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MFF Special: Breaking Down the Plots of Jaws 5-19

January 13, 2016

Jaws is my favorite film and I’ve always loved the moment in Back to the Future 2 when Marty comes across Jaws 19. Recently, Universal unleashed some fake trailers and as much as I loved them I felt like they didn’t adhere to the laws of horror sequels. They veered into cheeky territory and I wanted to write about the real trajectory Jaws would take. Here is the trailer Universal released. 

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If you’ve been reading MFF for some time you know that I love writing about horror franchises, sequels and remakes. The horror franchise world is littered with insane films that have no problem going to space or rebooting whenever they want. The quality takes a nosedive and we are stuck with some truly bad (but great) moments. I love how very good films spawn about 10 bad films. It is a trend we can’t avoid and instead of complaining I’ve embraced the stupidity and learned to appreciate the shenanigans. That is why I wanted to give Jaws 5-19 the bonkers respect they deserve.

Jaws 5-19 have every right to be insane and the following films build a crazy world of money grubbing sequels.

 

Jaws 5: Jaws Lives – Jaws healed up in an ocean cave for a year (the impaling was only a flesh wound) and wants to go after the Brody family once again. Jaws uses her (plot twist!) weird mental tracking skills and 15 minutes in kills Hoagie (Michael Caine filmed the two minute scene for $5 million dollars) via a strategically placed jump into a taking off airplane. Jaws targets Ellen Brody at Amity Island and almost succeeds at killing her. However, Brody uses her telepathic link (explains the flashbacks in Jaws 4) and tranquilizes the shark and traps it in a pen. However, a mysterious person lets Jaws out.

 

Jaws 6: The Dream Shark  – We begin to learn that there is something supernatural about the shark and she has a telepathic link with Brody. Of course, Jaws comes back and has a very subpar chase scene involving Brody and a wave runner. It ends up with Brody getting thrown into a buoy and being saved at the last minute by her nephew and niece.  She ends up bed ridden and it is up to her niece and nephew to kill the shark via her visions of the sharks future. However, a mysterious cult arrive and we find out they are trying to breed sharks with Jaws. Jaws kills all the sharks but is electrocuted in the mating pen by the niece and nephew. They think Jaws is dead but he escapes. (The biggest dud of the franchise).

 

Jaws 7: Jaws Takes Cape Cod – All of the Brody clan are presumed dead except for one guy named Stu (they yada yada it into the story). He has caught a case of amnesia and decides to board a pleasure cruise that is traveling to Cape Cod. He has a link with Jaws and he can see what Jaws is seeing. People on the boat think Stu is crazy because of his screaming at night and weird night sweats. Everybody on the cruise gets eaten but Jaws is blown up when Stu uses mind powers to make an underwater WWII mine explode. Jaws Takes Cape Cod is famous for an incredibly bonkers scene. A drunk teenager tries to box Jaws and gets his head knocked off for his troubles. Jaws throws a mean left hook. 

jason

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Jaws 8: Purgatory – The shark is stuck in hell and is oddly given the ability to turn into an adorable minnow. Jaws is sent back to earth and  whenever she is touched she wiggles into the person and turns them into a human/shark hybrid that can breathe air and swim through the beach sand. Jaws kills many people in a terrible shark outfit (think Squid Lake) and is eventually stuck in a high tech military fishbowl.

 

Jaws 9: Deep Blue Space –  Jaws is trapped as a minnow and the military plans to use it in wars. They want to train it to do reconnaissance in caves on Mars. They recruit a cool guy to train it but the cool guy eventually forms a bond with the killer. In an attempt to free Jaws he lets it loose in the spaceship water supply. Chaos ensues and Jaws escapes in a tiny escape pod.

 

Jaws 10: Season of the Shark – This one is weird because it doesn’t feature Jaws. It features a weird fish tank company who are peddling very cheap fish tanks on the populace. It turns out the company “Jaws and Sons”  have a weird receiver that hypnotizes people who live in coastal cities. These hypnotized people walk into the water so the sharks can eat them. It is now looked at as a cult classic. 

Halloween 3

Think Halloween III: Season of the Witch….with fish tanks.

 

Jaws 11 – The Final Swim – One of the tiny minnows from Jaws 9 lands in the ocean and swims back to Amity Island to destroy the populace. However, one of the kids who survived the original film senses it and goes in the “ocean world” to battle the shark. The guy is named Chuck Finley and he gathers a team of “Jaws killers.” They all die except for Chuck. (second worse film in the franchise).

 

Jaws 12: The New Flood– Steven Spielberg comes back to direct this film that features  a very meta story line. The original cast celebrating its 30th anniversary decides to travel back to the filming location. They are visiting an amazing new shark aquarium when a massive hurricane comes in and floods the aquarium. They are stuck battling sharks in a very ironic situation.

 

Jaws 13 – Jaws vs. Deep Blue Sea – It turns out a shark did escape from the Deep Blue Sea laboratory area and it has been wreaking havoc in several films (all are surprisingly good and star Thomas Jane and LL Cool J). However, it finds its way to Amity Island and a pissed off Jaws doesn’t like new blood on its turf. Thus, Jaws becomes the somewhat good guy as it battles the genetically mutated shark.

 

Jaws 14: Evolution – This one gets a little crazy as it flashes back to the dawn of human-kind and the creation of man. We see a muscular shark man sacrificing himself into some water and we cut to the future. A group of smart scientists are looking for the gods and they come across earth. Two very smart scientists die stupidly and we are left with the rest of crew mutating into shark creatures. A woman who had a shark baby (and recovered quickly) and a mutilated cyborg escape.

prometheusopen

The shark guy looks like the person from Prometheus.

Jaws 15: Planet of the Sharks – This one takes place in a future where the world is populated with incredibly smart sharks. A man crash lands on the planet and leads a revolution. The bad sharks get their comeuppance and the man realizes he has been in Amity Island the whole time.

 

Jaws 16 – Jaws is remade and directed by Michael Bay. A bunch of nubile twenty-somethings meet their deaths while being scantily clad. The movie is a glossy drone devoid of personality but it is a hit.

 

Jaws 17: The Beginning – With the success of the remake they do a prequel where a bunch of nubile twentysomethings get stuck on catamarans and are attacked by a shark. Michael Bay didn’t return to direct so the movie is basically a glossy drone of a movie that was a glossy drone. 

Shark Night

Think Jaws 2 meets Shark Night.

Jaws 18: Before the Beginning – The prequel to the remake gets a prequel where we learn that Jaws was angry at shark finners and had a terrible home life so it attacked the coast and murdered nubile twenty-somethings.

Jaws 19 – Read Jaws 19

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