Skip to content

Jack the Giant Slayer as Told by Pictures

February 2, 2013

jack the giant slayer movie poster


I am pretty certain what will happen in Jack the Giant Slayer. There will be beans, beanstalks, angry giants and slayed giants. There will be a smathering of CGI while a well quaffed Ewan McGregor uses his Star Wars training to stab some tall men.

Collider visited the set and released some promotional pictures for the CGI fest. I looked at the pictures and the plot unfolded before my eyes. The film is directed by X-Men and Superman maestro Bryan Singer so it has a chance to be a fun and loud time. The film has been delayed for over a year and was once titled Jack the Giant Killer. We shall see if the delays and tweaking will make it better or louder. I will undoubtedly watch the film but I feel like the surprise will be gone now that I’ve conquered the plot.

A wide eyed kid will find some beans, drop the beans and and look very surprised

Jack the Giant Slayer Nicolas Hoult looking shocked


There will be a climbing scene where after 45 minutes he realizes he has only climbed 20 feet. I wonder how somebody could climb a miles high beanstalk and not be tired

Jack the Giant Slayer longest climbing scene ever


Meanwhile, Ewan McGregor introduces us to the world of the faux-hawk and fabulous shoulder pads.

Jack the Giant Slayer Ewan McGregor


The kid reaches the top of the stalk and the scenery looks like somebody sneezed a bunch of CGI and got lucky.

Jack the Giant Slayer CGI land


Somehow the kid tricks a giant and it falls down the beanstalk and does a belly flop into the ground

Jack the Giant Slayer decapitated giant


Peasants gather and they annoy me. The biggest problem I have with these kinds of films are the extras.

jack the giant slayer peasants


The giants get angry and Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum I see the head of a peasant popping

Jack the Giant Slayer head squish


While giants are popping heads the kid finds a spunky love interest.

Jack the giant slayer eleanor tomlinson


The giants gather and prove they can pose in cool looking positions. Also, the main giants hair looks like  he saw a picture of Walton Goggin’s hairstyle  in Justified and decided to copy it.

Jack the Giant Slayer Giants posing


Ewan McGregor once again proves he has awesome hair.

Jack the Giant Slayer Ewan McGregor hair again


The giants gather in a huge CGI blob and plan on smooshing some puny humans.

Jack the giant slayer giant with two heads


The humans line up against the giants in what will prove to be a very bad idea. Who thinks they can withstand giants charging? They tried it in Wrath of the Titans and it proved to be incredibly dumb.

Jack the giant slayer love interest holding the line


A huge battle happens and everybody becomes friends. In the pic below the crew is smiling at all the giants and their new found love of faux-hawks.

Jack the giant slayer ewan wins


There you have it! Zero research. Watched a trailer once. Probably correct. I can’t wait to watch this film and appreciate the CGI and peasant smooshing.

Jack the Giant Slayer poster



One Comment leave one →
  1. April 21, 2013 1:41 pm

    You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic
    to be really something which I think I would never
    understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.
    I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: