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Bad Movie Tuesday: Last Night

October 4, 2011

This film was originally entitled “Good looking people looking depressed and Cheating on Each Other.”


I’ve decided to tackle an issue that has not been explored on Bad Movie Tuesday. This issue is worse than bad acting, bad CGI and incoherent plots. The issue  is unhappy good-looking rich people. These rich people have been plaguing our cinemas for too long under the guise of good cinema.  People tend to think they are watching a good film when a somber score plays while pretty people pout. The populace’s eyes need to be opened!

When people made a big deal about the film Closer I wondered what all the praise was for. Sure the acting was good but when you break the film down it is about four rich bitter good-looking people who lie, cheat and lie? The people are miserable little punks who complain a lot. You are spending money to watch people be selfish.

Here is a breakdown of Last Night. An attractive/rich/skinny/well-groomed married couple flirts with adultery. The odd thing is that from the beginning they are fighting and distant. You never get a chance to like them. I don’t even remember their names. It is 90 minutes of nondescript people talking about how unhappy they are. Also, I think they broke the world record for most pouty looks in a film.

If Dolph Lundgren was in this movie it would involve him playing duel twin roles and sleeping with the two twenty year old wives and six mistresses  while they rescued the world. There would be no pouting…Not because of the script, I’m certain Dolph can’t physically pout.  If Stephen Baldwin was in this film it would feature funny and uncomfortable scenes of him being flirtatious.

I’m gonna compare the film Last Night to sunflower seeds. Sunflower seeds sound healthy but they are loaded with sodium. Thus, they are deceptively unhealthy. Plus, they can get stuck in the back of your mouth and annoy you. Last Night looks good but it is all empty annoying calories.

If they decide to be faithful do they get a medal? Should you cheer because they didn’t cheat? What is the over/under on Sam Worthington cheating? I’m thinking -350…However, Knightley’s French ex could be the wildcard.

The biggest thing I don’t understand is who was the target audience for this film? It is not a date flick. It is not a sci-fi flick, it isn’t foreign, it doesn’t start with adultery and end with giant robots. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I love movies focusing on relationship troubles. 500 Days of Summer, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, All the Real Girls, The Zoo Keeper and Deuce Bigelow Male Gigolo. However, watching two people be selfish for 90 minutes is not my idea of a fun night.

So, the next time you see an ad for a film like this. Stay away! Don’t be fooled.

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