Bad Movie Tuesday: The Elementary Stylings of Kindergarten Cop 2

I love the idea of Kindergarten Cop 2 because it came out of nowhere. It is a much delayed/unnecessary sequel that swaps Dolph Lundgren for Arnold Schwarzenegger and has about 1/10 of the budget. If done right, Kindergarten Cop 2 could’ve been a springboard for Lundgren’s career and boosted him to mainstream fare (in my dreams). However, it is a underwritten mess that will certainly disappoint Lundgren fans and anybody else looking for something fun.

The biggest problem with Kindergarten Cop 2 is that it doesn’t try to rise above the direct-to-DVD shlock. The score is bad, and the banter feels written by somebody who only watches DTDVD films. If there was a bad sequel conveyor belt this film would’ve rolled off the assembly line. I understand that expectations shouldn’t be high, and I’ve been burnt before by promising Lundgren films (Shark Lake, In the Name of the King 2) but I was really excited for the weird sequel.

The film revolves around laid-back FBI Agent Dolph Lundgren (always wearing henley shirts) and his partner Bill Bellamy going undercover in a progressive elementary school to find a flash drive. The difference between the two KC films is Dolph has to teach at an extremely liberal school that teaches the benefits of no gluten and liberal values. Thus, you have a large Swedish man teaching young kids while being annoyed that he can’t eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

This is what happens when you feed little children loads of cookies.

I kept hoping that Dolph would freak out and actually have some fun with the kids. This never happens and he is pretty much always laid-back and nonplussed about the whole process. It doesn’t help that KC2 gets bogged down by a lame crime story and a stock relationship involving a much younger teacher. I’d love to see a film where Dolph loses his shit and lets little kindergartners shake him to the core. What I appreciated about the original Kindergarten Cop is how Arnold would absolutely freak out. The dude was out of his league and resorted to shouting “shut up” to tiny children.

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Kindergarten Cop 2 isn’t good enough to be enjoyable and isn’t bad enough to be fun. The movie is a wasted opportunity that could’ve been a fun romp involving a large Swedish man teaching children. If you are looking for other direct-to-DVD Dolph Lundgren films I recommend Command Performance and Universal Soldier: Regeneration.