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Bad Movie Tuesday: Faces in the Crowd

December 20, 2011

Or as it is called in Latvia: Would have gone to Lifetime had it not been for the occasional throat slitting.

This movie is the brain child of Julien Magnat. He produced, wrote, directed and acted in this film. I’m only going to give him credit for producing it. The fact that he got a movie about “face blindness” made is impressive.  What is more impressive is that he named the killer Tearjerk Jack. The dude must talk a good game because the movie is painful.

Here is what happens:

A serial killer named Tearjerk Jack attacks Milla Jovovich and throws her off a bridge. What kind of injuries did she sustain post bellyflop? Broken Leg? Concusion? Shattered clavicle?

Milla Jovovich is diagnosed with “face blindness.” She cannot recognize faces. Which is bad because she can’t remember what Tearjerk looked like. This angers a local detective played by Jullian McMahon (Nip/Tuck, Fantastic Four). McMahon sports the worst facial hair/wig I’ve ever witnessed on-screen. He also swears a lot.

This is one of those movies where Milla ALWAYS runs away from people and into the darkest/dankest area. She also finds herself in clubs with strobe lights, dark train cars and empty alleys. This film also features the first ever scene where a woman is running from a killer and she finds herself amidst hundreds of roller bladers. It was a strange decision to have the lead character fight her way through roller blading extras.

Surrounding  Jovovich are her two friends who constantly drink. They are also  annoyed because she cannot remember their faces. Here is a women that was terrorized by a serial killer and her friends are annoyed that she has “face blindness.” In fact, everybody is annoyed by her condition. Her boyfriend dumps her, her friends complain and the detective is always yelling at her………They are probably the worst people ever.

This movie got me thinking about other films that Magnat could produce that involve odd health issues. I asked some friends and cowriter John to help me out.

1. Car Pool Tunnel – The movie centers around a woman who has a fear of tunnels. One day her Car Pool breaks down in an abandoned tunnel. The people start dying because one of them is a serial killer….or is she a paranoid schizophrenic?

2. The Blurred Picture Conundrum – A cross-eyed woman looks into one of those pictures where you have to look at it cross-eyed . Within the picture she sees her future. A serial killer will attack her……or was it just a boat?

3. Punch Drunk– A female boxer who has suffered too many concussions begins gettng strange phone calls from a serial killer. Are the phone calls really from the killer or is she just getting butt dialed from somebody with a unlisted number?

4. Writer’s block – A female novelists  hands literary get turned into blocks. Or is she just lying because she is lazy and doesn’t want to write.

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