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The Best Fights of Nicholas Sparks Films

March 9, 2015

Hello all. Mark here.

“There’s nothing more enduring than first love.”

That is the quote that opens up Nicholas Spark’s new movie The Best of Me. I reworked that quote to fit this post

“There’s nothing more enduring than watching Kevin Costner engage in an all out brawl in a romantic film written by Nicholas Sparks”

I recently watched the totally pointless 1999 film Message in a Bottle.  The book was written by Nicholas Sparks and the adaptation cemented down a blueprint for the following Spark’s films (lots and lots of melodrama).  Amid all the schmaltz there was one scene that really stuck out. During a morning breakfast at a diner Kevin Costner gets into a slugfest with his deceased wife’s brother that involves chairs, tables and butt kicks. It feels totally out-of-place and it got me thinking about other fights in Nicholas Spark’s films.

The fights go down like this. A one-dimensional jerk does something jerky and the hero punches him. I went through the fights and deduced that the Message in a Bottle brawl is the best of the bunch due to the sheer randomness of it. It is refreshing to have a brawl between two grown men who have a decent feud.

1. Message in a Bottle

The fight in Message is a sudden blast of middle-aged violence. Costner is enjoying a morning coffee when an unnecessarily angry man walks into the restaurant and starts running his mouth. The two obviously have a past and by the look of the restaurant owner’s face they’ve fought before. Costner says something snarky and the dude runs towards the table. Here is where it gets interesting! In a true veteran moment Costner kicks a chair at the guy then picks him up easily and slams him on a table. Costner gets pulled back by a restaurant patron and because of this he gets kicked in the butt. A couple more punches are thrown and the two go their separate ways.

I couldn’t find the fight so I will show you a picture of Kevin Costner in The Postman. How cool would it be if his Postman character found the message in the bottle? Mind blown! You are welcome Hollywood.

The postman

 

 

2. The Last Song 

The fight scene from The Last Song exemplifies the one-dimensional jerk character of Spark’s films. In this instance of fisticuffs we get a druggy named Mark interrupting a fancy wedding via all around jerkiness. He throws water in his ex-girlfriend’s face then pulls a crowbar out of his old truck to go to work on Liam Hemsworth. Liam disarms the jerk then engages some solid clinch work and lands several uppercuts which push the jerk to the ground. He then throws some unnecessarily angry ground and pound which leaves the jerk with a legit bloody nose. The problem is that once Liam saves the day his mom totally punks him out in front of the crowd (Spark’s parents are always a pain in the butt).

 

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3. A Walk To Remember

Incredibly jerky teenagers mock poor Mandy Moore because of a circulating picture. These kids are really really really mean. Not in the normal way. They are mean in the “we were written for the screen” kind of way. However, the tides turn quickly as Shane West walks into the room and gives the bully a solid two-handed push. The bully pushes back, then turns and yells at his girlfriend (worst kid ever). The good news is that when he turns around West pops him with a legit sucker punch. Some guy comes in to break it up and he gets pushed into oblivion (seriously, I don’t know where he went after the push). Then, the bully does some rock fingers and says “we’re through.” He calls West a “chicken sh#t” which doesn’t make sense because he is the one bullying women and throwing rock fingers. Did I mention he was throwing rock fingers whilst looking like a Puddle of Mud über fan (no offense to casual Puddle of Mud fans)?

 

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4. Dear John 

Channing Tatum wipes out poor Randy (Scott Porter) and ends up breaking little Tim’s (Henry Thomas) nose. The fight is the quintessential jerky friend zone guy battling the quiet and intense love interest. Poor Randy is in the wrong place at the wrong time and he gets taken down with a punch and a head/leg sweep. It is really embarrassing for the poor friend zone guy. However, Randy was out of his league and is dealt with in a very Tampa sort of way (way too violent).

I couldn’t find the fight but you can see most of it in the trailer.

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5. The Best of Me

The Best of Me is garbage. It takes excellent actors James Marsden and Michelle Monoghan and gives them a script written by a romance sociopath. The fights in Best of Me revolve around the Boyd Crowder wannabe father beating up an old man and his 17-year-old son (who is actually a 25-year-old Australian). The only good moment in these punch fests is when the 25-year-old Australian catches one of his father’s punches. PLEASE do not watch this movie. It hurts the soul. I understand if you are a Sparks completest but know it is almost worse than Nights in Rodanthe.

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Runner ups!

1. Zac Efrons dismantling of Biff’s (angry ex-husband who is an angry cop) gun. it is quick, slick and prevents further dust ups.

2. Julianne Hough’s incredibly violent and deadly bunkhouse brawl with another massive jerk in Safe Haven.

3. James Marsden’s wrench work in Best of Me. He is sneaky like Mr. Deed’s butler but it is all for naught. I really don’t like this movie.

4. Paul Newman’s shove work in Message in a Bottle. He is great in Message. The ending is absolutely insane.

 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2015 12:17 pm

    The best fight that I can think of is the one inside myself where I wonder whether I should blow up the screen or not. Especially whenever I’m watching a Nicholas Sparks movie. Either way, nice post! Some laughs!

    • March 9, 2015 2:40 pm

      I agree. They are a slog to get through.
      The two worst offenders were Nights in Rodanthe and Best of Me. Yuck.

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