The MFF Random Oscar Winners!: A Collection of Great Hair, lounging and Accessories

Hello all. Mark here.

The Oscars have come and gone and we are left with the emotional dump that comes from such an important night (joke). While everyone is discussing Birdman, we here at MFF are buzzing about the MFF random Oscar winners.

The awards were full of close races and some surprise runaways. It was full of intrigue, drama and a back and forth battle for Biggest A-Hole.

Here are the winners!

Best Butt-Kicker

John Wick – He kills 76 people via close combat gun work and supposedly could murder the boogeyman. Keanu Reeves is an underrated action star and I am so happy that John Wick took off.

 

Runner-up: Rita Vrataski – Runner up seems weird for a person who saved the world and mastered yoga.

 

Best Beard 

Brendan Gleeson – Calvary – Gleeson’s beard in Calvary is a true man’s beard. It has a multi-colored nobility to it that says “I’ve seen some things.”

 

Runner up: A tie between Chris Evans (Snowpiercer) and Nic Cage (Joe). I would give the edge to Evans because his beard is more practical in his cold and dreary train world.

 

Worst Travel Companion

Laura – Under the Skin – If you get into a car with Laura you are done. You will be sucked into some goo and become a human jellyfish. She gives you hope and then she gives you death.

 

Lou Bloom – Nightcrawler – Imagine sitting in a car with this guy. He is all about himself, hates others and does not like it when you try bargaining with him.

 

Best Lounging

Rob and Steve – The Trip to Italy – They look comfortable, relaxed and ready to unleash impersonations. This is strategic lounging that shows off their personalities and surroundings

 

Runner up – Thanos – Guardians of the Galaxy – For a guy that could destroy the universe he sure likes to lounge a lot. Who built that chair? Does it have a cup holder?

 

Huh?

Pompeii – Pompeii is a quirky little thing that is loaded with unintentional laughs, wonky accents (British? Irish? Italian? I think Sutherland made up an accent) and the greatest bro-hug ever. Imagine if  2012, Gladiator, Bloodrayne, Titanic, Romeo & Juliet, Tristan & Isolde, Centurion, In the Name of the Kingand The Three Musketeers were mixed together then rewritten by Paul W.S. Anderson. Pompeii is an amalgamation of illogical weirdness and irrelevant fluff.

 

Runner up – Left Behind – I understand why Left Behind was made. Pompeii still has me confused.

 

Best Couple 

Rocket and Groot – Guardians of the Galaxy. I can sum up their victory in three words. WE ARE GROOT!

 

Runner up – Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne – The dynamic duo couldn’t scare away a tree and a raccoon.

 

Funniest Moment

Channing Tatum goes wild in 22 Jump Street – Tatum going bananas around Ice Cube’s ice cube office never gets old.

 

Runner up – Seth Rogen loses fingers in The Interview – I am kinda bummed that poor Rogen lost the award. The moment was hilarious.

 

Best Usage of fish

HTTYD2 – A cute dragon eating fish always trumps post apocalyptic dead fish.

 

Runner up – Snowpiercer – The fish plays a pivotal role in a pivotal fight yet didn’t get enough love.

 

Who won 2014?

Chris Pratt – Guardians of the Galaxy and The lego Movie – Everything is awesome for Chris Pratt. The guy pulled off a Jackson Pollock black light joke. Much props.

 

Runner up – Scarjo – After Lucy, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Under the Skin I thought she was a lock .

 

Best Driving

James Franco – The Interview – Do you ever feel like a paper bag floating through the wind? Well, Franco sure did. He saved the day via tank driving and Katy Perry

 

Runner up – Sam Jackson –Cap 2 – I seriously want to know who built his SUV of doom.

 

Biggest A-Hole

Tie between Matt Damon in Interstellar and The Guy With the Hair (Dominic Cooper) in Need for Speed

Matt Damon gets enough love. People need to respect the guy with the hair more. Dude was a major A-hole.

 

Runner up – Ronan the Underwritten – It was sorta gangster how he punked out Thanos.

 

Best Scoot McNairy

Tie – Gone Girl and Frank – Scott McNairy is awesome. This was the closest race of the tournament.

 

Runner up: Non-Stop – He almost didn’t fall prey to Liam Neeson’s skill set.

 

Best Accessory

The Walkman from Guardians of the Galaxy – The Walkman was a brilliant idea and it actually became a member of the cast. It also almost single-handedly brought back the cassette.

 

Runner up – Chris Pine’s Pompadour – It looked great but didn’t play music.

 

Best Hotel

John Wick’s Assassin hotel – I love how the John Wick creators created a new world via one very cool hotel.  Also, the hotel served great bourbon.

 

Runner up – Grand Budapest Hotel (AKA a place full of wonderful stuff).

 

What do you think about the winners? Leave a comment!