Skip to content

Jack the Giant Slayer as Told by Pictures

February 2, 2013

jack the giant slayer movie poster

via

I am pretty certain what will happen in Jack the Giant Slayer. There will be beans, beanstalks, angry giants and slayed giants. There will be a smathering of CGI while a well quaffed Ewan McGregor uses his Star Wars training to stab some tall men.

Collider visited the set and released some promotional pictures for the CGI fest. I looked at the pictures and the plot unfolded before my eyes. The film is directed by X-Men and Superman maestro Bryan Singer so it has a chance to be a fun and loud time. The film has been delayed for over a year and was once titled Jack the Giant Killer. We shall see if the delays and tweaking will make it better or louder. I will undoubtedly watch the film but I feel like the surprise will be gone now that I’ve conquered the plot.

A wide eyed kid will find some beans, drop the beans and and look very surprised

Jack the Giant Slayer Nicolas Hoult looking shocked

via

There will be a climbing scene where after 45 minutes he realizes he has only climbed 20 feet. I wonder how somebody could climb a miles high beanstalk and not be tired

Jack the Giant Slayer longest climbing scene ever

via

Meanwhile, Ewan McGregor introduces us to the world of the faux-hawk and fabulous shoulder pads.

Jack the Giant Slayer Ewan McGregor

via

The kid reaches the top of the stalk and the scenery looks like somebody sneezed a bunch of CGI and got lucky.

Jack the Giant Slayer CGI land

via

Somehow the kid tricks a giant and it falls down the beanstalk and does a belly flop into the ground

Jack the Giant Slayer decapitated giant

via

Peasants gather and they annoy me. The biggest problem I have with these kinds of films are the extras.

jack the giant slayer peasants

via

The giants get angry and Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum I see the head of a peasant popping

Jack the Giant Slayer head squish

via

While giants are popping heads the kid finds a spunky love interest.

Jack the giant slayer eleanor tomlinson

via

The giants gather and prove they can pose in cool looking positions. Also, the main giants hair looks like  he saw a picture of Walton Goggin’s hairstyle  in Justified and decided to copy it.

Jack the Giant Slayer Giants posing

via

Ewan McGregor once again proves he has awesome hair.

Jack the Giant Slayer Ewan McGregor hair again

via

The giants gather in a huge CGI blob and plan on smooshing some puny humans.

Jack the giant slayer giant with two heads

via

The humans line up against the giants in what will prove to be a very bad idea. Who thinks they can withstand giants charging? They tried it in Wrath of the Titans and it proved to be incredibly dumb.

Jack the giant slayer love interest holding the line

via

A huge battle happens and everybody becomes friends. In the pic below the crew is smiling at all the giants and their new found love of faux-hawks.

Jack the giant slayer ewan wins

via

There you have it! Zero research. Watched a trailer once. Probably correct. I can’t wait to watch this film and appreciate the CGI and peasant smooshing.

Jack the Giant Slayer poster

via

fffff

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 21, 2013 1:41 pm

    You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic
    to be really something which I think I would never
    understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.
    I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of
    it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: