John’s Old School Horror Corner: The Burning (1981)

MY CALL:  This was a great, campy, classic slasher movie which served as a teen, sex-driven comedy when blood wasn’t being spilled.  I highly recommend it.  IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH:  If you like laughs with your horror then watch The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Final Destination 5 (2011), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Drag Me to Hell (2009), and of course Evil Dead 2 (1987) and The Evil Dead (1981).

An 80s slasher-horror that takes place at a summer camp.  Yeah, I think I’ve seen it before–Sleepaway Camp (1983, and three sequels), Friday the 13th (1980, plus nine sequels, a Freddy crossover and a remake).  But don’t skip this with that notion in mind.

In many of these movies the killer is “made” by the mistreatment of campers; Angela was teased before killing the campers and staff at Sleepaway Camp, Jason Voorhees drowned while over-sexed lifeguards were smoking pot and making out at Crystal Lake.  Our killer is made when a prank goes terribly wrong.  Some teens thought it would be funny to scare the camp caretaker by placing a burning skull next to his bed for him to wake up to.  When he awakens, shocked, he knocks over the skull which catches his bed (and him) on fire and he’s horribly burned–hence the title.

This is our killer, Cropsy.  Don’t cry for him.  His “before” picture was nothing special either.

After five years of treatment and skin grafts he is released from the hospital.  This is a rather elaborate treatment considering that when we see his face in the end, it looks like someone just dumped water on him and left him for dead with a face looking like a melted candle.  The first thing he does is kill just about the ugliest hooker in New York.  This could probably be considered a public service.

Meanwhile, back at camp, we meet some horny teenagers including a young, scene-stealing Jason Alexander.  These campers were in no way connected to the misdeeds of our killer’s mutilation, but that doesn’t stop him from killing a bunch of them simply because their counselor was one of the prankster’s who wronged him.  This counselor seems like a great guy now, though. That is, until, he demonizes him in a true campfire tale of his mutilation.

To answer your question: “no.”  Jason Alexander wasn’t even thin as a teenager.

It takes about an hour for the horror to start.  Until then it feels like an entertaining, raunchy teen camp R-comedy movie.  But when it does start it’s fun.  I mean, the guy is slaughtering teenagers with hedge sheers–I have no clue where he got them.  So be ready for some slashing, throat-stabbing and finger-clipping goodness.  The corpse and prosthetics effects were done well for the time.

And now for a gore montage…

We get all of the typical campiness in this camp-horror classic.  Consistent with the time, we get bouncy bra-less breasts, extremely short shorts, sex scenes, skinny-dipping and shower scenes–there’s a lot of nudity. The teen campers talk about sex (constantly) and smoke cigarettes in between lines of raunchy dialogue.  When they’re not smoking in between talking about climbing on top of each other naked, they’re climbing on top of each other naked.

To this end, I would warn folks away from watching this with preteen fledgling horror fans who can handle most R-rated horror.  The sexuality is inescapable and there are many scenes in which the guys get way to pushy with unwilling girls.  No rape or anything, but it’d be enough to make you uncomfortable around younger viewers.  That, and again, a LOT of nudity.

It looks like that shirt was painted on.  She actually looks less naked in the shower than she does in that shirt.

This was a great, campy, classic slasher movie which served as a teen, sex-driven comedy when blood wasn’t being spilled.  I highly recommend it.