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The Plot of Parker Explained by Pictures

January 24, 2013

Hello all. Mark here.

Jason Statham is back in the predictably titled film Parker. It looks like  he wears hats, kicks butt and woos Jennifer Lopez. Some new promotional photos were released and I feel like they unintentionally provided the narrative of the film.

The poster introduces us to a suit wearing, shotgun holding, strategically bearded Statham. I am just guessing but I don’t think he had Jennifer Lopez’s face screen printed onto his suit. My guess is that she is able to get inside his heart and turn that frown upside down.

The poster suggests that the two of them will get dirty (metaphorically, physiologically and physically) in their attempt to steal money and thwart various character actors.

Parker movie poster


Here are the photos and my completely unresearched expert analysis.

Statham is reeling from the lost of something so he wears a dorky hat to suggest he is an every man like he did in his prior film Safe

Parker Jason Statham truck hat


Something happens and before you can say “Armani” he is back in a tailored suit that NPH would be jealous of.

Parker Jason gun


Nick Nolte warbles something. He should have won the Oscar for Warrior.

Parker Nick Nolte


He gets himself embroiled in a huge heist story line and he uses his superior “Stath” techniques to disguise himself.

Sidenote: All the disguises are tailored.

Parker Jason Statham cowboy hat

Parker Statham priest outfit


He meets a sultry Jennifer Lopez who is looking to recreate her Out of Sight heat. Which is good idea because she was really good in Out of Sight

Parker Jennifer Lopez looks like Eva Mendes


A crew of fantastic character actors are introduced as the villains. Any crew with Bunk from The Wire and Clifton Collins Jr. is cool. I kinda hope they win.

Parker bad guys


Guns get pointed at people. Fortunes change hands, multiple high kicks connect with jaws, snitches get stitches and twists occur.

Parker Random bad guy gunParker Jennifer Lopez gun


Statham unleashes the “Stath” on Lopez (Insert Anaconda, Snatch and Money Train jokes here)

Parker Jennifer Lopez swimsuit


Statham thinking moment number 6 (should he stay? Should he go? Should he do another Transporter?)

Parker miami Jason hat


Statham gets back in his tailored suit and kills all the bad guys.

Parker Jason gun


There you have it! Parker told in pictures. Have I watched the trailer? No. Have I read a synopsis? No. Have I watched every Statham movie and feel like I know where all of his movies are heading? Yes.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. David permalink
    January 24, 2013 9:39 am

    From the trailer it sounds like a remake of Lee Marvin’s “Point Blank” which was remade by Mel Gibson called “Payback.” (Interesting that they never mentioned J Lo in any of the trailers!) Yeah I’ll wait for “Transporter 5″…or is it 6?

  2. johnleavengood permalink
    January 24, 2013 6:36 pm

    J-lo got a solid upgrade from Money Train’s balding-mulleted Woody Harrelson.


  1. Bad Movie Tuesday: Mechanic: Resurrection (2016), perhaps the campiest (yet still awesomely fun) action movie Jason Statham has ever done. | Movies, Films & Flix

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