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The 1997 Random Awards: A Collection of Bad Accents, Stuffed Bunnies and Face Waterfalls

August 19, 2017

1997 was a fantastic year for cinema. Nic Cage wanted his bunny back in Con Air, Titanic destroyed the box office and surprisingly Jon Voight didn’t win an Oscar for Anaconda. Among all the fantastic films there were many random moments that defined a great year of movies. The following post celebrates the randomness of 97 and cherishes the small moments involving trunk cleaning, people getting smooshed, and argumentative narrators.

Best Request to Put a Bunny Back in a Box Award

Con Air is a gonzo action classic (some hyperbole in the statement) that features Nicolas Cage attempting to get a stuffed bunny to his daughter.

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Worst Accent Award

John Voight’s accent in Anaconda is awesome because it makes zero geographical sense. It’s like a hybrid of Russian, Creole and insanity. I love that Jon Voight went all-in and gave the world a beautifully horrible accent.

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Best Multipass Award

The Fifth Element is a bonkers masterpiece that is still beloved today. Milla Jovovich was awesome as Leeloo and her love of multipasses was a thing of random glory

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Best Dinosaur Smoosh Award

The Lost World: Jurassic Park taught me to never trip when running away from a T-Rex. I’ve always felt bad for the poor guy who was trampled by the rampaging dinosaur because he was straight up obliterated and died because of the “good guy” Vince Vaughn caused all the damage.

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Best Opening Credits Award

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery never gets old. I remember watching it in the theaters four times and loving it more and more. The opening credit scene is pure joy.

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Best Argument With a Narrator

George of the Jungle needs more love. It is a cheeky little thing that is very fun and features a fourth wall breaking moment in which a bad guy argues with the narrator and loses. You never argue with a narrator.

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Best Face Waterfall Award

Face/Off is an insane masterpiece that features grown men doing weird face waterfalls (thanks How Did This Get Made) over people’s faces.

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Less is More Award

Event Horizon showed us a tiny glimpse of hell and it was horrible.

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Best Puns Award

Batman and Robin is a weird film that features Arnold Schwarzenegger punning it up as Mr. Freeze. I remember the 15-year-old me being very confused in the theater.

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Best Alien Cuddle Award

Ellen Ripley is an iconic character who had to deal with a lot of crap in Alien: Resurrection. I still can’t believe she had to cuddle with a weird/gross alien

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Pacino Turns it to 11 Award

Al Pacino really went for it in The Devil’s Advocate. Dude was a great devil.

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Best Pen in the Neck Award

Grosse Pointe Blank is one of my favorite films and I love the hallway fight that ends with a pen in a guys neck. If you haven’t watched Grosse Pointe Blank  do it now!

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Samuel L. Jackson is My Hero Award

Jackie Brown is an underrated film that features another brilliant Sam Jackson performance.

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I Felt Really Bad for Cary Elwes in Liar Liar Award

He was a nice dude who tried his best and lost to a jerk. Cary Elwes was a great Baxter.

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Best Crab Removal

The killer fisherman in I Know What You Did Last Summer pulled off a minor miracle when he was able to fill up a trunk with a dead body and crabs without any seeing. He pulled off a major miracle when he was able to quickly remove them during the day without anyone noticing.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 19, 2017 10:18 am

    This is great. 1997 filled with so many good bad movies and plain good ones. Particularly Con-Air — if you get a chance, you should see my brief write-up on it: https://guiltypleasurelove.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/con-air-an-ode-to-american-earnestness/

    I think it’s a more than just a piece of schlock!

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