MFF Special: Ranking the Property Destruction of the Super Bowl Movie Trailers

 

I love the Superbowl movie trailers because the big studios spend a lot of money to promote their blockbusters. This means the 30-second trailers pack in a lot of action into one commercial. Thus, we are blessed with copious amounts of property destruction and glory shots of things blowing up. In honor of the new trailers I’ve decided to rank them in order of property destruction. I want the world to know how much damage a 30-second trailer can do. The following post is made up of complete guess work and I am not a registered insurance agent. However, I’ve taken a lot of time making sure the rankings are correct and the sums are close to their actual price (not really).

 

12. Eddie the Eagle 

Property Damage Meter – 0

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 There are a few bruises but Eddie doesn’t destroy anything when he tumbles down the ski slopes. This trailer is an insurance agencies best friend.

Go watch Eddie the Eagle. It is a very fun film with very little property destruction.

Damage amount: $0

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11. The Secret Life of Pets 

Property Damage Meter – 1

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How much money will it cost to repair the damage? A punk dog chews up some shoes which may or may not be expensive. I would go with $1,000 dollars in damage because there were some Jimmy Choo shoes in the closet.

Damage amount: $1,000

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10. 10 Cloverfield Lane

Property Destruction Meter – 2

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The trailer starts off with a car flipping many times over. That is $20,000 right off the bat. Then, either a house or bunker catches on fire. I’m assuming with a monster on the loose the fire department isn’t coming so the damage is about $200,000.

Damage amount: $220,000

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9. The Jungle Book 

Property Damage Meter – 2

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The biggest problem with the property destruction is the location. An ancient temple gets slightly ruffled and will most certainly need fixing. However, how in the heck do you get a work crew in there? It is in the middle of a dangerous jungle and the rocks cannot be easy to replace. I would say with the work crews and quarry work it would cost about $5,000,000

Damage amount: $5,000,000

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8. Jason Bourne 

Property Damage Meter – 5

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I hate when bad guys target innocent motorists. The trailer for Jason Bourne shows egregious damage to some poor podcast listening motorists. I counted about 20 cars being destroyed which amounts to about $400,000 in damage. Also, while Jason is riding around on a motorcycle the bad guys are shooting rocket launchers at him and causing massive fireballs. That is at least $5,000,000. I wonder if Jason Bourne ever thinks about hiding out in the desert? That way when people attack him they are blowing up sand and the occasional rattle snake.

Damage amount: $5,4000,000

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7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

Property Destruction Meter – 5

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Once again some poor motorists are crunched by the bad guys which causes about ($500,000) in car and building damage. Also, some very expensive looking machinery ($4,000,000) gets destroyed when smashed on a bridge ($1,000,000). I’m surprised at the overall lack of things getting obliterated in the trailer. I’m impressed at the restraint.

Damage amount: $5,500,000

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6. Deadpool 

Property Damage Meter  – 5

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The refreshing thing about the Deadpool trailer is the property destruction is localized. Nobody is trying to destroy the world and aside from a port blowing up ($40,000,000) the world isn’t threatened. Of course, the stock cars go boom ($100,000) and there is some bridge destruction ($2,000,000) but that isn’t too bad! Good job Deadpool!

Damage amount:$42,100,000

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5. Alice Through the Looking Glass 

Property Damage Meter – 7

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There is a world/city/town that is completely on fire! I don’t know how it happened but it looks like a terrible place to own land. I’m guessing the fire goes unchecked and destroys a wide swath of land as well. Between the loss of a town infrastructure and hundreds of acres of land the damage is about  $63,000,000

Damage amount: $63,000,000

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4. Captain America: Civil War 

Property damage meter – 7.1

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I have no clue how much War Machine’s suit costs but I’m guessing $100,000,000. Also, it looks like an entire airport runway is being destroyed ($5,000,000) and there is some stock building destruction ($3,000,000). It bums me out that a superhero squable costs the tax payers and insurance companies so much money.

Damage amount: $108,000,000

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3. Gods of Egypt 

Property damage mater – 7.6

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A plethora of temples are destroyed which means a lot of slaves are going to be forced to rebuild them. Most of the peasant class is smooshed by battling deities so the Egyptian army needs to go to war to collect more slaves to rebuild. Once again, why can’t these battling gods fight in the desert? The damage and war costs are easily around $50,000,000,000.

Damage amount: $50,000,000,000

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2. X-Men: Apocalypse 

Property damage meter – 10

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The name of the film is X-Men: Apocalypse. Thus, the property damage is going to be extreme. The bad guy even says “everything they’ve built will fall.” When an all powerful bad guy starts destroying the world there will be about $50,000,000,000,000 in property damage in a 30-second trailer.

Damage amount: $50,000,000,000,000

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1. Independence Day: Resurgence 

Property damage meter – 11

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The aliens pick up a city then drop it on another city………  The property damage is going to break records. I’m going with $5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. I feel this sum is adequate because both alien and human property is being destroyed.

Damage amount: Way too much too calculate.