range with an AK because just ducked under the bullets? Why didn’t I think of that?

Mark: I think since they both have B movie super skills they can duck Ak-47s with ease. I cannot wait to watch this film. You can tell that everybody is trying super hard to provide a crazy experience. Watching Dolph preach to those warriors brought back long repressed memories of a bearded Dolph preaching in Johnny Mnemonic.

Ryan: A “Johnny Mnemonic” reference? Hell hath frozen over.

Mark: Scott Adkins blocks a machete strike with his forearm.

John: I can’t unsee that, nor would I EVER want to. Scott Adkins for President of the United States of Awesome Ridiculous!

Bullet to the Head

Mark: I just watched Sly Stallone’s new preview for the film Bullet to the Head. Three things came to mind.
1. The scene where he punches the steering wheel and gives out a primal grunt made me laugh.
2. Who engages in Axe fights anymore? Is it more common than we know?
3. Sung Kang is one of my favorite actors. I just like the dude.

John: That’s Jason Mamoa! If Khal Drogo wants to have an axe fight, then there’s GONNA be an axe fight!

Mark: I can put up with the tattoos and old guy/young guy banter. However, I don’t see any way that Stallone could survive a Khal Drogo axe attack.

John: Hmmm. Mamoa is 6’4″ 220-230. Stallone may be way shorter with less reach, but he weighs in at around 210 of scary muscle. I’m gonna’ give Stallone the X factor here. He’s like a stray pitbull without a collar in an alleyway. You don’t “know” that he’s dangerous, but you also “know” to keep your distance. Then again, Mamoa may just be an axe ninja trained by The League of Shadows, in which case, say goodbye to Stallone and any hopes of The Expendables 3.

Mark: If it was a brass knuckle fight I got my money on Sly. I just don’t think he has Abraham Lincoln’s skill with the axe.

John: Reminds me of the Victorian era when gentlemen would choose–“Pistols or axes?”–when engaging in a duel to settle a dispute.

Mark: The visual of Victorian men walking ten paces then turning around and charging at each other with axes sounds amazing. Dignified axe fighting is indeed a thing of the past.

John: This is why Europeans say we have no culture.

Mark: I prefer our grenade launcher or chainsaw duels. Who needs dainty European gentlemen engaging in 30 minute axe duels?

John: You hold your tongue! Any axe duel lasting more than 90 seconds is already epic in my book. But 30 minutes…? That’s more awesome than Achilles vs Hector!!!

Mark: It sounds awesome but the fights consisted of 10 second rounds followed by one minute breaks. Only three people died too. Two by accident and one when an axe got loose and decapitated a spectator.

The Last Stand

Mark: The movie focuses on a sleepy border town that is forced to battle a drug cartel. The leader is an older, self aware Austrian sounding man who teams up with my personal favorite Johnny Knoxville. I cannot wait to see this. It was directed by Jee-woon Kim. Kim directed two amazing films The Good, The Bad and the Weird and I Saw the Devil.

John:First off, so stoked about Arnie kicking of his geriatric action movie career. Truly. But I fear this will come down to a few funny tag lines and a few really cool 90-sec action blips filled with an attempt at a plot which we would only t…

olerate in the 80s. Then again, Walking Tall proved me wrong, and it seemed to be following the same 80s-style formula of an over-simplified plot with aa charismatic, large-bicepped actor dropped in for good measure.
Mark: They both had Knoxville as the sidekick too. Sometimes in life you need an aging action star to blow some stuff up. This film will not be good but it will be fun. In a day and age of self seriousness and logic it is a pleasure to throw in some well made dumb.

Stolen

To conclude the Expendables 2 inspired trailer talk I’ve added a film directed by Simon West. Nic Cage gets his daughter stolen by Josh Lucas and has to steal some stuff to get her back.
This preview left me with some questions and observations.
1. What is on Josh Lucas’s head?
2. At :52 seconds Cage delivers the nut shot from hell.

I think this is the perfect trailer talk preview. Watch. Comment. Check out the Cageploitation.

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 12, 2013 7:20 am

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