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John’s Horror Corner: Death-scort Service (2015), the ultra-sleazy X-rated horror I accidentally watched.

March 24, 2021

MY CALL: This was… an experience. And it’s an experience not meant for the masses. I often found myself not believing what I was watching! Like, it’s not porn… but it’s porn. MORE MOVIES LIKE Death-scort Service: Not sure. But I’d guess more films by the same director. There are apparently two sequels (2017, 2018).

Co-writer and director Sean Donohue (Die Die Delta Pie, Naked Cannibal Campers) has made a movie that makes sure you are well-aware that it knows exactly what is: gory smutty porny nonsense. Yes, this is an incredibly smutty film. But I’m somehow a tad impressed, even if also a bit embarrassed to admit I’ve watched it—and I am not afraid to admit to owning two Human Centipede films (which are, no joke, like Disney films compared to this). With a budget of $1500, it fairs better than numerous horror films with literally 10-50 times its budget.

Let’s be honest, as an adult I really disfavor smutty horror these days. But this one feels like a puberty time capsule. This is exactly what I was hoping to rent from Blockbuster based on a risqué VHS box in the early 90s. Why? Because back then I really wanted to see boobs or learn more about sex and very few people I knew had a computer. So when this movie opens with an extra-long (extremely Penthouse forum-ish) shower scene, all I can think is “this would mesmerize 12-year-old me.” And what this offers that Playboy does not is naked women doused in blood in a Psycho (1960) death scene homage… if that’s your thing. But if you’ve read this far, it just might be. Or maybe you’re just baffled by what I’m writing right now.

Make no mistake, this movie has loads of shower scenes and full-frontal nudity (including elderly male). But sometimes I also feel like I have a view directly to women’s internal organs! I’m not exaggerating. This should clearly be rated X and not just NC-17… because you see a lot! If you couldn’t get to the all-nude strip club because of COVID, then this movie might be the next best thing. Not sure what to call this… softcore horror porn maybe? I mean, the death scenes even wander into the pornographic zone and basically nothing was this pornographic in any horror section of any video store that I’m aware (unless you were in an Adult Video Store). This is like a porn-LITE parody of a horror movie without the parody.

To this film’s credit, it tries really hard with some of these gory death scenes. One featured the victim pulling on her own guts (that appeared to be gelatinous animal fat and animal livers); another power-drilled a woman in the head; there was a perversely mean death by violent penetration; our killer forms a face from lacerated bits of the victims; and there’s some just plain mean sexual mutilation. I feel I might be seeing some mild influence from Maniac (1980) here.

Most of you are likely wondering how I even came to watch this. So my recommendation is that you know who you are and if this is for you. There’s no convincing with a film like this. You’re either titillated that this was even made, or disgusted by existence. Choose your side.

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