The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 469: Love Actually, Richard Curtis and Romantic Comedies
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Mark and John (@MFFHorrorCorner on Twitter) discuss the 2003 romantic comedy epic Love Actually. Directed and written by Richard Curtis, and starring an insane case of talented people, the movie focuses on a plethora of rom-com romances that happen during the holiday season. In this episode, they also talk about John Cusack, Emma Thompson, and the filmography of Richard Curtis. Enjoy!
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 468: Top Gun: Maverick, Tom Cruise and Mustaches
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Mark and David Cross (@ItsMeDavidCross on Twitter) discuss the 2022 blockbuster Top Gun: Maverick. Directed by Joseph Kosinski, and starring Tom Cruise, Miles Teller, Jennifer Connelly, and Glen Powell, the movie focuses on what happens when a maverick pilot is tasked with preparing a group of elite pilots for an impossible mission. In this episode, they also talk about practical effects, movie mustaches, and the excellence of Tom Cruise. Enjoy!
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 467: The 2022 Marvel Cinematic Universe Recap
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Mark and Norbert (@eddiecaine on Twitter) talk about their favorite 2022 Marvel Cinematic Universe moments. It was a busy year for the MCU as three movies, three shows, two specials, and some Groot mini-episodes were released and met with a wide range of opinions. In this episode, they also talk about where the MCU is headed and wonder what Madisynn is up to. Enjoy!
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John’s Horror Corner: Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984), a thoughtfully written yet moderately boring British holiday horror.
MY CALL: This movie had a lot of potential, but somehow dropped the ball on the “horror” in this horror movie. Sorry, but I found it boring. MORE MOVIES LIKE Don’t Open Till Christmas: For more holiday horror, check out Black Christmas (1974, 2006 remake, 2019), Await Further Instructions (2018), Holidays (2016; Christmas), A Christmas Horror Story (2015), Krampus (2015), Better Watch Out (2016), Silent Night Deadly Night (1984), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) Gremlins (1984), Elves (1989), Tales from the Crypt Season 1 (1989; And All Through the House) and Tales from the Crypt (1972; And All Through the House). Skip The Oracle (1985), Silent Night Deadly Night part 2 (1987), and maybe even All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018).
The heavy mouth-breathing killer POV and cheap, retractable blade stabbery make for a rather dull opening sequence that doesn’t leave me terribly optimistic for whatever shall follow. If I’m being completely honest, I enjoyed watching the Christmas party dancing more than the first two kills. The second Santa kill was much better. Nothing particularly impressive, just better than the empty murders of the opening and the subsequent third Santa murder. Oh, and there’s your theme! Our holiday hacker is slashing as many Santas as he can in the days leading up to Christmas.
If this movie had but one success, it’s that I may have never seen so many different people in Santa suits in a single movie before. Nor, I doubt anyway, have I ever seen so many people in Santa suits murdered in a single movie. So… I guess there’s that.
When a wrapped Christmas present is delivered to Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom) with the note “don’t open till Christmas” I suppose we’re all to gawk “that’s the name of the movie!” By the end of the movie when we learn the present’s contents I was underwhelmed with “meh.” And that, likewise, is a fair representation of my experience with this movie. I didn’t hate it. But it was a whole lotta’ “meh.”
The death scenes are largely uninspired, unclever, and phoned-in. They’re often so disappointingly basic as to be less entertaining than the non-horror parts of this British slasher movie. Though the movie isn’t without its occasional charm—like a massively gory exit would from a gunshot through a Santa’s open mouth or a Santa discovered with a cleaver embedded in in his face. But the highlight for me was the “implied” razorblade to the crotch while a blue-collar Santa was at a urinal. Charming indeed, even if we don’t see anything but blood spurts and a urine stream.
The movie “tries” to diversify its death scenes for our entertainment. But it generally fails. A shoeblade kick to the groin and studded gauntlet punch to the face both land very briefly and very flat, not unlike the quick and stale strangling. It’s like they filmed the movie saving the death scenes for the end and then realized they had five bucks of budget left, and then one-take’d a bunch of haphazard and very brief murders.
For as boring as this slash movie is, a lot of attention went to the plot, the creepy opening credit sequence, the police investigation and the characters. Great thought was placed in the personality of the killer (Alan Lake), which would have finely complemented the movie had there been bloodier or better built-up murders. Somehow, though, the atmosphere and cultivation of dread were largely squandered. With a better special effects team, some attention to building tension, and a little more money, this could have been a solid 80s slasher with far above average quality non-horror scenes and acting, along with (hopefully) serviceable horror.
Director Edmund Purdom’s only feature film was nothing special for me; as I’ve said, kind of boring. But it also was no reason for which he should not have directed more horror movies. I wonder what the story was there.
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MY CALL: This was one of the most ridiculous movies I’ve seen in a long time, and I love it for that. The gore and death scenes are poor. But the story is so batshit crazy that the storytelling itself (and the goofy-looking looking evil elf) make this a bad movie diamond in the rough. MORE MOVIES LIKE Elves: For more holiday horror, check out Black Christmas (1974, 2006 remake, 2019 reimagining), All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018), Await Further Instructions (2018), Holidays (2016; Christmas), A Christmas Horror Story (2015), Krampus (2015), Better Watch Out (2016), Silent Night Deadly Night (1984), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) Gremlins (1984), Tales from the Crypt Season 1 (1989; And All Through the House) and Tales from the Crypt (1972; And All Through the House). Skip The Oracle (1985) and Silent Night Deadly Night part 2 (1987).
After unknowingly summoning a mutant elf using her grandfather’s occult work, Kirsten (Julie Austin; Fatal Exposure) and her friends wander home from the forest as a Ghoulies-like rubber, mucus-glazed monster claw emerges from the earth. Yup. This is gonna’ be good!
This rubber elf claw is the kind of prop you imagine being at the end of a stick, held just out of camera frame, as it motions towards things stiffly and menacingly. And as a fan of cheap 80s horror, these hardly-prehensile monster limbs often feel like characters themselves (like the stand-in for the monster before it appears in the late-movie full-body shot). But yes, this limb is attached to a gnarly malformed elf which follows Kirsten home, breaks into the house, and attacks her perverted little brother who was peeping at Kirsten naked in the shower. Staying in perverted theme, a lude department store Santa that gets handsy with Kirsten is stabbed to death in his genitalia by the elf. With the death of the sex-offender mall Santa, a down and out Grizzly Adams (Dan Haggerty; The Chilling, Terror Night) is hired the same day as his replacement.
It turns out that while Kirsten’s mother suspects a rabid racoon for the domestic elf attacks, Kirsten’s grandfather knows all too well what is happening. He knows about this evil elf and its purpose—which is to breed (with Kirsten) and create a superhuman race of Nazi lineage! And just in case that little plot point wasn’t ridiculous enough, her grandfather is also her father! She was created by selective inbreeding by her ex-Nazi father/grandfather to carry the perfect set of genes for elf-breeding. About now you might wonder how this could be ideal… they don’t explain it. But as a sliver of redemptive morality, her grandfather—who admitted to drugging and impregnating his own daughter—has had a change of heart and no longer wants the Elven Nazi master race to come to fruition. But fret not, there are other contemporary Nazis who plan to see that this happens! Apparently the Nazis had been studying elves for decades, and one of gramps’ old colleagues still believes in the rise of the next Reich.
NAZI HORROR SIDEBAR: For yet more Nazi horror, you should explore seeing Iron Sky (2012), Iron Sky 2: The Coming Race (2019), Dead Snow (2009), Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead (2014), Overlord (2018), Hellboy (2004), Green Room (2015), Yoga Hosers (2016), Manborg (2011), Zombie Lake (1981), Oasis of the Zombies (1982), The Keep (1983), Frankenstein’s Army (2013), Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge (1991), Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003), Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010), Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012) and Puppet Master: Axis Termination (2017). And while not using Nazis as a direct antagonist, I’ll include Blood Vessel (2019).
I was somewhat disappointed and, in my head, blaming a meager budget when I discovered there was only one “elf” in this movie called Elves. But you know what? Our one elf’s face is awesome. He has a permanent expression of slack-jawed horrific disdain like he just smelled a life-threateningly bad fart while simultaneously becoming enraged as he realized who dealt it.
Half the action is human on human, guns and fists, and is quite unexciting. The monster effects are incredibly weak, infrequent, and very little worthy gore or horror action happens on screen. But I found this surprisingly forgivable. Rather than rubber guts and death scenes, this movie instead thrives on the wacktastic appearance of the elf and the complete lunacy of the story. And boy is it a bonkers laugh. I really enjoyed hearing the layers of drug-induced storytelling.
One of the most horrifying things in this movie is when Kirsten’s sociopathic mother (Deanna Lund; Roots of Evil, Superstition 2) drowns a cat in a toilet, wrongly thinking the cat attacked her young son—you know, before the rabid racoon theory. Thankfully, she gets hers when the elf electrocutes her in the bathtub.
Director and co-writer Jeffrey Mandel (Cyber-C.H.I.C) has made more of an unintentional comedy than a horror movie here. And I am just fine with that. While I enjoy or even rave about some entertaining bad movies, most of them I’d never really care to see again. However, much like Christmas, I could see myself enjoying Elves every year as I give new movie-goers the gift of this bad movie gem.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 466 – Grizzly (1976), Movie Bears, and Jaws Rip-Off Films
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Mark and David Cross (@ItsMeDavidCross on Twitter) discuss the 1976 creature feature Grizzly. Directed by William Girdler, and starring Christopher George, Andrew Prine, Richard Jaeckel, and a large bear, the movie focuses on what happens when a man-eating grizzly starts eating campers. In this episode, they also talk about monster movies, famous bears, and films that did a great job ripping off Jaws. Enjoy!
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MY CALL: This is the second film in Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy and a worthy education in early non-Romero zombie horror for any genre film fan. The storytelling is a bit discombobulated, but there’s a satisfying diversity of special effects and gore. Highly recommended to fans of 80s horror and gorehounds, and it doesn’t particularly matter if you see these movies in order. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Beyond: Easily the best choice is Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978) and Fulci’s Zombie (1979), City of the Living Dead (1980) and The House by the Cemetery (1981)—the latter two being two-thirds of Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy.
The Lovecraftian connection is weak, but present—and the Cthulhu Wiki recognizes that The Beyond is perhaps a rather loose adaptation of The Dunwich Horror (1970). Just as in City of the Living Dead (1980), a priest from Dunwich somehow opens a gateway to Hell (or some dark void beyond).
Over 50 years after a warlock is tortured, graphically crucified and partially melted in 1927, Liza (Catriona MacColl; The House by the Cemetery, City of the Living Dead) inherits the old hotel where it all happened.
Shortly after this inheritance, Liza finds a strange blind woman Emily (Cinzia Monreale; Beyond the Darkness, Cave of the Sharks) and her dog in the middle of nowhere. So for no good reason at all, Liza brings this stranger to the hotel, where she remains for reasons that go unexplained. Possessing some psychic powers, Emily explains that the hotel was built on one of the Seven Gateways to Hell. This is probably about where I’d ask Emily to leave. But Liza is a much kinder host than I. And whereas Emily is the harbinger of supernatural things to come, Dr. McCabe (David Warbeck; Breakfast with Dracula, Miami Golem, Trog) balances things as our resident skeptic.
As is so often the case, the first sightings of evil zombie-ish fare transpire in some elaborate, hidden-away corridors in the basement. After the strange mutilating death of Liza’s plumber, the discovery of a 60-year-old water-logged cadaver, and the freak accident acid-melting death of the plumber’s wife in the morgue, Liza intends to continue with her plans to re-open this old hotel.
Being a Lucio Fulci movie, your gory expectations shall be kindly met. We enjoy graphic eye-gauging, chunky gore-spewing corpses, yet more frothy face-melting, the most brutal tarantula attack ever, grimy groaty pus-covered muck faces, a viciously messy throat-ripping dog bite, a head-exploding gunshot wounds, and then there’s the deceased plumber’s daughter. After seeing her mother melted down into a fizzy puddle, the young daughter of the molten woman in the morgue—perhaps a supernatural madness afflicted by what she had witnessed—also develops harrowingly white blind eyes just like Emily’s.
The tarantula scene is comically long, and imbues these spiders with supernatural brutality. They bite and tear away flesh after swarming a body like a school of slow-motion piranhas. They even bite his eyeball! Lot of eye trauma in this movie, by the way. Like three different scenes! Ever since Zombie (1979) Fulci has had a thing for that. Not complaining, though. I love me some graphic corneal trauma. And especially silly is that some of the tarantulas are real whereas others in the background are clunky animatronics.
The story and delivery lack the synthesis of City or Cemetery. A lot of things happen and I’m left wondering the whys and hows. In comparing The Beyond and City of the Living Dead (1980), their basic plots are strikingly similar. The gates of Hell are opened via the death of a priest (or warlock). And while we’re on the topic of similarity, you may recognize many of the actors from City of the Living Dead (1980) or The House by the Cemetery (1981) in The Beyond. However, none of them are playing the same characters.
Whereas City ends with destroying the “head zombie” thwarting the apocalypse and Cemetery ends with slaying the death-defying evil doctor, this closes with evil winning out as our heroes wander through the infernal doorway in order to escape being besieged by zombies. Then it sort of just ends… and then they go blind with weird white eyes like Emily and the girl… with them presumably alone in a Hellscape.
This is the second film in Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy and a worthy education in early non-Romero zombie horror for any genre film fan. It has a decent premise (even if ill-realized in its storytelling compared to City and Cemetery), good pacing, and a satisfying diversity and abundance of special effects like the other two films of this trilogy. Highly recommended to fans of 80s horror and gorehounds, and it doesn’t particularly matter if you see these movies in order.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 465: The Black Phone, Ethan Hawke, and Joe Hill
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Mark and Chris Kelly (of the Classic American Movies podcast) discuss the 2022 horror film The Black Phone. Directed by Scott Derrickson, and starring Mason Thames, Madeleine McGraw, Ethan Hawke, and a few ghost kids, the movie focuses on what happens when an industrious kid is kidnapped by a buff Ethan Hawke. In this episode, they also talk about Joe Hill’s short story, killer masks, and the excellence of Gwen. Enjoy!
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John’s Horror Corner: Smile (2022), a very well-made, pleasant surprise rich in creepiness and fun startling jumpiness.
MY CALL: Very well-made, very well-produced, very entertaining, very creepy movie. It wasn’t riveting or wowing. But it is a solid popcorn horror good for jumps, atmosphere, creep factor and gore. MORE MOVIES LIKE Smile: Lights Out (2016) is another highly satisfying, very jumpy and creepy, well-executed popcorn horror.
After witnessing the death of our first victim (Caitlin Stasey; All Cheerleaders Die) I am awash with awkward tension. A woman with an almost too big of a smile lacerates her face and throat, never breaking her intense smiling gaze while bleeding a river down her chest. Scenes like this are not rare in horror. But with the excellent performances of the entire cast, on-point editing and solid direction, the execution is what makes it so strong. And there’s a great strength of this horror film, it’s very well-produced and intuitively executed. Everything makes for an unnervingly creepy atmosphere, and I enjoy basking in it, awaiting my next startle.
After witnessing this suicide in the middle of an emergency psychiatric assessment, Dr. Rose Cotter (Sosie Bacon; 13 Reasons Why) is haunted by exaggerated sinister smiles that gradually drive her insane. But as she clings to her remaining sanity, she must learn the reason and pattern behind the suicide she witnessed so that she can escape the same macabrely grinning fate. All the while her boss (Kal Penn; American Horror Story) and husband (Jessie T. Usher; The Boys) offer no aid or understanding of her unique malady, so she reluctantly accepts the help of her detective ex-boyfriend (Kyle Gallner; The Cleansing Hour, The Cleanse, Jennifer’s Body).
What unravels is a pattern of death much like The Ring (2002), One Missed Call (2008) or It Follows (2015). The polymorphism of our evil entity harkens of It Follows (2015), whereas its appearance is unmistakably similar to the demonic possessions in Truth or Dare (2018). And while nothing about this film feels unique, creative or especially different, it’s just made so well! And therein is what makes it feel fresh to the genre.
The visuals are effective. We enjoy one of the most mangled faces since that first victim in The Ring (2002), one of the most pendular neck swings since Terrified (2017), a gangly-limbed horror, an outstanding and gory face peeling scene, and a variety of other shocking imagery. The gore is just frequent enough, and the gaps therebetween are compensated by tactful, well-executed jump scares after slow builds in tension.
Writer and director Parker Finn’s first feature film is a creepy, jumpy success, whose greatest strength is execution. I was quite entertained by this very well-made, very well-produced, very creepy movie. It wasn’t riveting or wowing. But it is a solid popcorn horror good for jumps, atmosphere, creep factor and gore. More importantly, I can’t wait to see what Parker Finn does next!
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 464: Troll (2022), Monster Movies, and Large Rocks
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Mark and Zanandi (@ZaNandi on Twitter) discuss the 2022 creature feature Troll. Directed by Roar Uthaug, and starring Ine Marie Wilmann, Mads Sjøgård Pettersen, Kim Falck, and a gigantic troll, the movie focuses on what happens when an ancient monster starts strolling across Norway. In this episode, they also talk about troll movies, likable monsters, and church bells. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
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Movies, Films & Flix 