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Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987)

September 6, 2013

MY CALL:  Not nearly as epic of a guilty pleasure as the original nor as outrageous, but still LOADS of bad, bad, so very bad fun.  This sequel focuses more on comedy than it’s more serious-toned and much more breasty predecessor.  IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCHDeathstalker (1983).

Back by popular demand comes the long-awaited sequel to Deathstalker (1983)!!!  Leaving some big shoes to fill, Rick Hill did not return to reprise his lead role as Deathstalker.  I guess after the raging success of the seminal Deathstalker film he was busy working on Hollywood studio pictures–but evidently none of them ever got made (just check him out on IMDB).  Attempting to do justice to the role is newcomer John Terlesky (Vampirella, Chopping Mall).

Always stumbling his way into adventure, Deathstalker meets Reena the semi-cute seer (Monique Gabrielle; 976-Evil II, Evil Toons, The Return of Swamp Thing), his main squeeze for the movie–while he’s being faithful anyway.  She foresees his upcoming adventure and knows some of the bad guys he’s supposed to face.

For someone who sees the future, Reena was pretty shocked by these zombies.

Hey, Reena?  Did you foresee the threesome Deathstalker was planning while you were…JUST IN THE OTHER ROOM!!!

Oh, Reena.  How quickly you forget Deathstalker’s ways.  When will you just learn to avoid frat bros with unearned nicknames like Deathstalker?

The cast of villains includes the extremely androgynous condescending and fabulously manscaped Jarek the sorcerer, his scantily clad head henchwoman Sultana (Toni Naples; Sorority House Massacre II, Sorceress, Chopping Mall) and the even more scantily clad soul-sucking Princess Evie (also played by Monique Gabrielle), who he made by cloning the soul of Reena.  These villains bring Deathstalker boring fights, fun humorous villainy banter, and one awkwardly loooong sex scene.

Here’s Sultana–and she’s wearing some perfectly practical combat gear.  It looks VERY supportive.

Hmmm.  What shall I do today?  Do we have any young boys left?

Here is Princess Evie thinking about sucking a lucky young man’s soul.

She sucked it.  She sucked the soul right out of the guy.  You can tell by the soul drippings coming down her lips.

But you don’t get good at sucking souls over night…it takes lots of practice.

Oh no!  Now she’s going to suck Deathstalker’s soul!  How can we stop the evil soul-sucking Evie?  Simple.  Blunt force trauma to the head.

During their adventure, which is much more aimless than the original, Deathstalker and Reena encounter a cemetery full of zombies, survive some Indiana Jones-esque traps, meet an Amazon Princess (Maria Socas; The Warrior and the Sorceress) and Deathstalker enters a wrestling death match with the plus-sized Amazon champion Gorgo (Queen Kong).  The action is all pretty boring for action’s sake, but they have their funny moments.

Amazons come in all shapes and sizes, you know?

Yeah, this looks fair.

This sequel seems to lack much of the attempted high fantasy of the original.  But what this lacked in Dungeons & Dragons ilk, it more than made up for with super cheesy one-liners.    Sadly, this humorous approach to the franchise left little room for gore, as we find none of the festive battle amputations of the original except for one delicious finisher to the finale fight.

So Deathstalker and Jarek are the “Titans” that “duel” in this lame fight.  A frat bro with a dumb nickname and this other guy who looks like he’s never done a push-up in his life?  Yeah, this fight’s gonna’ be awesome!

[death gargle]

Some playful quotes include “What’s your name?”  To which Deathstalker of course replies “Deathstalker.”  “Is that your first name or your last name?”  There are plenty of sex-based jokes as well.  For example, “Is that your sword or are you just happy to see me?”  I’m not saying the writing is clever.  I’m just saying it made me smile, even if it was stupid.

To that end, I should point out that, despite the nudity, this sequel is not an exploitation flick like the original.  Men aren’t forcing themselves on women, Deathstalker isn’t as much of a jerk frat bro, there is no rape, women are generally treated with more respect (as opposed to entirely with disrespect in part 1) and the female characters share in delivering the comedy.

Oh, right.  In the end they crown Reena princess.  She dresses in the same conservative wardrobe as her evil soul-sucking clone twin Evie.

This is a more “wholesome” TnA fantasy-adventure flick.  Oh, and stick around for the credits.  They show us some endearing bloopers.

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. Mike permalink
    September 6, 2013 10:02 pm

    I suspect your review was a lot more fun than actually watching the movie would be.

    • johnleavengood permalink
      September 13, 2013 2:19 pm

      In all fairness that may be true. But the movie is, indeed, fun to watch.

  2. April 23, 2014 7:59 pm

    “There is no rape”? There’s a scene where Reena’s shirt is torn open and three of the guards try to rape her.

    • johnleavengood permalink
      April 23, 2014 8:11 pm

      Consider the use of the word more of a warning for people considering watching this with their teen kid. The kid may be able to handle it just fine, but both the parent and kid would probably prefer not to be in the room together for such a scene.

Trackbacks

  1. Conquest (1983), Lucio Fulci’s utter failure into Swords & Sorcery | Movies, Films & Flix
  2. Barbarian Queen (1985), perhaps the worst and most breasty sword and sorcery movie ever made | Movies, Films & Flix
  3. John’s Horror Corner: Chopping Mall (1986), a crazy melee of killer robots that shoot frickin’ laser beams from their eyes | Movies, Films & Flix
  4. The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984), one of the better “bad” 80s Sword & Sorcery movies | Movies, Films & Flix
  5. John’s Horror Corner: The Haunting of Morella (1990), a smutty, possession-themed, boobstravaganza exploitation film with craptastic effects. | Movies, Films & Flix
  6. Sorceress (1982), a raunchy 80s fantasy movie featuring naked twin barbarian women, a floating manticore God and the dumbest magical prophecy ever. | Movies, Films & Flix
  7. John’s Horror Corner: Faust: Love of the Damned (2000), a smutty, gory, cheesy movie about soul-selling revenge and deals with the Devil. | Movies, Films & Flix
  8. The Devil’s Sword (1984), a bonkers Indonesian martial arts fantasy B-movie. | Movies, Films & Flix
  9. Bad Movie Tuesday: Thor the Conqueror (1983), another deliciously awful Italian fantasy B-movie. | Movies, Films & Flix

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