The MFF Random Awards: 1996 Edition!

Hello all, Mark here.

1996 was loaded with cinematic randomness. Whether it be Michael Keaton talking about eating dolphins or Carl Weathers stressing hip movement, we were lucky to have great actors doing weird things onscreen. Since it is 1996 week, and I couldn’t write about every film I decided to compile an assortment of random awards that highlight all things 1996. Be prepared for a list that is so random it features awards for Best Emaciated Matt Damon and Best USSR Missile.

Sit back, relax and appreciate the 1996 randomness.

Best Hip Movement Award

Happy Gilmore taught me everything I need to know about golf. I love Carl Weathers and his tension easing techniques are charming, practical and hilarious

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Best Barbed Wire Tattoo Award

Bound is a fantastic thriller and Gina Gershon rocks a great fake tattoo.

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Best USSR Missile Award

Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood is a weird little film that features an impressive weapon escalation. I love me some 80s/90s Wayans Brothers’ movies and I remember watching this movie a lot on VHS.

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Best Tall Guy Walking Award

Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum do some great “tall walking” in Independence Day. I should’ve added these guys to my walking piece.

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Best Surfing, Hang Gliding and Basketball Award

Snake Plissken completed the world’s first Science Fiction Pentathlon in Escape From L.A.

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Best Regaining of Memory Award

The Long Kiss Goodnight is crazy violent, always fun and wonderfully written by Shane Black.

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Best John Leguizamo Award

John Leguizamo is awesome in Romeo & Juliet.

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Best Room in Need of an Air Freshener Award

There are lots and lots of farts in The Nutty Professor.

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Best French Fried Potaters Award

Billy Bob Thornton and his french fried potatoes made Sling Blade a very good film. I’m still happy he won an Oscar.

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Best “Evil” Smoking Award

John Travolta smokes way too many cigarettes in Broken Arrow. Check out my piece on his evil smoking habits.

 

Best Dragon Who Sounds Like Sean Connery Award

The dragon in Dragonheart became an instant father figure when Connery lended his voice to it.

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Best Usage of a Wood Chipper Award

The wood chipper scene in Fargo might be the most iconic moment of 1996.

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Best Usage of Jamie Kennedy Ever Award

Jamie Kennedy was really good in Scream and Scream 2. Dude nailed his role as Randy.

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Best/Weirdest Subplot Involving an Underage Natalie Portman Award

Natalie Portman’s character in Beautiful Girls was so precocious she made grown men want her. It was weird.

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Best Hair Award

Bill Murray was amazing in Kingpin. He might be my favorite sports movie villain ever.

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Best Usage of too Many Voicemails

The voicemail scene in Swingers still makes me cringe. Try not to cringe while watching it.

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Best Monologue involving Watersports

Bottle Rocket is one of my favorite films and Luke Wilson totally nails this Wes Anderson written monologue.

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Best Wallet Pizza

Multiplicity is a weird movie that features four Michael Keatons and pizza being stuffed into a wallet. You should watch it.

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Best Emaciated Matt Damon

Matt Damon got crazy skinny in Courage Under Fire.