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Bad Movie Tuesday: I Melt With You

May 8, 2012

I Melt With You is about four men who cry, drink, drug, mope and mug their way through two hours of attempted pretentious art. What makes this movie bad is how serious it is. I’m predicting the ambitious director pitched it as Tree of Life meets Hangover meets every kinetic music video ever spewed on-screen.

I think the point that the director and writer were trying to get across is “words are weapons.” Thomas Jane says this when he is teaching his uninspired English class. So, the man who wrote this thinks his dialogue is so good they can be used as weapons. Little did he know his arrogance would bring doom in the shape of a portly fire fighter/MMA fighter from Chicago

I know why this movie went wrong. I call it supreme confidence. The creators were so confident that left themselves open to the “Hammerfist of Doom.” What is the HOD?  A couple of years ago Dolph Lundgren Look-a-like Todd Duffee was fighting a portly fellow named Mike Russow. Both of these guys were undefeated in the UFC (Russow still is) and they squared off in the octagon. Duffee was absolutely battering Russow until he got too confident and met the HOD. Check out the clip.

An interesting and foreshadowing fact is the tagline for IMWY:

“When Life Hammers You. Get Smashed.”

I Melt With You thought it was Todd Duffee. Strong, fast and undefeated. However, it got too confident and was crushed under its own weight. Not only does Duffee have to endure the video of the HOD but now the actors have to live with the hilarious clips that will pop up on YouTube.  When Mike Russow hammerfists you… go straight to DVD.

Another interesting fact is that Todd Duffee starred in a DTDVD film called Never Back Down 2 after this fight. The Hammerfist is a powerful weapon.

The HOD was inevitable. Look at these self-important pictures of four men who meet every year to reminisce about college and you will understand.

I Melt With You is so depressingly serious that it becomes hilarious. The movie deserves to get critically pummeled because it thought it was high art. These guys swung for the fences….missed widely……then got knocked out by a portly fellow. If you live by the sword you die by the Hammerfist.

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