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Bad Movie Tuesday: Something Borrowed

August 30, 2011

When this film hit the theaters critics dogpiled heaps on negativity upon it. They went above and beyond dislike and they entered into hateful. I can imagine three hundreds critics running out of the theater after watching this and just tearing up the streets.

The reviews went something like this:

This movie made me so angry I punched an old lady in the face.”

I hated Kate Hudson so much that I flew to a far away island. Learned how to make a voodoo doll and plan on using it to inflict pain on her.”

If this movie was a catastrophe I would compare it to The Hindenburg blowing up and landing on a nuclear power plant that is located next to a major metropolis.”

These are not real reviews but you get the idea. When I hear a movie getting universally panned it makes me want to watch it. I want to know why it is so bad. I’m like a modern-day Sherlock Holmes. I investigate bad films and find clues as to why movie critics would rise so violently against them.

What I discovered is that the main characters in this film are some of the biggest turds (technical term) we’ve witnessed in a while. They are these weak little people who are too afraid to speak their mind. You are supposed to like the main characters in movies. However, this film goes out of its way to make you not like anybody. In its attempt to be new and unpredictable it shot itself in the foot. This leads me to believe the culprits were the writer in front of the computer and the director on set.

The plot goes like this. Ginnifer Goodwin loves a guy, she is too afraid to tell him so Kate Hudson starts dating him. Kate and the dude get engaged. The dude and Gennifer hook up one night. They are too afraid to tell Kate because she runs all over them. The dude and Ginnifer keep dating, He doesn’t leave Kate. He makes a speech and Ginnifer turns him down. Ginnifer makes a speech in the rain and he turns her down. John Krasinski makes a speech and it blows up in his face, Then it ends and everyone is like “huh?”

I’ve come to the conclusion that the director and writer disliked all the actors so he planned to hurt their careers by making them look bad through the movie.

The critics absolutely despised Kate Hudson’s  character. However, the wimpy characters allowed her to treat them terribly. They let Kate get what she wants. The odd thing is that Kate Hudson makes this big speech that could have possibly redeemed her but then she does something so bad you wonder why they tried to make you like her. She is what she is in this film. I guess she is the bad guy because she has a spine…..a jerky spine albeit.

Everyone in this film makes big speeches. The problem is what happens after the speeches.  They get these triumphant moments and BAM something terrible happens. It is actually funny. I get this visual of  after a character makes a speech somebody runs up and antiques them (smooshes flour in their face).

The worst part of this film is what they do to the best character. John Krasinski is the voice of reason in this film. He makes fun of everybody and the movie isn’t so bad when he is around. However, towards the end he delivers a monologue that makes him a turd (technical term) as well. The director wrecks all the good will and makes his character just another one of the wimps. It is incredibly devious. I remember after the speech and following moments my girlfriend said “oh geesh.”

Oh geesh is right. Be wary of the antiquing!

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