The Expendables 3: It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Max World

The picture below is the reason you should watch The Expendables 3.

Any film in which Harrison Ford seems to be genuinely enjoying himself is cool with me. Ford even goes as far to say “I haven’t had so much fun in years.” You can’t help but love a scene featuring Ford piloting a helicopter whilst Jet Li and Arnold blast countless thugs away with massive guns. Also, this Photoshopped shirt would have never happened if these two legends weren’t in the film.

Expendables 3 is bonkers entertainment that has been treated way too cynically. Sure, the film falls flat when introducing the new action stars and sometimes becomes unintentionally hilarious. However, there are enough moments of randomness and awesomeness that keep you hoping for an even more bloated Expendables 4 that leads to publicity photos like this.

The Expendables 3 is a fun film that was simply meant to entertain and in no way meet our expectations.The plot gets a little out of control as Sly picks up a new crew because one of his old crew was seriously injured by ex-expendable Mel Gibson. Predictably, the new crew gets kidnapped by Mel Gibson and Sly reteams with his old crew to free the new team whilst battling the ex-expendable. Basically, it is an excuse for a massive shoot out finale that is handled well by sophomore director Patrick Hughes. Hughes gives the film a breath of fresh air as he ditches the Mickey Rourke monologues for a more humorous approach. He also does a couple important things right. First and foremost he lets Dolph continue his trend of posing for ridiculous photos.

Second, He lets Antonio Banderas do his thing as a motor mouthed maniac who has some of the best moments. He talks fast, runs fast and he looks awesome shooting people. I had visions of Desperado in my head as he mowed down adversaries whilst wooing Ronda Rousey. He lightens up the odd melodramatic moments and you can tell he was popular on set.

Caption: How did our careers survive Assassins?

The biggest problems with the film are the hand to hand fights. Ronda Rousey should have gotten the Soderbergh Gina Carano Haywire treatment but instead she has chopped up fights that show off 1/10 of her fighting skills. Also, the final fight between Rocky and Mad Max is unnecessarily hurried and ends cheaply. Why bring in boxers, wrestlers and judoka fighters and not let them box, wrestle or use judo? Strengths aren’t used and that leads to some terrible line readings that aren’t helped by the cheesy dialogue. I did like the final exchange between Sly and Rousey though.

Rousey: If you were 30 years younger.

Sly: I would be scared.

The Expendables 3 has enough fun moments to make you forget how much better it could have been. For instance, Mel Gibson is a worthy adversary because he has embraced the villain role. Wesley Snipes talks about tax evasion in a cheeky moment of self-awareness. Dolph wears technology he doesn’t fully understand (“I use it to check the weather”) because it is funny seeing a large Swedish man deal with technological wristwatches.

The new team is a mixed bag of new comers who bring out the best in the old timers. I never thought I would see Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren and Randy Couture featured in a “we are depressed” montage. The four sit around sulking as the young punks are assembled via a fisherman looking Kelsey Grammer. The best usage of the bunch is when Kellan Lutz jumps eight stories on a dirt bike to assist Sly in killing an entire army. It is at that moment when you jump on board with the newbies.

If you’ve watched the first two films you will check out the third. Don’t expect Die Hard meets Seven Samurai. Expect the third entry of a series that simply wants to entertain and sometimes fail to do so. Expect snazzy outfits, Jet Li height jokes and very large guns.

I had a very fun time watching The Expendables 3. Was it good? Nope. Will I watch it again? Yep. Is it my favorite of the three? Yep. Do I dream of a fourth film where Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, George Lazenby and Pierce Brosnan team up with the Expendables to battle Sean Connery? Yep!

Sit back, take your brain out. Kick your feet up. Watch stuff explode.