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John’s Horror Corner: Creature (2011), an 80s campy horror homage that’s laughably dumb, the monster isn’t credible, and every female cast member gets naked.

May 8, 2013

MY CALL:  This flick is like an homage to 80s campy horror.  The story is laughably dumb, the monster isn’t credible (even for B-horror), and every female member of the cast gets naked.  That said, I was transported to my mother’s basement and a teenage state of mind that allowed me to enjoy this for what it is, a deliberately campy horror flick.  IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH:  Enjoy some cabin camping with Evil Dead (2013), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010) and Cabin Fever (2002).

In the spirit of good taste and classic horror campiness, this movie follows in the bold footsteps of The Funhouse (1981) and Of Unknown Origin (1983) by opening with a gratuitous nudity scene.  Not just a couple nips either; you see EVERYTHING.  I think I could see her uterus.  LMFAO.  After what felt like minutes of watching this beautiful woman swimming naked in a swamp–who does that anyway–she comes to a gruesome end.

Needless to say, I’m not expecting much from a movie that resorts to such tactics.  But, then again, both The Funhouse (1981) and Of Unknown Origin (1983) did the same thing and they turned out to be great (as far as low budget 80s horror goes).

Following the classic Wrong Turn/Hills Have Eyes/Texas Chainsaw formula, a group of six twenty-somethings (three couples) are on a road trip and, just like The Cabin in the Woods taught us, meet the harbinger of bad things to come but don’t bat an eye at him.  In this case, the harbinger is cameo’d by Sid Haig (Galaxy of Terror, Lords of Salem) and his backwater gas station shop workers.  Pruitt Taylor Vince (Identity, Constantine) plays another of the local crazies.

Our attractive victims include Mehcad Brooks (True Blood), Serinda Swan (Tron: Legacy, Percy Jackson and the Olympians), Amanda Fuller (Freerunner), Aaron Hill (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), Lauren Schneider (Red White & Blue) and Dillon Casey…oh, and a lot of their skin.

So what’s hunting our attractive cast?  Some mutated alligator man of Louisiana bayou folklore complete with a flashback backstory for an extra bit of flavor.  It’s lame, but I’m entertained nonetheless.  It’s stupidity actually functions as its charm.
Oh, what a surprise, it wants to mate.

Our cast make their way to the scariest cabin in the woods since the Evil Dead cabin.  Of course, they decide to spend the night.  However, I maintain that any other stylish group of people like these would decide to sleep in the car over a filthy, decrepit, moss-covered lean-to of a shanty house.  At this point our alligator man isn’t sure if he’s supposed to kill them.  But then they started drinking and smoking pot, so…yeah, according to the Horror Movie Playbook now he knows to kill them.  Throw in some drunk girl on girl action and you know they’re goners!

As for the monster, we never see much of it in the first half of the movie.  Instead, we see something out of focus move in the background, a close-up of a monstrous claw, some blood splashes on the wall and then, finally, a bloody claw.  It’s typical low budget fare.  When we are graced with full body shots of the monster, it’s during ill-lit night scenes to mask the “guy in the rubber suit” monster make-up.  The rubber suit is pretty bad.  Needless to say, I wasn’t at all impressed with the effects.  I’ve seen much better work on ScyFy’s Face Off.

But don’t worry, they make up for that with a tragically awful ending.

Let’s face it.  This wasn’t good.  But I was actually entertained by how classically not good it was.

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