BAD MOVIE TUESDAY: Robot Holocaust (1987), and how Five or Six Robots and a Pleasure Machine FemBot Somehow Enslaved Humanity.

MY CALL: This is solid gold bad for those of you seeking so bad it’s good film fare. MOVIES LIKE Robot Holocaust: For more robot apocalypse Bad Movie Tuesday to chew on, consider Nemesis (1992).

With the last city Terra in shambles and radioactive fallout after the Skynet-esque mass robot rebellion of 2033, the human race has become enslaved by robot overlords. However, despite wearing torn rags for clothes, their clothing is often quite clean and unwrinkled, as if fresh from the wardrobe department. And these post-apocalyptic survivors are likewise quite clean, groomed and quite healthy-looking in most cases. This movie isn’t even trying. And speaking of not even trying, the fight choreography of two gladiatorial slaves in the opening scene is middle school filmmaker quality. This is instantly atrocious in the best way, and I’m thrilled to be watching it!

A C3PO-like man-in-a-rubber-suit robot communicates telepathically with our antihero Neo (Norris Culf; Breeders, Mutant Hunt) to learn of the dark leader’s plot to maintain the enslavement of humanity. Neo is a wasteland rebel who can breathe the toxic air of this world. He’s basically the chosen one, and the Wachowskis probably narrowly escaped a lawsuit by virtue that the filmmakers inability to afford a lawyer.

The dark leader of this land controls the breathable atmosphere (with a remote control) and lives in the Power Station with his showgirl-attired human Valaria (Angelika Jager)—she’s like the sultry Evil-Lyn to his bossy Skeletor. The dark one is also served by the icky, tendril-mouthed, red robotic servant Torque. Throughout the movie, the Dark One is just a voice speaking to Valaria through an intercom system of sorts.

The plot points of this movie feel like it was storyboarded by a couple of 12-year-olds playing Dungeons & Dragons. It’s kinda’ great as it basks in its mind-numbingly stupid charm. Filmed on-location, the post-apocalyptic city is depicted by showing empty lots or dilapidated buildings… with a perfectly in-tact New York City in the background complete with skyscrapers. As our heroes trek across the wasteland, this feels like a D&D party. They cross the “She Zone”, ruled by an all-female, face-painted Amazon society straight out of a Troma film. They navigate the “caverns” filled with man-eating sewer worms. They face the Wasteland’s mutant cannibals, defeating them with the clumsiest of one-take-because-we-don’t-have-the-money-for-two-takes combat. They face the Vault of Beasts, including the stupid Beast of the Web (presented to us as maybe a giant spider leg with maybe a mouth on the end). And at one point, our hero actually tries to strangle a robot!

The Power Station is home to the Pleasure Machine. Yup, it’s as crass as it sounds. Topless women enjoy electric Spencer Gifts, fog machines and rave dances around this Pleasure Machine, a clear ancestor to Severance’s “Waffle Party.”

Not sure how the dark one managed to enslave humanity when his employment roster seems to be limited to Valaria, her non-combatant Pleasure Machine dancers, Torque, and maybe four guard bots. Truly, if they armed Valaria’s exotic dancers, they’d be even better fortified. But again, middle school filmmaker quality abounds.

Written and directed by Tom Kincaid (Breeders, Mutant Hunt, The Occultist), who so kindly took a break from his adult film career to make a few schlocky 80s horror flicks, this kooky schlock is a delight, and also not a fraction as exploitative as you’d expect. It’s so bad it’s good to the degree of being worthy of a single laughable viewing. Kincaid’s movies are always good for at least one eye-rolling watch.

I must say, the title is a bit misleading. I think Five or Six Robots and a Pleasure Machine FemBot Somehow Enslaved Humanity would be more accurately informative. The only Holocaust observed victimized good taste and budget.