When Saving the Day Goes Wrong: A Greatest Hits Compilation of Jack Burton, Ash, Han Solo and MacGruber Antics

Hello all. Mark here.

Many heroes save the day. Some heroes fail in spectacular fashion. Some of them die, some of them are injured and some of them regroup and end up saving the day. The following post celebrates the attempts at saving the day that failed. I appreciate that these people attempted to make the world a better place. However, their tactics left much to be desired. Whether they mistake Miak for milk or jump off a nine story building their misguided attempts live on in infamy.

Reign of Fire – McNugget

When a tattooed Matthew McConaughey propels himself off a tower you think whatever is in his way will not be alright (alright alright). However, his brave attempt is foiled instantly as a hungry dragon turns him into a a McNugget.

Jason Takes Manhattan – A Puncher’s Chance

I respect the boxer for making a final stand. His punches were hard, his form solid and intention good. However, he should have known that he was punching an immortal killing machine whose face was blocked by a hockey mask. The following punch by Jason broke all known knowledge of the human body. His punch was so hard that skin, bone, veins, arteries, nerves and more neck stuff instantly popped off. What adds injury to decapitation is that the head rolls down into a trash can.

AVP – A Fireball Gone Awry

Lance Henrikson attempted to do the right thing but he failed spectacular. The predator allows Lance to live because he has lung cancer. So, Lance attempts to kill the nice hunter via flame ball. However, the flame is quickly put out and Lance is gutted and left to roll down some steps unceremoniously. He tried. He failed. He actually used the line “Don’t turn your back on me!!!”

Army of Darkness –Klaatu….Verata….Cough Cough Cough

All Ash had to do was remember three words. He remembered two and coughed out the third. In his daring efforts to prevent dead from rising he was too pompous to remember a third word. Because of his blowhardness he unleased an army of Deadites that steal his woman, cut out gizzards and force him to actually become a leader.

Big Trouble in Little China – Jack Gets Rocked

Jack Burton is a man’s man. He puts himself in harms way, has great reflexes and always lets other people fight for him. In the GIF below he leads the charge against an evil army and knocks himself out before he can throw a punch. His tactics are wonky. His bravery is legendary. His sleeveless shirts awesome.

The Other Guys – Sam Jackson and The Rock Meet a Hard Place 

Their hubris forced them over the edge. I 100% believe they thought they could survive the jump and fall. What bushes could actually slow down The Rock’s fall? These guys got so good at what they did (Save the day) that they forgot about the laws of physics and gravity.

Star Wars – Han Solo chases Storm Troopers

I totally get it. Han is hopped up and ready to roll. His confidence is soaring and he actually thinks he can chase 10 storm troopers down a hallway. The problem is that they regroup and force him to run back the other way. Han was on a gravy train with biscuit wheels until the biscuit wheels got soggy and the whole thing fell apart. He got the last laugh but I’m certain he felt a bit silly about the whole ordeal.

Ernest Scared Stupid – Troll Meets Miak

Ernest thought he had it all figured out. He became light on his feet and found a jar of pure Bulgarian Miak.  This should have meant the end for the snot nosed troll. However, the Miak resulted in confusion, second thoughts and a hurricane of bad breath.

Deep Blue Sea – When Making a Dramatic Speech Don’t Stand Next to Deep Water

Things couldn’t get any worse for the characters in Deep Blue Sea. Sharks are herding them into certain oblivion and they’ve started the infighting. Sam Jackson knows the straits are dire so he steps up and makes a dramatic speech. The one thing he doesn’t think about while rallying the troops is that he shouldn’t be standing next to open water. His urge to make a speech proves to be his undoing.

MacGruber – When homemade C-4 Blows Up Your Friends.

MacGruber is a menace to society. He constantly fails spectacularly and ends up taking people with him. My favorite moment of MacGruber features him gathering a crack team of killers to aid him in his mission.

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However, since this is MacGruber he leaves his homemade C-4 in the transport vehicle and blows up his entire crew. Saving the day will have to wait because everybody is dead.

No No No NO!!!!

What moments did I forget? What would you add? Do you have homemade C-4 sitting around that could blow up your friends?