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Bad Movie Tuesday: One in the Chamber

August 28, 2012

After years of watching DTDVD Dolph Lundgren films I’ve finally figured out how to survive them. The key is to fast forward until he is on screen. The reason for this is because it will keep you sane and answer all the questions that this Blu ray cover ask. For example, why is Dolph wearing an Hawaiian shirt and tiny hat? If the killers are so elite why would they need so many bullets? Who is Cuba Gooding Jr. looking at?  Does One in the Chamber sound like a Seether or Nickelback song?

Dolph has the movie industry figured out. He was obviously paid a bunch of money to show up for a few days, bust some heads and write his own dialogue. It seems like they caught him before or after an island vacation and he brought his own clothes.

Lundgren’s fight choreography is limited as well. The Russians run at Dolph and he elbows, punches and front kicks them while not moving at all. Even when Dolph shoots guns he stands in one place and wipes out everybody. It seems like Dolph got the greatest role ever. I’ve discussed his genius decisions in the past. For instance, in the Dolph directed film Command Performance he rides motorcycles, plays the drums and is a chick magnet. When he figured out he would not be in the A-list he decided that he would make the B,C and D lists comfortable.

I guess I should talk about the plot of this film. Cuba Gooding Jr. wears a stylish hoodie and kills some Russians. The Russians bring in Dolph to hunt CGJ. Dolph and Cuba fight then Dolph kills some Russians. Cuba wears a stylish V-neck and Dolph wears another fancy hat. Eventually, Dolph ends up shirtless and kills five Russians then calls the dead men “Amateurs.” The film ends by suggesting a sequel where Cuba and Dolph team up to rob from the rich.

Here are the highlights:

1. Dolph headbutts a guy in the face for not knowing who he is.

2. Dolph plays a Russian who speaks with a Russian accent 10% of the time and Dolph voice the other 90%.

3. Lundgren proudly declares “I don’t think. I do. If you pay me enough I will kill almost anything that breathes.”

4. Dolph kicks Cuba out of a window then when they meet again this dialogue happens:

Dolph: I threw you out of a window.

CGJ: I bounce real good.

One in the Chamber is worth the watch if you are a Dolph fan. If not I’m sorry you had to read this review. However, if you are ever forced to watch a Dolph film you will know what to do. Also, If you do happen to come across a Dolph fan tell them about this review. Let them know that we are the number one source of bad Dolph Lundgren films.

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