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Bad Movie Tuesday: Another Good Day To Die Hard

July 2, 2013


Hello all. Mark here.

John already wrote a wonderful BMT for this film but I had to contribute as well.

I am a huge fan the Die Hard series. The first four all had their own flavor and style and I loved every second of them. However, this fifth film is incredibly painful, boring and totally unnecessary. Instead of dog piling on top of all the negative reviews I am going to share a message chain that my friends and I came up with in order to provide ideas for the inevitable sequel. We want the series to become relevant again and these ideas could give the producers, writers and Willis a creative boost. Enjoy!

Mark: Die Hard 5 was absolutely soul crushing. Here are my suggestions for the inevitable Die Hard 6.
1. Do a shot for shot remake of the original with Vince Vaughn…..
2. Call it Live Free of Die Hardigan. Cast a cardigan wearing Tom Hardy as the revengeful and ultra stylish brother of prior bad guy Timothy Olyphant.
3. Pretend Looper is Die Hard 6.
4. Go the Leprechaun/Jason route and send Willis to Space. Call it Die Hard: Armageddon with a Vengeance.
5. Make Mary Elizabeth Winstead the main character and include every cast member from Scott Pilgrim and the Fast & Furious series. Call it Die Hard: Sorry for the last one

DJ: Part six should be called a Die Hard: Six Pack and have evil personal trainers steal all the money from Little Debbie to make people thinner

Mark: Die Hard: With a Snack Cake!

Nippy: Or just call it Die Hard: Termination…. and have Allan Rickman play a cyborg version of himself… borrowing many visuals and dialog from the Terminator series

Don: Oh, these are good! Someone should take the movie The Fifth Element and dub it, making it into another Die Hard installment. It has all the makings of a Die Hard movie: the heavy amounts of action; forever being out-gunned and out-numbered; and Willis as the reluctant hero that saves the day. Maybe CGI Hans Gruber’s clone (Alan Rickman) to fight alongside Zorg (Gary Oldman)?

Mark: Whoa. That sounds wonderful. We could do that with a lot of the Willis films. Die Hard 12: Monkeys. Die Hard 16: Blocks

Nippy: Die Hard Sixth Sense

Don: Die Hard: Die Moonrise Kingdom Hard.…..wait…Moonrise Kingdom: The Last Die Hard Boy Scout

Nippy: They could also kill to birds with one stone, die hard 6, roger rabbit 2… Just saying

Don: BTW, they are starting production on Die Hard 7, entitiled “Die Hardest.” Considering there has been a movie with him saving each of his family members (his wife, twice) maybe in this one he saves…the nanny?

Mark: I think Willis should go back in time to prevent Die Hard 5. Or, His character from Moonrise Kingdom is a beaten down McClane (big reveal!) who has lost his kids via Hans Gruber’s other brother and he has to begrudgingly battle the euro villains again.

Don: You mean he reluctantly goes back in time?

Mark: Or, with the downward trajectory of the series they should just re-release Cop Out and call it Die Hard 6. Saves money. Annoys Kevin Smith.

Chris: Die Hard 12: We Can’t Believe We Made it Either

Mark: Die Hard 13: Listen folks, you keep watching this stuff so we are going to keep making them. Heck, we sent Bruce to space last year and he battled a Rickman clone on Mars. The movie made $200 million, Willis was only on set for three days and Rickman was pissed at the tight green suit he was stuck in.

Chris: Die Hard 14: Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel

Mark: John McClane in barrel chasing Michael Shannon in a barrel down Niagara Falls. Boom!

Niall: Die Hard: When John met Holly with Joseph Gordon levitt

Mark: Whoa! That opens up the whole prequel world. Police Academy starring John McClane….and Bobcat Goldthwait and that dude who makes all the noises. Check out this meme I found for the new Die Hard too!

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