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Bad Movie Tuesday: Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid

July 19, 2011

One thing I never understand about these movies (Mega Piranha, Sharktopus, Mega Honey Badger vs. Mutated Sloth) is why the main characters are never put in jail for the rest of their lives. They mutate creatures and those creatures go on to kill hundreds of people.  They are responsible for the slaughter of animals and bad actors.

This movie is based on funky logic. However, this is the first film ever by the Asylum production crew that features an actual technical fact.

One bad acting cop tells another bad acting hunter (in a V neck)  that when they cut off a pythons head they need to scramble its brains. This is an actual fact that PETA and the law supports. My jaw dropped when I heard this. Things soon returned to normal and dumbness reigned supreme.

The plot  revolves around people doing dumb things with animals. The beginning features Tiffany (the world’s worst environmentalist) rescuing a python from a lab and releasing it into the wild. The problem is that pythons are not native to the Everglades so she is technically letting an invasive species lose to wreak havoc to a native population.

The pythons get bigger and bigger and start to eat alligators. This makes Deborah Gibson (the world’s worst park ranger)  angry so she feeds super steroids to the gators (gatoroid YEESH) The gators get bigger and faster than you can say “horrible CGI” the creatures are battling it out.

The big selling point of this film is the fight that Gibson and Tiffany engage in.  The two middle-aged women throw each other over tables and smear each other with cake. I understand the camp aspects but the fight depressed me. I felt bad for the ladies. Watch for yourself.

Eventually, the creatures make it Miami. One large python bites a blimp and it flies off in the air with the python attached. Another Snake swallows a train. Eventually, they are all lead back to the Everglades via pheromones. They are all blown up and Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are eaten by the large creatures.

When viewing this don’t attempt to focus all your attention on it. Watch it while vacuuming or working on something productive.

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