Bad Movie Tuesday: I Finally Watched Swimfan

 

It would be great to see this turd squashed under a truck, preferably a semi.

Peter Travers – Rolling Stone

I never thought I would watch Swimfan. I’ve owned the DVD for many years and it’s become an inside joke amongst the MFF crew that I haven’t watched it yet. Just the knowledge that it was sitting on my DVD shelf was enough for me. However, after an airing of My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that riffs on Swimfan (Swimchan) my wife talked me into finally watching the movie. The result was a breezy and dumb 90 minutes that featured moped accidents, PED allegations, and shoddy police work.

The story revolves around a talented swimmer dealing with an insane person. The protagonist is the stereotypical cool kid who has an awesome girlfriend and has scouts from Stanford coming to watch him swim. However, he starts hanging around the new girl and they end up hooking up very quickly in a swimming pool. It all starts going awry for the kid and his stalker starts emailing him a lot and showing up at his house (yada yada yada).

The thing I love most about Swimfam is how it lead me to ask questions I never thought I would ask:

1. Why would he cheat on Amy? She seems chill.
2. Do you remember trucker hats?
3. Who taught this teenage girl to be like the Terminator?
4. How did she slip him anabolic steroids?
5. I wonder what that dude from Detroit Rock City has been up to?

The movie is an absolute head scratcher, it must be because it was written by two guys who haven’t done much since. However, if you can put aside the badness you will have a good time watching everything unfold exactly as you’d expect. It’s like the diet cola version of junk food which allows you to enjoy without feeling too much guilt. Swimfan won’t leave you feeling drained because it doesn’t create any investment (Think Fatal Attraction’s gut punch). If you are cooking dinner or vacuuming the floor this film will be an ideal watch. I don’t want you to think that I’m slamming this poor little thriller. Movies like this need to exist and they do a great job flooding cable with perfect background fodder that reminds you of the early 2000s.

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Should you watch Swimfan? If you plan on cleaning your house this weekend the answer is “sure.”