MY CALL: I mean, if you love low budget 80s monster movies (and don’t mind some very hokey writing) then you’ll probably like this. This is 80s B-movie fun at its best. MORE MOVIES LIKE Basket Case: If you enjoyed this, you need to see the 1990 sequel and, perhaps, Frank Henenlotter’s other films (Frankenhooker, Brain Damage).
Duane and his formerly conjoined twin brother Belial have a special bond. Ever-toting around a locked wicker basket that draws many curious questions, Duane (Kevin Van Hentenryck; Basket Case 2-3, Brain Damage) carries his disfigured mutant twin brother around New York seeking revenge against the doctors responsible for separating them against their will.
Our first sight of Belial features the monstrosity hanging on the wall waiting to ambush his victim by grabbing his face with his big monstrous clawed hand. He’s a wonderfully fiendish mongoloid, but still, he has a sincere connection with his twin brother.
This film had a very low budget, and the sets are obviously meager. But fret not. For almost every dollar of this budget clearly went to latex lacerations in flesh, buckets of blood, and Belial’s latex creature effects. The monster is essentially a neckless head with black eyes on a squat torso with two asymmetrical beastly limbs. While a bit clunky in execution, I enjoyed the stop-motion of Belial trashing an apartment. Most of the time, Belial was presented as a latex puppet. For those who like it when things get weird, there’s a rather disturbing “sex” scene.
Writer and director Frank Henenlotter (Frankenhooker, Brain Damage) goes to great lengths to illustrate Duane’s history and connection with Belial with lengthy flashbacks. The surgery scene gore and sound editing was the best. And the visual of a screaming, bloody woman with five scalpels impaled in her face is a sight to behold.
The story crescendos to a violent, zany and somewhat shocking end that would seem to make a sequel an impossibility. Somewhat cruel, somewhat realistic (given the outlandish premise). I really enjoyed this low budget, gory classic. Despite its very low budget and clumsy production, it remains quite entertaining.
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John’s Horror Corner: Witch’s Brew (2011), death by craft beer… and death by bad movie.
MY CALL: I really wanted to like this movie. I wanted something deliciously bad. But for my taste, this is simply too stupid and poorly made for my giggles to outweigh my impatience. MORE MOVIES LIKE Witch’s Brew: For other (and actually good quality) movies about consuming deadly things, consider Street Trash (1987) and The Stuff (1985).
The set design, the adult movie/soap opera film quality, the writing, the acting… I’m but two minutes into this drivel and it’s already clearly awful. I’m reminded of my recent experience watching Tiki (2006). But much like Tiki (2006), this movie also promises some fun to be had. For within the first four minutes a young boy who wronged a witch is caught by her coven and hexed to suffer instant blistering boils and cysts, pulsating as his face squirts and crusts over into puffy burn-like latex work. The budget is clearly micro, but this movie sure is trying hard and I’d be lying if I didn’t crack a smile at this. Unfortunately, this would turn out to be the high point of the entire movie.
When two microbrewers on a beer delivery—Preston (Gary-Kayi Fletcher) and his annoyingly superstitious partner Jeff (Chris Magorian)—run over a black cat, they visit the owner to apologize. Distraught with the death of her cat, the witch owner literally curses their beer.
The cat roadkill scene is hilariously bad; like, top tier B-movie low budget bad. And it turns out, the cat was actually a transformed witch from a coven (incl. Lauren Lakis; Other Halves). The coven must now find a female sacrifice to transfer the witch’s soul and rejoin them.
Meanwhile, Preston and Jeff hit the town selling their cursed lager. Here’s where this movie becomes a poor man’s Street Trash (1987). Everyone who drinks it suffers a stupid, bloody death of sorts. A man in a wheelchair is kicked to death by his paralyzed legs (I giggled, but it’s mind-numbingly stupid), the liquor store owner craps out his own bloody intestines, there’s an aging uglification, a bloody on-screen castration… other deaths are annoyingly dumb and goreless. Just in case any of these deaths sound cool, be warned that they’re really not when viewed on-screen. Maybe some are momentarily amusing, but literally only for a moment, if at all. This movie also boasts the worst looking werewolf I can recall ever seeing—really, the worst. The highlight and weirdest visual of all is the sex scene, which featured some bizarre food-related imagery.
I’ve seen a lot of REALLY bad movies. But this wanders into a territory I like to call aggravatingly bad. I’m sure someone out there will revel in its badness. But this strikes me as several tiers below the movies we conventionally call B-movies or “so good they’re bad.” Its budget is far lower, the writing and acting are far worse, and there is little satisfying to be found.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 423: Walking Tall, Remakes, and Dwayne Johnson
You can download or stream the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker (or wherever you listen to podcasts…..we’re almost everywhere).
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Mark, Phil and Adam (of the GoFigure YouTube show) discuss the 2004 film Walking Tall. Directed by Kevin Bray, and starring Dwayne Johnson, Johnny Knoxville, Neal McDonough and a large piece of wood, the movie focuses on what happens when some jabronis mess with Dwayne Johnson. In this episode, they talk about healing powers, remakes, and breakfast.
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
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Petite Maman (2021) – Review – A Delightful and Absorbing Fantasy by Director Céline Sciamma
Quick thoughts – Grade – A – Petite Maman is an absolute delight that is filled with warmth, charm and excellent performances. It was one of my favorite 2021 films and I hope people go see when it hits theaters. Director Céline Sciamma (Portrait of a Lady on Fire) has been on a tear lately, and she’s working on all cylinders here.
What I love most about Petite Maman is how Sciamma wants you to absorb the onscreen emotions, and she rarely ever telegraphes or holds your hand through the brisk 72-minute running time. She lets the scenes play out in long takes that features interogations, pancake making, and a wonderful moment involving snack food and a juice box. The fantasy is never explained, and it doesn’t need to be because that’s not the point. The point of the film is to explore grief, loss, and childhood illness through the eyes of two precocious children.
Petit Maman focuses on an eight-year old named Nelly (Joséphine Sanz) who travels with her father (Stéphane Varupenne) and mother (Nina Meurisse) to clean out the home of her recently deceased grandmother. During some downtime she starts exploring the nearby forest and she meets Marion (Gabrielle Sanz) a girl who is similar in age and happens to be building a makeshift fort in the woods. After a few minutes of fort construction it starts to rain, so Marion takes Nelly back to her house, which happens to be the same exact house that Nelly was just cleaning out. After a brief tour to make sure the house is exactly the same and the secret doors are where they should be, Nelly learns that Marion is her mother and she has entered into another timeline where she and her mom are the same age. It’s magical realism at its finest and it’s neat to know that Sciamma drew from Miyazaki, Back to the Future, and Big for inspiration. Also, it was very refreshing to see this world from the viewpoint of Nelly, a wildly inquisitive child, who when adults don’t want to explain something to her because it’s “child’s stuff,” she responds with “I’m interested. I’m a child.”
Sciamma made this film during the pandemic, and it never feels like a movie filmed during a pandemic. Sure, the settings are isolated and the cast is small, but the movie has a universal feeling that doesn’t feel constrictive. Instead, the isolation and small cast draw you in because there isn’t much to distract you or pull you out of the experience. Sciamma purposefully didn’t rehearse the scenes with her young actors and that decision paid off because the performances of the two actors (who are sisters) feels natural and are a big part of why the experience is so successful. When the movie ends (with a hug) it’s almost disappointing because it means you have to leave a world you like, and that is a rare feeling. Very rarely do I find myself totally absorbed in a movie, and off the top off my head only Take Shelter, The Truman Show, The New World, Murderball and Portrait of a Lady on Fire come to mind.
Another positive about Petit Maman is that it reunites Sciamma with recent Academy Award nominee Claire Mathon (Spencer, Atlantics, Portrait of a Lady on Fire). Mathon is an excellent cinematographer and in this movie she makes sure that the focus is on the characters, but she still finds ways to make hallways, fallen leaves, and wood piles look appealing while never losing focus on the performances. The movie is shot very intimately, and that makes sense considering the material is so intimate.
Final thoughts – Watch this movie.
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John’s Horror Corner: Sator (2019), an atmospheric wilderness horror that cusps on a Wendigo film.
MY CALL: Style over substance, for sure, as not much is offered in terms of meaning, cause or explanation of any sort. The atmosphere is creepy, truly mystifying and ever-intriguing. The lack of anything else often feels sluggish as we eagerly await some form of result or action, but to little satisfaction. Hard to recommend, but I wouldn’t necessarily warn one away. MORE MOVIES LIKE Sator: For more mystifying wilderness horror, consider Black Mountain Side (2014) or The Last Winter (2006).
So let’s talk about atmosphere. Director and writer Jordan Graham’s (Specter) cold opening scenes feel like a toned down Hereditary (2018) finale remade through the eyes of Robert Eggers (The Witch). The tone is laid down thick and creepy, steeped in “WTF is going on here?”
Wandering the wet woods at dusk, Adam (Gabriel Nicholson; Specter) and his dog hunt, doing the rounds tending to DeerCams. Adam’s life is simple, Spartan for our time. He drinks from a jar, sitting down to his laptop beside a lantern at a desk that could easily have looked just the same 100 years ago, less the computer which he only uses for monitoring his DeerCams. Adam lives much as those who wish to be forgotten.
Despite his local brother and grandmother, Adam is an antisocial hermit haunted by his grandmother’s family legacy of a connection of sorts to a spirit of the forest: Sator. Adam has inherited this link to Sator’s whispers and influence. Throughout the film, we watch him struggle to maintain his grasp on sanity as the whispers from Sator become actions and real-world manifestations, if not only in Adam’s mind.
Sator feels very much like a softer-handed Wendigo story, perhaps without being a Wendigo movie at all. For much of the running time, this film is simultaneously boring and intriguing; very little happens, but you ever wonder what’s going to happen. I suppose this is a success on the part of the atmosphere. Still, I am left wanting for so much more.
Not that I disliked this film, but I never found any escape or clarity of my feelings of “WTF is going on here?” Sometimes, that works for a movie. In this case, I think far too little was offered under the guise of crafty mystique. The ending was shocking and intense, but like the rest of the film, much was left to be desired. Still, this film is… something. Never riveting, often boring, yet always intriguing.
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MY CALL: There should be a subgenre called “WTF horror” for bad movies like this that don’t make any sense. That said, it was more entertaining than I expected… but for gleefully dumb reasons. Yeah, it’s that kind of bad movie. MORE MOVIES LIKE Nightmare Weekend: If you like horror movies with inexplicable plots and seemingly random means of death, then try these “WTF horror” movies: Ghosthouse (1988), Superstition (1982), Witchery (1988), Hellgate (1990), Nightwish (1990), The Outing (1987)… I could go on.
So this is an 80s horror I’ve never heard of, by a director (Henri Sala) who has done seemingly only foreign erotic films, starring no one I’ve ever heard of (incl. Andrea Thompson, Karen Mayo-Chandler) who mostly have only ever acted in this movie, and it was picked up by Troma. So… I’m not expecting much, unless we’re talking about breastly expectations and some low budget splatter gore.
So in the opening scene a presumably villainous woman (Debbie Laster; Bad Girls Dormitory) is directing two guys that seem to be hijacking satellites while a “living” hand puppet—yes, like an actual puppet that is being treated as any other live action character in this movie—somehow remotely transforms one guy’s necklace into a floating silver murderball a la Phantasm (1979) which then attacks and gorily dislodges the guy’s now dangling eyeball and tears most of the flesh from his face. This sentence likely informs you of everything you need to know about this movie. For me, this is delightful! But fair warning, this movie may have peaked early.
There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense in this movie, and the animated hand puppet (which goes completely unexplained) is just the start. The computer the puppet uses to create, activate and control floating silver murderballs is also apparently a videogame console that a teen girl uses to play games that affect other people in reality (and the teenager is aware of this). And the puppet literally gives its teen owner life advice! You know, like about cute boys and crushes.
A group of college students sign up for a weekend of relaxation to be test subjects in some sort of paid experiment. They basically just have drinks, have sex, and hang out by the pool… the experiment isn’t explained very well. There’s a lot of nudity and numerous sex scenes, and it’s generally just there. Most of the time victims having sex creates vulnerability and opportunity for a killer. Nope, not here. Boobs abound simply because that’s what this director knows and likes. To the critical eye, this movie makes “gratuitous nudity” in other horror movies appear substantial and integral to the plot.
So the aforementioned super-computer, which is apparently what is being “tested” in this experiment, sends a signal that transmutes everyday objects into silver murderballs which have a propensity to fly into people’s mouths and either kill them or possess them. Sure… makes sense… No wait—none of this makes sense. Not even a little. Another Phantasm ball flies and ruptures a guy’s neck. I have no idea how these balls work. Commands are entered into a computer and what ensues looks more like magic.
I guess this movie is doing its best. It’s occasionally entertaining in terms of gore, equally boring for the majority of scenes, and sometimes simply ridiculous. This one shot of a guy dancing alone to music on his Walkman is actually weirdly entertaining.
As if this film was ever going well, the last 15 minutes degenerate into a lame murder zombie finale complete with horrid zombie make-up, green slimy drool, and random amok stabbery. No clue why they all became zombies. I guess that’s all a part of the mystique of the computer-generated murderballs.
I didn’t hate this, but it’s obviously something I’m not watching again nor would I recommend this. The greatest fun in this movie is for the fan of bad 80s horror who delights upon discovering a movie not yet seen that now must be seen.
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John’s Horror Corner: The Cellar (2022), an uneventful, unengaging movie about a monster in the basement… sort of… but not really.
MY CALL: This movie borrows the most interesting elements of Thirteen Ghosts (2001) and Poltergeist (1982) and squanders it all in this slow-paced, generally uninteresting, scareless and pointless film. Still, it’s sort of well made despite that. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Cellar: Perhaps Darkness (2002) and The Messengers (2007). But if you want a much better movie about a basement monster, go for the cheesetastic Cellar Dweller (1988).
Starting their new life, Keira (Elisha Cuthbert; House of Wax, Captivity) and Brian (Eoin Macken; Till Death, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, The Forest, The Hole in the Ground) move into a grand manor in need of some care. Less excited about the change is their teen daughter Ellie (Abby Fitz), who has a rattling scare when she is accidently locked in the basement for a few minutes.
This film opens with a well-made, very early 2000s vibe. I’m reminded of movies like Darkness (2002) and The Messengers (2007)—but it’s probably just the family with a teenage girl and a younger child moving into a secluded, old manor with creepy connections that’s conjuring this oddly specific feeling. Still, it seems that director and writer Brendan Muldowney (Pilgrimage) is leading us into familiar territory.
During their very first night in the house, Ellie is left at home alone to watch her younger brother when a power outage prompts her to brave the basement to check the fuses. When Keira and Brian get home, Ellie is nowhere to be found! Since the police prove to be no help in the disappearance of Ellie, Keira starts to dig on her own and discovers alchemical words, symbols and equations etched throughout the house.
By the halfway point I’m not uninterested, but this movie proceeds at a slow pace, and not in the high intrigue slowburn way. After the first couple creepy basement scenes, the creepiness has lost its magic and, frankly, I’m just waiting for something to finally happen yet the next time someone is locked in the basement. But, oh joy, it gets bad and I become yet less interested.
We meet an elderly woman with information regarding the house’s dark history, some internet searches lead to the demon Baphomet, the movie tries and fails to make “counting out loud” dreadful, we have a glimpse into some horrible underworld, the demon prince Baphomet is thwarted by whacking his claws with a flashlight… and I just don’t care about any of it.
So if you want scares… none really. Gore? Also zero. Creature effects? Well, the demon prince Baphomet looks like a passably low budget werewolf costume; so also no. Sorry, but this movie offers little more than a reminder that Elisha Cuthbert still picks up a movie every now and then. And for what it’s worth, Cuthbert wasn’t bad. But the movie was.
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MY CALL: This Japanese B-movie is just passable until the utter madness of the final act, which makes the journey more worthwhile. I enjoyed this oddity which seemed to shift subgenres from a haunted house, to a haphazard slasher, and finally to supernatural evil monster baby shenanigans. MORE MOVIES LIKE Evil Dead Trap: For another Asian horror movie ending in utter gory madness, go for Seeding of a Ghost (1983).
When a late-night TV reporter receives a mysterious package with a snuff tape, she watches a horrific torture-murder transpire. Wanting to air the story on the news, Nami (Miyuki Ono; Black Rain) assembles a crew—Kondo (Masahiko Abe), Rei (Hitomi Kobayashi), Masako (Aya Katsuragi) and Rie (Eriko Nakagawa)—to visit the location on the tape to investigate whether or not it was real or a fake. But what’s most interesting about the tape is that it ends with an image of Nami!
Within the very first minutes, this film is pulling no punches and making every effort to shock and titillate our horrific senses. We see a blade penetrate flesh and slowly lacerate parting tissue as a bound victim thrashes in her bonds. Even more off-putting is the blade slowly piercing an eyeball, which spews its gelatinous contents. At this point, I thought we were in for something akin to Red Room (1999), 8mm (1999) or The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007). But it doesn’t maintain the meanness at such a level. At least, not until the very end scenes.
Upon arrival to the snuff tape site, a chaotically fast, shaky-cam POV of some thing or some force closes in on the abandoned factory. Like… in Evil Dead (1981)? Well as it turns out, that’s probably the only Evil Dead-ish thing to be found along with the misleading title.
Most of the scare gags are pretty basic. Gross-out bugs and maggots, a ‘surprise’ snake, a friend jumping out for a practical joke scare… but they merely warm us up for the revelations of mangled corpses, severed heads, and some sort of impaling floorboard booby trap (which was pretty cool btw) which sort of appeared very much like the “factory” attacking her. There are some brutal death traps, though nothing I’d call an “evil dead” trap.
The crew encounters a chained-up guy in a ball-gag at the mercy of a strange masked figure, a dapper fellow curiously wearing a business suit, and a murderous hobo who engages in sexual battery. Any one of them (or all of them) could be the behind the killing. Punctuating the unfolding of this mystery, director Toshiharu Ikeda (who has a strong background in erotic movies and cast adult film stars in this movie) goes with what he knows best and injects more nudity than feels appropriate. But don’t let that deter you. Despite these scenes, the movie stands well on its own as a quality zany B-movie.
I must say that over the course of the first 75 minutes of this movie I was mildly entertained, but never impressed. But during the final act, some things transpire that are gloriously gross including something of a combination birth-transformation scene. Yes, from a man’s chest bursts an organ slug that metamorphoses into a guts-covered demon baby with pyrokinetic/telekinetic powers that uses its projectile umbilical cord to strangle its victim! There’s even something of a horrific birth scene. Where was this for the first half of the movie?
The last 20 minutes were awesomely gory, zany, bonkers, gross-out fun. Wow. Shame the majority of the film was ‘just okay’ to ‘maybe’ good. But in those last 20 minutes this mutates into something disgusting, exploitative and utterly ridiculous. To be clear, I liked it. Sure, it starts slow. But it reaches full-tilt bonkers by the end and left me with a fond gruesome memory.
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John’s Horror Corner: Adam Chaplin (2011), an ultra-violent Italian action-horror in the insane spirit of Riki-Oh!
MY CALL: This wacky movie features exciting visuals sure to please the gorehounds out there, but I just don’t feel the slog between the action is worth it for some of you unless you’re thrilled by exploitative lunacy. This is LOADED with ridonkulous, extreme gory action. MORE MOVIES LIKE Adam Chaplin: For a solid double-feature, you can’t go wrong with Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki (1991). Taeter City (2012) and Little Necro Red (2019) are similarly ultra gory Italian horror-action films, Tokyo Shock productions from Asia, and for their German counterparts we have Olaf Ittenbach’s No Reason (2010) or The Burning Moon (1992), which are less about action and more about horror and grotesque torture.
After the torture and murder of his wife at the hands of a mutant Italian crime boss, Adam (Emanuele De Santi) sets out for revenge with something of a bath salt fever dream demon Muppet on his back whispering evils into his ear. Having made a deal with the forces of evil, Adam is nearly invincible and of Godly strength.
Think of some extremely violent, very bloody, high action R-rated Anime… and then make it live action. You’d probably think of Tokyo Gore Police (2008) or Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl (2009) or any of many Tokyo Shock productions. Now make it with an Italian guy (Director and writer Emanuele De Santi; Judy)… and you have Adam Chaplin.
This is a film that truly celebrates its gore in the spirit of Riki-Oh (1991). The imagery is absolutely grisly as faces collapse into punched-in skulls. I could just as readily describe this movie as the intersection of the utter madness of The Toxic Avenger (1984) and the dire vengeance The Crow (1994). Limbs are ripped off and blood geysers from their sockets, lower jaws are torn from skulls, heads are impaled with cleavers, a victim is split in two down the middle, and another gets “shafted” up his, well, rear shaft.
Not just in its violence, but this is even cruel on a casual level. A mutilated giant of man lectures a bound woman of her offenses before lighting her on fire, quite graphically I might add. Great care is given to showcasing her charred remains.
The film’s great downfall is that it takes itself and its script waaay too seriously. When it basks in its own violent absurdity, it thrives. When it focuses its lens on the investigation and motives of Adam, I flounder in insufferable boredom. And the boredom is not brief, but in long bounds.
So despite some exciting visuals sure to please the gorehounds out there, I just don’t feel this slog is worth it for some of you of aren’t thrilled by exploitative lunacy. Sure, the finale is LOADED with ridonkulous gory action. And I get a good guilty snicker out of it here and there as this guy’s head is fractioned by a punch, another is shot in half, and another suffers horrendous limb breaks or severances. Like so many other scenes in this movie, the final fight is absolutely an anime boss fight.
I think if this movie is for you, you ought to know it. Extreme gore is this film’s game.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast – Episode 422: Just Friends, Anna Faris, and Cookie Eating
You can download or stream the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker (or wherever you listen to podcasts…..we’re almost everywhere).
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Mark and Erik Hofmeyer discuss the 2005 cult classic Just Friends. Directed by Roger Kumble, and starring Ryan Reynolds, Amy Smart, Anna Faris and Julie Hagerty, the movie focuses on what happens when a famous pop star is kidnapped (many other things happen too). In this episode, they talk about Chris Klein, high school reunions, and physical comedy. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast, make sure to send in some random listener questions (we love random questions). We thank you for listening, and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
Movies, Films & Flix 