Pulp Reviews: The Burrowers (2008), Hellarious (2019), Trilogy of Terror (1975)

PULP REVIEW: noun//A review devoid of a thorough or complete synopsis, but including snarky snippets, ideas and/or overall opinions/recommendations.
Alt. def. A review of a movie that was not worth my time to write a full review… or I didn’t have time… or Mark wrote one already… you get it!

The Burrowers (2008) is something of a “western horror” hidden gem that would pair well with Dead Birds (2004). After what appears to be a brutal Indian slaughter of a white settler family in the Dakota Territories 1879, investigation reveals the existence of a “burrowing tribe.” This film plays out slowly. But it feels like a real western… just with burrowing monsters occasionally letting their existence be known to the audience. We end up seeing lot more in the way of gunfights shooting at monsters in the dark than we do monster/horror action. Eventually we see some of these acid-drooling troglodytes which paralyze and bury their prey for later like some giant cannibalistic mole people. Their dietary practices seem to mesh The Fly (1986) and Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988). I guess that tracks for monsters with a face like a pug bred with a lamprey. In addition to being a capably not-too-intense monster action-horror, there are a lot of familiar faces in this film—e.g., Clancy Brown. That was my draw to this film.

I’m sorry. But Hellarious (2019) is a horror-comedy anthology to avoid. It looks and feels extremely indie—kind of like Tales of Halloween (2015) or Scare Package (2019). There’s a killer shopping cart and… no. I couldn’t continue to even finish the segment anthology segment. This was terrible.

Trilogy of Terror (1975) is just a good, mean, gritty, retro slasher for fans of brutal masked killer classics. This classic horror anthology features Karen Black (Invaders from Mars, Children of the Night, It’s Alive III, House of 1000 Corpses, Mirror Mirror, Night Angel) playing different lead roles in all of the stories—and that’s what makes this anthology special standout. Karen Black actually plays twin sisters in one of the shorts. The stories feature a voodoo doll, multiple personality disorder, an evil killer doll, and sexual extortion. If you’ve never seen this movie or saw it so long ago you can’t remember much, the African Zuni fetish doll tends to be what sticks out. This is the most lively of the segments, with wonderful doll attacks like a rabid gremlin assault.