Do you want to become a lean, mean, cinematic loving machine? These 13 exercises will get you 100% ripped, 100% of the time (based on zero instances of this happening). These moments of exercise worked for fictional heroes so they must be perfect for everybody else.
MFF is not responsible for any injuries that are the result of this workout system. Be smart people!
If you aren’t into working out check out the cinematic walking piece I wrote. There are many great examples of walking.
1. Exaggeration Curls – Anchorman
Do you not want to workout because you are afraid what people will think? If you answered “yes” you should pull a Ron Burgundy and confuse everybody by doing exaggeration curls. The trick is to exaggerate your numbers every time people walk by. People will know you are lying, but they won’t know you only did four curls.
You can use this system for all the workouts below.
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2. Corona Curls – The Fast and the Furious films
Everybody in the Fast movies are ripped. How do they stay so svelte? The short answer is Corona curls. Basically, drink Corona bottles constantly and fling them at your face like you’ve never drank corona before. The trick is to ignore all drinking logic and invent new ways to make beer explode in your face.
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3. Wear a Knee Brace – The Dark Knight Rises
Have you been out of action for a while and need to get back in shape quickly? Wear a knee brace. It worked in The Dark Knight Rises. I have no idea how the knee brace cured all of Batman’s physical woes but movies never lie.
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4. Master the Ben Affleck Gratuitous Pull-Up – The Town & Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Ben Affleck loves to show off his pull-up skills. In The Town and BvS he had no problem lifting himself up on metal bars. If you have a door frame or bat cave, I recommend you put up a pull-up bar and get to work. An added bonus is all the gratuitous pull-ups you can do at parties you host.
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5. Become an Actor and Get Cast as Wolverine – Way too Many X-Men Movies
Hugh Jackman has been ripped for a long time. The guy always has a Wolverine movie around the corner so he needs to be in fighting shape 24/7. Start acting now!
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6. Have Somebody Forcefully Make You Do the Splits – Bloodsport
JCVD is always doing the splits. They’ve aided him in many films and gotten him out of trouble on several occasions. If you watch JCVD movies you know the splits make you invincible.
The splits happen at 3:33 in the video.
Disclaimer: work your way up slowly. Don’t jump into tree branch splits immediately.
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7. Master Movie Trailer Yoga – Edge of Tomorrow
Rita Vrataski was absolutely shredded in Edge of Tomorrow. Her major workout was movie trailer yoga. What is movie trailer yoga? It features moves that look really cool and show off all the muscles. There is no need to learn anything intricate, just do what looks cool.
Here is a great example and clip.
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A close runner up is in Roadhouse. I call it “creepy Tai Chi”
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8. Carry Logs Around – Commando & Rocky IV
You don’t need to buy weights when you have tree trucks and logs lying around. They are nature’s bar bells and you can do anything with them. Whether you want to improve endurance or show off your biceps these dead trees are perfect for you. An added bonus is you can use them for fire’s later on.
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When done with the log you can become like Captain America in Avengers: Age of Ultron and break them apart!
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9. Run in Sand, Mud or Snow – Rocky IV, Rocky III, Chariots of Fire, 10, Best of the Best and Naked Gun
The trick is to run on surfaces that aren’t concrete. Movies have taught me that beach/snow/mud running is the greatest exercises of all. Get outside and run on the beach or tundra.
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10. Master the one-arm pushup – G.I. Jane
It worked for Demi Moore in G.I. Jane and it can work for you. I don’t recommend you do the majority of these exercises in this video because you will 100% hurt yourself (chair pushups?). Start with regular pushups and work your way up to being a one-arm pushup master. It will take some time but if you’ve been doing the above exercises they will be easy.
Sidenote: You don’t have to shave your head.
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11. Carry around a little Jedi or broken android on your back – The Empire Strikes Back
If you are planning on hiking the Appalachian trail or being pretentious on a mountain in Nepal I recommend you train for it by carrying something on your back. In The Empire Strikes Back, Chewbacca and Luke Skywalker both have the opportunity to carry things on their back. It worked out well for them!
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12. Sprint like you just robbed a bank or grocery store – Run Lola Run
Lola runs a lot in Run Lola Run. If you planning on getting into Spartan Races you will need to learn the art of interval training. Simple jogging won’t cut it. You will need to be able to sprint, jump, dodge, duck and dip. When you sprint like you just robbed a bank everything becomes a hurdle.
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13. When your neighbors are out of town, break into their house and pretend that it is being attacked by zombies – Night of the Living Dead
Keeping zombies out of an unprepared home is a lot of work. You need to board up everything and think two steps ahead. I guarantee you will be exhausted by the time you zombie-proof the home.
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Ericcson Core the director of the Point Break remake made a big time mistake when choosing the direction of the film. He confines the action to a bunch of GoPro scenes that put helmets on the actors and suck all the life out of the proceedings. Thus, we are watching people we barely know, do things we don’t care about. Very few of the extreme stunts further the plot and they look like the videos you see at a GoPro booth. The original Point Break was about the characters and embraced machismo and smart stupidity. This new remake is all about the stunts and the characters are barely allowed to crack a smile. Thus, the “extreme” action becomes boring and nobody high fives whilst skydiving.
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What made the original Point Break such an action classic was the human element. Director Kathryn Bigelow realized action doesn’t matter if you don’t like the people doing the insane stunts. Whether they were playing football or jumping out of planes the danger seemed real and the actors looked legitimately pumped. Patrick Swayze’s character Bodhi was a force of nature who spouted Zen rhetoric and robbed banks. He was a walking contradiction that 100% believed in himself. I love the original film. and I believe it is one of the best action films of the 1990s because it balanced absurdity with memorable characters.
This Point Break remake sets up our main character as a brash poly-athlete whose poor decisions hurt others around him. So, our “hero” is a massive turd who takes others down with him. Seven years later, he is in the FBI and he gets assigned to hunting down some extreme thieves who love doing insane stunts. Eventually, he bonds with the thieves over surfing, fighting, skiing and more extreme sports. Then, he meets the readily available Samsara (Teresa Palmer) and the two start a budding relationship that goes nowhere.
There are some truly beautiful vistas but none of them matter because the humans are blank slates. I am a big fan of Edgar Ramirez (Che, Zero Dark Thirty) but his Bodhi character is basically all hair and lame one-liners. Core should’ve let the dude speak, because he is a solid actor that could pull off the art of Zen and motorcycle maintenance. I don’t remember a single line of Bodhi dialogue, and that is a problem when the character is supposed to be iconic.
If Core would’ve added some more character moments the movie would’ve been a perfectly fine HBO movie. The characters don’t matter and when somebody dies you could care less. I didn’t even know the names of the majority of the side characters. The only time I got excited is when when surfing legend Laird Hamilton popped up during a surfing scene. I am a big fan of Laird, and become invested in the moment because the dude is awesome and his appearance in the surfing documentary Riding Giants was epic. However, he soon left and I was stuck with some people I didn’t care about. The surfing was cool though.
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Point Break is a cacophony of lame dialogue, terrible tattoos and fantastic vistas. It has zero personality and that is a shame because I like most of the people involved. Hopefully, this forces studios to think twice before revamping beloved properties and recreating iconic characters.
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We Are Still Here: Horror Done Right
We Are Still Here is a fantastic horror film and a great calling card for director/writer Ted Geoghegan. It is a treat for educated horror fans because it celebrates the work of director Lucio Fulci while telling a brilliant new tale of lots of death. It quickly introduces us to the “villains” while featuring one of the best slow burn endings I’ve seen in a long time. It is rare when a film gets to the action swiftly but still manages to take its time before the ending insanity (you’ll see). Any time a person won’t perform a seance because “the darkness is everywhere” you know you are in for something good.
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We Are Still Here centers around a married couple moving to rural New England after the death of their son. Anne (Barbara Crampton) has fallen into an understandable depression while Paul (Andrew Sensenig) has taken to drinking and ignoring his wife’s pleas that the house is haunted. The “very old house” used to be a funeral parlor and the family who lived in it were run out of the area after the townsfolk accused them of selling bodies instead of burying them. The threat becomes real quickly, so, Anne calls up her physic friend May (Lisa Marie) and her husband Jacob (Larry Fessenden) to come check out the house. From there, things go insane and I appreciated every second of the mayhem.
What I love most about We Are Still Here is how it uses jump scares to perfection. I can’t remember the last time I had a smile on my face because of a well-timed evil ghost passing through the background. It was refreshing to see that a horror director actually put some thought into freaking out the audience and didn’t just throw in a random cat or sneaky family member. When done properly the jump scare can further the plot and introduce some truly terrible villains (think Insidious).
We Are Still Here adopts a retro vibe, and the 1970s setting helps build the suspense because of the lack of cell phones and modern technology. An added dose of paranoia is applied because you never know how much the townsfolk actually know about the haunted house. I like that the mystery of the house is slowly unfolded layer by layer while still not telling you everything. You will never guess where the movie is headed because it goes to crazy- bonkers town.
We Are Still Here is a fantastic throwback horror film that expertly balances blood, horror and likable characters. You will love it.
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The biggest problem with The Witch is the insane visuals can never be unseen. It is a sensory-blasting experience that is confidently directed and skillfully filmed. The Witch is a realistic and patient horror film that rewards people with attention spans and will certainly annoy those who are looking for slasher violence. It joins the ranks of recent horror films like It Follows, The Babadook, Spring, Creep, Honeymoon, Under the Skin, Cheap Thrills and The Guest because of their adherence to telling a good story that fits in the “horror” realm.
The Witch tells the story of a 17th-century Puritan family dealing with an absolute jerk of a witch. The family moved away from their Puritan settlement because of threat of banishment, and they’ve alienated themselves in the New England woods in order to practice their interpretation of the bible. The father William (Ralph Ineson) is a gruff man who wants to “conquer the woods” and his family suffers from the isolation and oppression. The four kids do the best they can, but living in the harsh conditions makes them stir-crazy and bored (never a good thing for kids).
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Things start going south when during an innocent game of peekaboo between teenage daughter Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy) and her baby brother goes awry. When Thomasin opens her eyes the baby is missing and we are unlucky enough to view a shocking montage of terrible witch/baby activity. From there, paranoia and shifting blame takes place, and the family has to endure things that would make the Blair Witch cringe.
The Witch is a tough watch, but director Robert Eggers confident direction gives the viewer a truly unique and meticulously researched vision. As a fan of film I appreciated that a rookie director was able to create such a unique and singular film. I was also surprised to learn that director Chris Columbus (Home Alone, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone) rescued the film in post-production and helped get it a wide release. I appreciate that such a tiny film has made such a splash.
Thank you Chris Columbus!
The gap between critics and audiences when it comes to The Witch is pretty wild. The Rotten Tomatoes critical average is currently 91% while audiences scored it at 55%. The gap is understandable because this is an art-house horror film that doesn’t pander to the gore hounds. Jason Coffman of Cinenation wrote a great piece entitled “This is why we can’t have nice things: “The Witch” and horror fandoms gatekeepers.” Coffman laments the fact that supposed horror lovers hate the film and went of their way to bash it in the online forums. I loved the piece and it motivated me to write about horror films that could actually unite the masses because I am very interested in the gap between horror fans. The Witch was marketed as “the scariest horror film in years.” I can somewhat agree with the statement but that statement doomed the film to mass complaints. This is not a “wham bam” horror film that kills co-eds and features a horror menace who needs sequels.
The Witch is not for the faint of heart. It is a tough watch that will linger in your memory and make you uncomfortable when building a settlement in the woods. If you are a big time cinephile check it out!
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #60: Shane Black and Daniel Plainview’s Bowling Shoes
You can download the pod on iTunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back, and we are talking about director/writer Shane Black’s career. Black burst onto the scene in 1987 with the script for Lethal Weapon and has since become a Hollywood mainstay who has brought us Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Iron Man 3 and The Nice Guys. The dude’s career has been incredibly influential, and we just had to talk about how a guy who is only responsible for a handful of films has had such an impact.
I love Lethal Weapon.
As always, we answer listener questions and ponder if Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood rents bowling shoes. Enjoy the pod!
You can stream the pod on Blog Talk Radio or download it from Itunes. If you get a chance please rate and review the pod. You are awesome!
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The streaming landscape is so vast it becomes difficult to single out one film to watch. In an effort to save you time and energy I’ve scoured the streaming services and started offering film/television recommendations that you might appreciate. These five horror films are incredibly eclectic, but they all offer something different for the viewer. If you are looking for something to watch you can’t go wrong with these five films. Enjoy!
1. Scream 2
Scream 2 is so good it defies all sequel logic. Scream hit the theaters in 1996 and exploded into a cultural phenomenon. A sequel was ordered and it was to be released in 357 days. Thus, in one year a script needed to be written, actors had to be cast, locations had to be scouted, filming had to commence, editing was required and marketing needed to do its thing. In the world of sequels a one year turn around is tantamount to disaster. No other sequel that has been released a year after the original has been as critically beloved and audience appreciated. It was a perfect blend of craftsmanship, talent and synergy.
Scream 2 is the best horror sequel ever made. Make sure to check out the piece I wrote about it and our podcast on all things Wes Craven.
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2. Hush
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Hush is the best horror film of 2016 (so far) and Netflix was smart to snatch it up. Hush tells the story of cat-and -mouse game between a resourceful woman and a deadly killer. You will love how practical, smart and efficient it is. Director Mike Flanagan (Oculus) is turning out to be a fantastic horror director and I can’t wait to see what he doesn next. An added bonus is Stephen King loves it!
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3. Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead is gloriously violent and all kinds of fun. Director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow, Hansel and Gretel) is a maestro of mayhem who turns the violence and humor up to 11. He has found a way to make head smooshes, decapitation and blood eruptions palatable via his offbeat humor. The antics never seem mean-spirited because Wirkola infuses his films with a glee filled imagination that incorporates blood-letting very well.
Dead Snow 2 is so full of life and ludicrous characters that you can’t help but enjoy the ride. We are blessed with likable characters, cheeky one-liners and a zombie sidekick who routinely gets killed and brought back to life (Martin’s hand revives dead zombies). Just when you think the gore can’t get any crazier we get a massive Russian zombie vs. Nazi zombie battle. It is excessive (miles of intestines are pulled), inventive and ends on a tank fist fight.
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4. The Hallow
The Hallow is a neat little Irish horror film that excels at creating likable characters and gooey practical effects. What I love about the film is how it plays with conventions while subverting them. You never know where it is going and despite the familiar elements it all feels fresh. If you like the movie make sure to check out our podcast where we go in-depth into all things gooey and evil.
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5. Devil
I am a big fan of Devil (even the toast bit). It is an under appreciated horror film that starts strong and doesn’t overstay its welcome. The opening shot of Philly upside down does a fine job of establishing dread and proving that the world is upside down. It has a refreshing lack of pretense and it simply wants to tell the world a new story. Shakespeare it ain’t but it was never intended to be the next Exorcist, Omenor Sixth Sense. The horror landscape has a dearth of original ideas so it pains me when something trying to be original gets dismissed before it ever hits the movie screens (people laughed out loud when they saw “produced by M. Night Shyamalan”).
The lack of interest and preconceived notions is a shame because Devil is a neat little one-off film that features a claustrophobic vibe and singular story. The 52% Rotten Tomatoes rating is better than the standard horror film rating and it is light years ahead of the 25% average of Shyamalan’s prior three films. Devil features one of the coolest openings of recent memory and I loved the grey and off-kilter vibe it established. Also, I have no problem with toast being used a devil detector.
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Hush: The Best Horror Film of 2016 (so far)
After watching Hush make sure to listen to our podcast that covers the film. You will love it!
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Hush is a fantastic horror film that does a lot with little and Netflix should be stoked they are streaming it exclusively. I love the film because it plays very practically and features a nameless villain that doesn’t need a backstory or motives. Hush is smart, exciting and Stephen King loves the heck out of it.
Hush was recommended to me (thanks!) and I’m bummed I didn’t get on the bandwagon sooner. It does everything I appreciate and director Mike Flanagan (Oculus) proves once again he can make stock horror elements fresh. Hush isn’t exactly original, but it takes the best of the genre and makes it better. It is perfectly fine to tell a familiar story when you have a good story and capable actors.
Hush tells the simple tale of a resourceful woman surviving a night of horrors. Our hero Maddie (Kate Siegel – who also co-wrote the script) moved out to the country to finish her second book and alienate herself from a bad relationship (I’m guessing). In a true horror coincidence she happens to be deaf, but her deafness isn’t a major hindrance when fighting off the brutal masked killer (John Gallagher Jr.) who sucks her into into a game of cat-and-mouse. Her inability to hear or speak is what allows her to initially stay alive because the killer sees her as easy prey and wants to play with her before he kills her.
The back-and-forth between the two is a lot of fun because their interactions keep defying expectations. There are no monologues, jump scares or “dumb dumb” moments (listen to our Forest podcast). What I love the most is how Maddie keeps digging deeper into her reserves and finding ways to not die. You understand why the killer is playing the games and his underestimating of Maddie is what makes the movie fun.
There are some minor gripes and I still wonder why a deaf woman who lives in isolation doesn’t own a gun. However, they are only minor complaints and the positives far outweigh the negatives. I was really impressed with Kate Siegel’s performance because she was able to blend determination with vulnerability. She doesn’t become an unstoppable force (think You’re Next) and she isn’t fodder to be cut up. I love that she had a hand in writing the script because she was able to form her character on the page and create someone who feels real.
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Hush does a lot in its lean 81-minute running time and I totally recommend you check it out on Netflix. Also, check out this very informative piece that Flanagan wrote on his Facebook page. I love how he breaks down the villain. Let me know what you think!
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The Nice Guys is a fantastic buddy film that is heavy on laughs, blood and more laughs. I enjoyed every second of the madcap mayhem and buddy shenanigans. Director/writer Shane Black is a comedic force of nature who understands that great characters trump all, and his films always ring true because of this. The Nice Guys may not reach the wonderful heights of Black’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang or Lethal Weapon, but it is a lot of fun and I hope it gets a sequel.
Director/Shane Black burst onto the scene back in 1987 when he wrote the script for Lethal Weapon. Since then, he has been an important force of nature in Hollywood. Whether he is writing or directing, his movies have a unique personality and always give people like me something to write about. With The Nice Guys he is back doing what he does best. He is telling a story about a private detective who teams up with an enforcer and they solve a crime. The Nice Guys is Shane Black 101, but I love that class.
What makes The Nice Guys work is the chemistry between Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling. Buddy-comedies live and die on the strength of the the core duos chemistry and the two actors seem to be having a blast (or they are really good actors).
Ryan Gosling proved he had comedic chops in Crazy, Stupid, Love, and his performance in The Nice Guys reinforces that fact. Gosling’s character Holland March is a terrible detective who has no sense of smell and is always drunk. Gosling is at his best when he is reacting to the insanity around him. His reactions range from confused to flabbergasted and he is an endless source of entertainment. You will love the relationship he has with his daughter and appreciate the all-in performance.
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I was worried when I watched The Nice Guys trailer because I’ve never bought Russell Crowe as a schlub. I 100% believe that he could be a gladiator but I don’t buy him as an everyday dude who can’t punch his way out of any situation. In The Nice Guys, Crowe’s character Jackson Healy is a perfect combination of out of shape schlub and powerhouse. I love that Healy is a decent guy who only wants to drink Yoo-hoo and beat people up for money. You will love this different side of Russell Crowe.
The Nice Guys is a breezy film that will leave a smile on your face. If you are into buddy-cop films that revolve around murder, alcohol and one-liners you will love this film. If you haven’t watched Shane Black’s other films I totally recommend you check out Lethal Weapon, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Iron Man 3 and The Last Boy Scout.
I will leave you with Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe in therapy.
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Movies, Films and Flix has a long history with Dolph Lundgren movies. I started the site in 2010 and wrote ad nauseum about terrible Dolph Lundgren films. In hindsight, the posts weren’t any better than the movies. but I enjoyed writing pithy reviews about real and fake Lundgren movies. When I saw the promotional material for Shark Lake I knew it would be the perfect film to help me reintroduce Bad Movie Tuesday to the populace.
Shark Lake tells the age-old tale of a shark harassing the people who live around Lake Tahoe (filmed in Mississippi). The movie starts with a car chase involving the police forcing exotic animal dealer Clint Gray (Dolph Lundgren) to drive straight into a lake. The bull shark in his van (100% true) escapes, and five years later people start dying. From there, we are introduced to some terrible actors who spout hackneyed dialogue while scantily clad women are killed by a shark. Shark Lake could’ve been a contender but instead falls back into pure stupidity and feels like a beautiful idea (Dolph wrestling sharks) was wasted and replaced by everything that makes a movie bad. Also, I’m pretty sure they stole my idea for the fake film Squid Lake (Listen to the pod, it gets weird).
Shark Lake is a really weird movie. It wants to be Sharknado, but it also tells the tale of a redeemed animal collector. It isn’t dumb enough to be fun, and it is too dumb to be a cohesive movie. The shark(s) are superfluous and the performances are hindered by a script that hurts the soul. Lundgren’s character isn’t done any favors because he is set up as a terribly negligent father who deserved jail time and shouldn’t have a chance of being in his daughter’s life. Also, there is a really odd relationship between a cop and a smart scientist guy that leads to some very disconcerting dialogue involving handcuffs.
Shark Lake is the kind of film that doesn’t go far enough to make anything enjoyable. There is a tiny amount of blood and the director never pushes the bikini clad portion far enough. Shark Lake is a PG-13 rated “dumb dumb” fest that only features one person getting their leg bit off whilst gliding over the lake.
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Don’t watch Shark Lake. It is not fun, and the idea of Dolph Lundgren wrestling a shark is far better than the movie. The budget was reportedly $2 million and I have no clue where that money went. The movie looks like it was shot in two days and nobody learned their dialogue ahead of time. If you are looking for a fun yet terrible shark movie I recommend the classic Sharks in Venice.
Sharks in Venice is amazing. You need to watch Stephen Baldwin phone it in.
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You can download the pod on iTunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back, and we are talking about X-Men: Apocalypse and Jeff Goldblum accidentally releasing Thanos! We also break down the X-Men cinematic universe and rank all the films. You will hear about leather jackets, blue people and Roger Ebert’s thoughts on Cyclops.
I like this young crew. Too bad Apocalypse was terrible.
As always, we answer random questions, and ponder how we would abuse super powers (steal Blu-rays!). Sit back, relax and listen to a whole lot of randomness!
Yes, you are!
You can stream the pod on Blog Talk Radio or download it from Itunes. If you get a chance please rate and review the pod. You are awesome!
Movies, Films & Flix 
