Kids, To Die For, Welcome to the Dollhouse and Village of the Damned: Ranking the Troubled Youth of 1995

1995 was a banner year for troubled youth. Kids, To Die For, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Basketball Diaries, Toy Story, Village of the Dammed and Dangerous Minds all featured kids in revolt. Whether they be misguided, feral or possessed by funky aliens these young people (I’m guessing 11-18) had some troubles. The following posts ranks the troubled youth and wonders where they might be today

Sidenote: In order to keep this post from being 20,000 words I had to leave out the trouble youth from Heavyweights, Hackers, Clockers, Powder, Angus, Quick and the Dead, Major Payne and Born to be Wild.

8. Village of the Damned – Mysteriously born blond jerks.

These little blond bombers were jerky creatures that hypnotized people via glowing eyes. However, they were stopped by a briefcase bomb and their hopes of annoying people were over.

Where are they now? Awaiting the remake.

7. Toy Story – The Unsupervised Toy Hater Sid.

Sid was a little maniac who blew up toys with aplomb and made life miserable for CGI creations.

John (The Horror Leviathan) has an interesting theory about Sid:

I have a theory that Toy Story’s Sid is actually the kid (Andy) from Child’s Play 1 & 2 (1988, 1990) a few years later, but before Child’s Play 3 (when he was a teenager in military school). You see, he had to change his name to avoid being found by Chucky. Naturally he hates toys now, especially toys with the potential to self-animate! So really, Sid is just taking preemptive action to avoid being killed by another sentient toy.

Where is he now?  Well, The toys came to life and scared the crap out of him. I bet he is on some form of medication because his parents think he was acting out. He will always look at toys and wonder “Did I really see that?” The good news is that in Toy Story 3 he had a cameo as a garbageman. Seems like he turned it around and is doing a legit job that helps the world.

6. Dangerous Minds – The clichéd classroom

The high school students in Dangerous Minds were a troubled lot who needed a mentor. Their savior came in the form of leather jacket wearing Michelle Pfeiffer. I don’t see the kids from Village of the Damned falling for her teaching practices.

Where are they now?  Living in a gangsters paradise

5. Welcome to the Dollhouse – Dawn

Dawn Weiner is a 7th grader who gets ignored at home, mistreated by classmates and when she asks why people don’t like her this is what happens.

Dawn Weiner: Why do you hate me?

Lolita: Because you’re ugly.

The worst part is the one kid who gives her attention speaks to her like this:

“Yo, Weiner, you better get ready, ’cause at three o’clock today, I’m gonna RAPE you!”

Even when poor Dawn acts out it blows up in her face. For instance, she doesn’t tell her sister to get a ride home from her ballet lesson and because of this her sister gets kidnapped by a sicko neighbor who lives on their street. The sister is rescued but this causes doom for future Dawn. The poor girl can’t win.

Where is she now? Hopefully, somewhere far from home where she isn’t constantly harassed by terrible people.

4.  To Die For – Jimmy, Russell and Lydia

What happens when three delinquent teenagers dealing with low self-esteem and idiocy meet an insane blond bombshell? They end up murdering her husband, going to jail for life or selling out their friends. Poor Jimmy (Joaquin Phoenix) never had a chance. Russell (Casey Affleck) was too dumb to back out. Lydia (Alison Folland) gets Nicole Kidman on tape but she also proves her guilt. They are three incorrigible stooges that don’t have enough confidence to escape the blond’s tractor beam of doom.

Where are they now? Jimmy is 20 years in on a life sentence. Russell has been out of prison for four years and probably working as a limo driver. Lydia has become a private detective.

3. Heat – Lauren 

The poor girl has a deadbeat dad, an absent step dad and trouble with depression. She is out of control and nobody does anything about it. It all culminates with her attempting suicide and things don’t get better from there. Natalie Portman had some interesting roles in the 1990s. Whether teaming up with a hitman in Leon or being admired by grown men in Beautiful Girls the girl got away with things I don’t think would happen today.

Where is she now? Val Kilmer had an idea for a Heat sequel. It revolved around him marrying Lauren and torturing Pacino. So, she is married to Val Kilmer.

2.  Basketball Diaries – Jim

Jim was a star basketball player (think Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf) who got hooked on heroin and eventually turned to prostitution. He gets kicked out of his house, imagines killing his classmates (Which would later come back and haunt the producers), robs old ladies and waxes cheesily poetic. However, Ernie Hudson finds him and nurses him back to health and all is good again.

Where is he now? Writing poetry and running YMCA basketball games.

1. The kids from Kids

I watched Kids when I was 14 and I still can’t believe Blockbuster let me rent it. It left me flat on the couch staring at the television like I had been paralyzed. It was a bonkers slice of life written by a 19-year-old Harmony Corrine (Spring Breakers) and feels like a documentary. The kids were like feral animals who only wanted sex, drugs, sex, drugs and more sex. Harmony Korine and Larry Clark populated the film with street kids and this adds to the authenticity of the awfulness.

Where are they now? Dead, almost dead, presumed dead or local government officials.

Did I miss any troubled youth? Where would you rank them?

Toy Story