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John’s Shamefully Bad Horror Corner: Slaughterhouse Rock (1988)

April 10, 2013

MY CALL:  Avoid this at all costs!  “F”  IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH: Other utterly awful dream-driven movies include Nightwish (1990) and Dreamaniac (1986).

Within the first few minutes I knew I was in for something awful.  The gore is laughable, but I think the effects people knew it and had a little fun with it.  The director also knew how bad this was. He must have when he called for nudity before the 10 minute mark, right?

Alex has been having stupid nightmares about dismemberment, flaying, disembowelment, being burned alive and monster claws.  When he starts to catch fire and levitate during his dreams, his friends become a bit concerned.

Brothers Richard and Alex, their girlfriends (including Hope Marie Carlton; Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies Go to College), their roommates and a psychic professor venture to Alcatraz to stop the evil spirit that has been reaching out to Alex.  I hardly get why, though.  In the movie, they reveal that the spirit can’t cross the water from Alcatraz island. So why would you bring Alex to the evil?  Stupid movie, stupid plot–that’s the most logical answer I can imagine.

While in Alcatraz the ghost of a female heavy metal band lead singer who died during a tour of Alcatraz tries to help by offering Alex advice.  This is just weird and full of stupid dialogue.  The other weird thing that happens is that Richard is possessed and turns into a demon cannibal rapist, which is stupid, tasteless, and yet another lame excuse to add more gratuitous nudity.  In order to combat evil-rapist Richard, the metal singer ghost chick helps Alex to leave his body (via Astral Projection or something) by doing some retarded dance number.

So this dance will help some wimp fight his evil-possessed bro.

Cannibal Richard picks off his friends one by one as they try to escape from Alcatraz.  There is only one interesting moment to boast in the entire movie.  That’d be when possessed Richard punches right through a guy’s head.  We see everything, it made me smile, but sadly after that we returned to the crappy norm of this flick.

Clearly ripping off An American Werewolf in London, every killed victim walks Alcatraz as a ghoulish restless spirit heckling Alex to put an end to evil Richard’s mayhem.  Along with that, other ill-attempts of humor are made, but they all far short of a grin.

Playboy Playmate Hope Marie Carlton as a restless spirit

The “music” sucks in this abysmally budgeted 80s horror.  The editing is destitute, too–almost distractingly bad.  Wooden acting, a terrible story, a stupid evil spirit monster…there wasn’t anything about this movie that didn’t suck.  Even the gratuitous nudity sucked.

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