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The 25 Greatest Cinematic Americans of the Last 25 Years

July 4, 2017

The National Treasure gang love this list so much they put lemon juice on the hard copy.

America is an odd place filled with odd people who keep doing what they have to do to stay odd. Our country is a weird place and I wanted this list to resemble the populace. I’ve stayed away from the pretentious and went with my gut in regards to the picks. The following 25 are an eclectic/ficitonal bunch who have made fictional America great.

1. Preacher – Deep Blue Sea

Deepest red, white and bluest my hat is like a shark fin! I changed the words around but LL Cool J’s song for Deep Blue Sea should’ve used those words. Deep Blue Sea is an epic of epic proportions and might just be the greatest American movie ever (total hyperbole). What I love about LL’s character is how he never gives up, is full of wonderful one-liners and continually pushes himself to be a better chef. In the face of adversity the man still wants to make great food.

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2. Sheila – The Other Guys

Shelia is a true saint of a woman who tamed a dangerous pimp and helped the world realize that pimps don’t cry.

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3. Russell Franklin – Deep Blue Sea

I probably could’ve filled this list with nothing but Sam Jackson characters but I had to just pick one (according to my imaginary rule book) What I love most is how he gets so wrapped up in his big motivational speech that he forgets he is standing next to open water. The guy is so intent on inspiring people that he puts himself in the line of fire. Sam Jackson’s death in Deep Blue Sea is a national treasure and proves saving the day doesn’t always work out.

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4. Gene – Wet Hot American Summer

Gene is a straight up weirdo who was totally wrecked by war. However, he found steady employment and eventually learns to embrace his weirdness. Whether he is fondling sweaters or humping refrigerators the guy is a true American.

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5. Tracy Flick – Election

Tracy Flick straight up steamrolled folks in Election. She is ambition personified and Reese Witherspoon played her to perfection.

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6. Carter Blake – Deep Blue Sea

The dude can ride sharks!

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7. Thorny – Super Troopers

Not every man can give two German arrestees impromptu “Mustache rides.” Ramathorn is the glue that ties the Super Troopers together and manages to come across as a solid leader who can balance work, life and maple syrup.

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8. Cher – Clueless

On the surface, Cher might seem like a vapid teenager who thinks too highly of herself. However, Cher is basically the best and she wins everyone over. Alicia Silverstone personified charm and her work never gets old.

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9. Black Dynamite – Black Dynamite

There is only one man on the planet who Abraham Lincoln’s ghost would help out. That man is Black Dynamite. He is a true American hero who loves Kung-Fu, deductive reasoning and telling children to “hush.”

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10. Roman – 2 Fast 2 Furious

What I love most about Roman is how little he has changed throughout the FF movies. The dude started off Roman and is still Roman. He is the crowd pleasing former convict who has begrudgingly become a hero.

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11. Monica – Love & Basketball

Sanna Latham should’ve won an Oscar for Love & Basketball.

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12. Thomas – Smoke Signals

Thomas is a really earnest person who loves telling stories and then telling more stories. He might be the most likable person on this list and he is the reason why Smoke Signals works so well.

 

 

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13. The Dude – Big Lebowski

Nothing ties a list together like The Dude. Jeff Bridges oozes American swagger and his Dude character is a laid-back charmer who is one of the greatest Americans to ever live on screen. 

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14. Betty – The Way Way Back

The Way, Way Back is one of the most authentic movies I’ve ever watched because it captures a side of America that is familiar to many people. Allison Janney’s character seems like a drunken mess but she always knows where her kids are and she embraces who she is. While others are ignoring their children she knows exactly where hers are at and even has nicknames for their stupid “dead” dancing.

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15. Rico – Hot Rod

Danny McBride is an American legend. The guy is articulate and smart and that is why his dumb characters are so great. They are dumb characters who have a lot more going on under the surface. For instance, only great Americans have dreams like the one Rico describes in the movie.

I’m kinda grumpy today, dude. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I was having those dreams again. Ya know, how it’s just me in a castle and I gotta fight, like, a thousand wizards and the only way to beat them is to punch them as hard as I can in their faces. Then, when I’m done, all their little wizard wives came out and wanted me to have sex with them – which is kinda weird.

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16. Christine – Drag Me to Hell

Making it in America can be a tough thing to do. Sometimes the choices we make could potentially piss off a gypsy who in turn curses us with a trip to hell. What matters is what happens when we’ve learned we’ve been cursed. I love how Christine hunkered down and put up a massive fight that saw her beaten, bruised and more bruised.

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17. Wendell Everett – The Guard

You know, I can’t tell if you’re really motherfuckin’ dumb, or really motherfuckin’ smart.

The poor guy travels to Ireland, deals with an irascible cop and fight drug dealers. Don Cheadle does the best-annoyed face in the business and I love The Guard

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18. Ben Gates – National Treasure

I once had an argument that revolved around National Treasure being an actual National Treasure. It is a beautiful tale of a dude looking for history and conveniently finding it.

Most convenient lemons ever.

19. Gay Perry – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Val Kilmer is the best in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. The poor guy has to deal with a motor-mouthed Robert Downey Jr., lots of murder, and his favorite gun being thrown in a pond.

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20. Alabama – True Romance

Alabama is a badass. I remember watching True Romance when I was a teenager and thought she was way cooler than Christian Slater because she is the one driving away while he naps at the end. Do not mess with Alabama!

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21. The Bride – Kill Bill

The Bride is proof that you can be a murderer, survive an assassination attempt and eventually get revenge on the people who killed your family. What I love most about the Bride is how she holds onto her humanity whilst killing many people. She also wears some sweet killing people outfits.

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22. Captain Ron – Captain Ron

Captain Ron is a damn fine man. He doesn’t know what he is doing, but he will always get you close to where you are going. Kurt Russell’s laid back charm saved this film and gave the world a likable hero whom probably should better distinguish the words “gorillas” and “guerillas.”

Caroline Harvey: Captain Ron, I was wondering. Are we going to be going to any more “human” type places?

Captain Ron: Well, you heard of St. Croix?

Caroline Harvey: Yeah.

Captain Ron: We’re going to the island just to the left of it.

Caroline Harvey: What’s it called?

Captain Ron: Ted’s.

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23. President Camacho – Idiocracy

Shit. I know shit’s bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.

Terry Crewes is a national treasure and I guarantee Morgan Freeman is annoyed he didn’t land this president role.

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24. Megan – Bridesmaids

I love Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids. There is more to her than meets the eye and I always love the presence of somebody who is totally at ease with themselves. Her character never goes overboard and in the end is the most sane. She doesn’t feel the need to let everyone know she is rich and somehow predicts that a dude on a plane has a gun hidden somewhere on his body.

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25. Han Seoul-oh – Better Luck Tomorrow/Fast and Furious 3,4,5 and 6

The dude started off as a small-time crook who grew into a badass criminal who dated Wonder Woman. Han is a good guy who has traveled the world, stole some stuff and might’ve been killed by Jason Statham. I really liked Tokyo Drift and I think Han is a great representation of the perfect America.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 5, 2017 1:25 am

    Thanks for including Alabama (True Romance) and Christine (Drag Me to Hell). I enjoy both films immensely and find those 2 characters to be strong females. Good choices.

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