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10 Incredibly Mundane Questions I Have About ‘Avengers: Infinity War’

May 7, 2018

SPOILERS!!!!

SPOILERS!!!!

SPOILERS!!!!

I loved Avengers: Infinity Wars because it managed to pack 10 years worth of Marvel storytelling into a cohesive, funny, emotional, and overwhelming experience that demands multiple viewings and makes viewers ask many questions about what happens next. Instead of asking the obvious questions that have been written about ad nauseam, I came up with 10 questions that don’t matter much in regards to who lives or dies. These questions are supermundane and pointless but they do explore some unexplored questions that people (AKA me) might have.

Quick note: Make sure to listen to our Avengers: Infinity War podcast. It’s pretty great and I guarantee we’re the only people talking about Thanos eating half of a grouper sandwich.

1. Who Taught Thanos How to Box?

I know Thanos is a titan who has lived many years and fought many battles. However, if he was self-taught he could’ve learned some bad boxing habits that would make him look silly when battling someone who was his equal. Somebody must’ve taught him boxing skills (footwork, angles, combinations), and I’d love to know who got tasked with one of the worst jobs in the universe. Does Thanos spar lightly? Can you give Thanos advice? What happens when the speed bag gets the better of him? Are there heavy punching bags big enough for Thanos?

There are no clips of the fight, but when you watch it again make sure to look for all the things that Thanos does right while fighting.

Thanos can fight – pic credit.

2. What Does Red Skull Do In His Downtime?

Red Skull has a lot of downtime and I wonder how he keeps himself entertained on Vormir. I know he learned how to access the powerful Soul Stone but he can’t obtain it which must be incredibly frustrating. Thus, he is stuck on a desolate planet with an Infinity Stone taunting him at all moments. Has he mastered yoga? Does he jog? How many people has he taken to the Soul Stone? Are there books on Vormir?

Is there booze on Vormir?

3. Do Chaperones Hate Peter Parker?

I feel terrible for any high school chaperone or bus driver who has to keep tabs on Peter Parker. The kid can disappear at any moment and it looks really bad for a teacher/driver when one of their charges has vanished. Also, what happens when all the kids on the bus in Avengers: Infinity War realize Peter is gone? I know they have more important issues but his disappearances have become a bit of a pattern.

Poor guy had a terrible time keeping up with Peter in Spiderman: Homecoming.

4. What Is Justin Hammer Up To?

Justin Hammer would be no help when battling Thanos but I still like the guy and think he would add some levity to all the death. I know that he is still in the maximum security Seagate Prison and has zero chance of escape because he isn’t that clever and seemed quite content when we saw him last. The best bet for him to see the light of day is after Thanos snaps his finger and 50% of the people disappear. He could capitalize on the confusion and walk out of the prison when everyone is justifiably freaking out. Then, I hope he teams up with Trever Slattery (Iron Man 3 – Ben Kingsley is the best), and they form a weird criminal partnership that annoys The Avengers after they help them defeat Thanos.

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5. Could Thanos See Drax When He is Standing Still

I was very impressed with the stillness that Drax achieve’s when he puts his mind to it. I love that he can stay still for an hour and nobody notices (not that they were looking). It would be awesome to see if he could trick Thanos into thinking there wasn’t a 6’5 muscular behemoth in close proximity? Drax blends in really well into his surroundings and I’m thinking the best way to defeat Thanos is by a Drax surprise attack that was hours in the making.

He does blend in well.

6. Did They Make a Joke About Thanos and his Floating Throne?

Many jokes have been made about how Thanos never left his floating chair in Guardians of the Galaxy. The dude seemed totally comfy in his floating rock throne and because of this he never came across as threatening, powerful or proactive. That all changed in Avengers: Infinity War when he kicked everyone’s butt and proved himself to be a wrecking machine capable of pulling a 10-7 round on The Hulk (see above boxing). There is a moment in Avengers: Infinity War when he is in his spaceship with the recently kidnapped Gomora and she says “I always hated that chair.” Is that a joke about the floating chair? Did directors Joe and Anthony Russo really take a dig at his love of chairs? If so, I love it.

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7. What is Peter Quill’s Current Zune Playlist?

I’m sure that Quill is still jamming out to the two Awesome Mixes, but the Zune must’ve opened up his world to some brand new music. Here are five songs I think he would love.

  1. Slow Ride – Foghat
  2. Take on Me – a-ha
  3. Down Under – Men at Work
  4. Don’t Stop Believing – Journey
  5. Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns & Roses

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8. What is Eltri up to now?

I feel really bad for Eltri (Peter Dinklage) because he is all alone on Nidavellier and has nothing to do. I guess he could keep forging sweet weapons, but I doubt he will be making them all willy-nilly after Thanos attacked and killed all his people. How do you keep yourself busy when you are alone and mourning the death of your friends?

(Photo by C Flanigan/Getty Images)

The dude is gonna be bored and sad.

9. Will Wong Go to Tony Stark’s Wedding? 

I sure hope he does. If the wedding happens, I’m expecting Tony to send Wong an invite (with a +1) that hopefully doesn’t ask him to perform magic tricks at the reception. I do think it would be awesome to see the Beyonce-loving-Wong, DJ’ing Tony’s reception because I’m certain Dr. Strange got him into music.

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10. Will Tony Help Nebula With Upgrades?

I really hope Nebula is the one to kill Thanos because he is responsible for ripping her body apart and turning her into a homicidal killer (who got better) who has probably killed thousands of people (which she might regret). She has suffered for too long and it would be awesome if Tony set her up with a sweet suit that could give her the upper hand on the weakened titan. How cool would it be if a super-suited Nebula beats the living sh*t out of Thanos, saves the galaxy and brings everyone back?

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What random Avengers: Infinity War questions do you have?

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