The 2016 Mid-Year Random Awards: Celebrating Wasted Scotch, Teeth Piercings and Sweaters
The Random Awards are back and they are celebrating the best of 2016 (so far)! I love randomness (just listen to the pod) and because of this I put deep thought into dumb awards. The films of 2016 have given me ample material to work my randomness and I hope you enjoy the inane and cheeky awards
Sit back, relax and enjoy the 2016 Mid-Year Random Awards!
Bucky never got to eat his plum in Captain America: Civil War. Poor guy, just let him eat his plums!
Best Usage of Baby Goo Award
Here is the setup. A witch steals a baby and smooshes it into a gross glob of baby goo. Then, she smears it on a broomstick and flies away. It is very gross and memorable. The Witch is messed up.
You won’t find the baby when you open your eyes.
Best Jean Jacket
Midnight Special is a brilliant film. Michael Shannon rocks a great jean jacket. He also buttons his shirt all the way up. Awesome!
I’m Amazed That the Concert Venue in Green Room Actually Had a Green Room Award
If you get a chance check out Green Room. It is an incredibly tense thriller that puts your nerves in a headlock.
Best Fourth Wall Break Inside a Fourth Wall Break Award
Deadpool breaks the fourth wall 23 times in Deadpool (thanks Mashable). The best wall break features Wade Wilson talking about meeting his blind roommate. In the process, 16 walls get obliterated. Pure gold.
Best Movie, Mustaches, Dialogue and Usage of Kurt Russell’s Son Wyatt Award
Everybody Wants Some!! is the best movie of 2016 (so far)
Best Sweater Award
Vision has a strong sweater game. Also, Vision and Wanda should’ve kissed in Captain America: Civil War instead of Steve and Sharon Carter (that was weird). The world needs more purple people in sweaters.
Best Rope Work Award
I love Hail, Caesar! Alden Ehrenreich’s character Hobie Doyle steals the show. You will love his rope skills, observations and dealings with Ralph Fiennes. I still don’t know how he managed to use a spaghetti lasso.
Best Flare Gun Usage Since The Last Stand Award
The Shallows was a pleasant surprise that features the best flare gun work since Johnny Knoxville in The Last Stand.
Lex Luthor Drinks the Same Bourbon as I Do Award
Lex Luthor and I have similar taste in bourbon. Does that mean I plan on conjuring up an overly-intricate plan to kill a superhero?
I Hate That You Wasted Scotch. However, You Get a Free Pass on This One Award
I love 10 Cloverfield Lane. However, I hate that Scotch was wasted. I understand why it was wasted, but it should never have come to that. What did the Scotch do to deserve such a fate?
Best Polar Bear Riding Award
How did the new Huntsman movie end up with Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron and Jessica Chastain? That is a casting coup.
MVTS (Most Valuable Toilet Stall) Award
The toilet stall in The Nice Guys did some great work. It stole the scene from Ryan Gosling.
Best Standing Around in a Semicircle Award
Apocalypse and his four horsemen do nothing but look fabulous and stand around in a semicircle for two hours. X-Men: Apocalypse is not good.
Couldn’t We Battle a Marshmallow Demon Instead(?) Award
I feel for the Warrens in The Conjuring 2. They have to battle the jerkiest villains.
Huh? What? Really? No? Wait? Huh? What? Really? You Made This? Who Signed Off on This? Really? Huh? Gerry Butler? Egypt? Gods? Huh? Award
Gods of Egypt is insane. I don’t know why it happened. Who thought it was a good idea?
Best Usage of Spanx Award
Alison Brie has a fantasitc breakdown in How to be Single that involves her frightening children, pulling out hair extensions and getting entwined in her spanx. Best freakout of 2016 (so far)
Best Mafia Boss in an Animated Film Award
Mr. Big steals the show in Zootopia. He is a Godfather-esque artic shrew how throws a great wedding. Also, I read that arctic shrews are actually very tough. Solid decision Disney.
When a Crazy Premise Makes a Mediocre Movie Slightly Better Than Mediocre
The Boy is a weird movie. It isn’t good, but the whole evil doll premise is kinda awesome. I love that the “babysitter” doesn’t follow a single rule as well. She basically ignores everything and suffers harassment via doll.
This is How You Introduce New Characters Award
Black Panther and Spider-Man are perfectly introduced in Captain America: Civil War. I hate that Marvel is so good. All my money goes to them.
Ryan Reynolds Loves Swapping Bodies Award
Between Self/less, R.I.P.D., The Change-Up, Big Monster on Campus and now Criminal, Ryan Reynolds can’t stop swapping bodies. Did anybody watch Criminal?
Best Teeth, Ear and Nose Piercings Award
Orcs love their piercings in Warcraft. I’d love to see the Orcs get their teeth pierced. They’d act all cool and calm, but I guarantee they’d be hurting.