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Bad Movie Tuesday: Mechanic: Resurrection (2016), perhaps the campiest (yet still awesomely fun) action movie Jason Statham has ever done.

August 30, 2016

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MY CALL:  This sequel (to Jason Statham’s 2011 remake of the 1972 Charles Bronson classic) is extremely entertaining…and extremely campy.  Expect top tier stunts, but the dregs of writing.  MOVIES LIKE Mechanic: Resurrection:  I thought The Mechanic (2011) was FAR better (and, in fact, “good”), so I’d start there.  But, to be fair, Mark didn’t love it nearly as much as I did (Mark’s Review CLICK HERE).

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This film answers the question on everyone’s mind.
EVERYONE: “Does Statham still look like this?”
THIS MOVIE: “Affirmative!”

We have to start with the writing!  The writing was soooo awful.  This is like 80s action movie awful when Stallone or Schwarzenegger would get a phone call, light a cigar and, the next thing we know, BOOM: they’re in Prague or somewhere else in Eastern Europe killing bad guys by the dozen standing out in the open, raining jingling automatic weapon ammunition to the ground in slow motion while not one of their 86 Communist assailants can aim a gun at a shirtless patriot whose glistening muscles practically make them a glowing target.

But you know what?  JASON STATHAM!  That’s why we’re here isn’t it?  The truth is… we just don’t care.  If you asked anyone waiting in line to buy their movie tickets if they thought the writing would be good, the dialogue convincing or the plot points sound—no one would nod “yes.”  They’d silently pause, look at their date with a smile and make that “pshhht” sound.

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And Jason doesn’t care either. Look how happy he was in this interview as he laughed answering the question “Why do you think people like seeing you kick bad guys’ butts?”
He knew this wouldn’t be an Oscar contender.
No. This one’s for the bros! 🙂

As it turns out, founder of Movies, Films and Flix, film data analyst and Bad Movie Tuesday expert (Mark) wrote a Movienomics article that accurately predicted 18 months ago that this sequel would suck.  The data suggests his apparelread to learn why.

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However, with this alternate poster, the audience scores might increase.

The opening fight sequence features Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham; Spy, Homefront, Safe, Parker) executing some of the most perfect Matrix-like martial arts ever to cheese up the screen.  His character is every bit as perfect as Statham’s ego is tremendous–very much like his roles in The Transport series (2002, 2005, 2008), Furious 7 (2015) and The Expendables movies (2010, 2012, 2014).

Bishop always knows what to do, his kicks and bullets never miss, their bullets always miss, he always has exactly what he needs or can find it unreasonably fast, and everything works out to plan against astronomically improbably odds…and also with such “yadda yadda” writing that he just seems to teleport across the globe and have the entirety of the knowledge of the world uploaded into his brain for ease of assassination planning.  Bishop is basically the smartest man alive—but he grunts like Jason Statham.

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Admittedly, I loved this scene.
He must’ve scienced the shit outta that.

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Jessica Alba (Little Fockers, Stretch) has been cast as his completely unconvincing love interest.  Their “sex scene” is innocently clothes-on and uncharacteristically giggly for our gruff hero, she reprises her underwater naughty bikini butt-cam shots from Into the Blue (2005), and her initial placement in this movie is more forcefed than a dog being fed its heartworm pill.  Like the dog we resist and want nothing to do with it, but we accept that we have no choice and swallow.  It didn’t help when Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Sunshine), in her worst role ever, suggested that Arthur save her from some domestic abuse—while for the sake of his own survival he’s trying to lay low as an assassin who’s supposed to be dead and some bad people had just discovered he was alive…and he beat the crap out of them…hence the LOW PROFILE—and then insinuate that they were a “couple” almost immediately.

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That’s right, we saw Michelle Yeoh calling us over with our favorite bacon-flavored treat, we saw that evil white medicinal pellet embedded in it, and we let her jam that nonsense down our throat!  Yuck, I feel dirty now.

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I guess there are worse things I could have forced upon me.

The bad guy couldn’t be more Eurotrashy slick.  He’s always smug, he demands impossible tasks with unreasonably proximate deadlines, and never ever cares when a dozen of his men get shot in the face during a 2-minute action sequence that should be called “Bishop’s Lackluster Murder Revenge Marathon.”  Don’t these henchmen realize that he doesn’t care about their well-being…like…at all?  They should really listen to our Podcast Episode #43: Advice for Movie Henchman.  It baffles the mind how readily these goons jeopardize their lives against the most impossibly talented assassin their employer knows.

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Oh, and keep an eye out for Tommy Lee Jones’ most annoying role ever.
I feel like they told the people in wardrobe:
“Just make him look like an asshole.”

Let’s be clear, folks.  I LOVED The Mechanic (2011).  LOVED IT!  Even though Statham did everything perfectly and was perhaps unreasonably knowledgeable and lucky then as well, we saw him patiently put in the effort and occasionally get frustrated.  The plot points made sense, the antagonist was credible and motivations were clear.  Even if you disagree, you’d have to give me that compared to part 1 these comparisons hold true.

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This one features abhorrent writing and a nonsense premise while Statham prances around The Matrix knowing all and never missing. He wakes up and pisses excellence.  In fact, if his urine stream were to cross a bad guy’s neck, he’d surely be decapitated. Resurrection is an excellent fun bad action movie with great action sequences and I highly recommend you see it on the big screen for some bad-yet-awesome-action popcorn fun.  But as a “film” this script should be crumbled fodder for a hobo’s garbage fire.

Just keep expectations low and you’ll be dazzled. Expect the next Mission Impossible plot and you’ll be pissed.  Cheers!

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