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MFF Lists: 5 Characters the ‘Highlander’ Would Hate to Battle

May 29, 2018

This may seem like an absurd topic to write about but I felt the world needed this list. Just imagine that all of the characters below are immortal and are part of the Highlander world which means they gain power by chopping off each other’s heads. Thus, our hero Duncan MacLeod has to engage them in battle before they can become too powerful and potentially rule the world.

If you aren’t familiar with the Highlander world here is a very simple breakdown:

  1. The Highlander (Christopher Lambert) is somewhat immortal (long story… they need to die violently to become immortal, and can die if they don’t chop off other immortals heads once they become immortal)
  2. He stays immortal and gains more power (The Quickening) when he battles and decapitates another immortal (The Gathering). The last remaining immortal receives “The Prize.” However, if a jerky immortal wins the world goes into an eternal dark age

King Ghidorah – Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

Normally I’m very good at figuring out the logistics of cinematic battles and weird movie moments (read my data post here). However, I have no clue how poor Duncan would be able to chop off Ghidorah’s three heads because it would involve climbing, chopping and a whole lot of sawing. Duncan’s best bet would be if he wasn’t noticed because he is so tiny and his sword strikes wouldn’t even register enough for Ghidorah to notice. An added downside of this fight is Duncan would have to climb up and down every day and there is the potential Ghidorah could fly away at any moment which means Duncan would have to follow it and hope it was there when he got to the location.

Conclusion: It might be best to leave Ghidorah alone.

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The Juggernaut – X-Men: The Last Stand

It would be almost impossible to kill an unstoppable mutant who has a metal hat over his head/neck. Even if Duncan were to land a solid strike his sword would bounce off the metal and potentially break. Also, the juggernaut is a fast sonuvabitch who at the sign of danger would simply run through a brick wall and escape. I can’t think of anything more terrifying than the Juggernaut running towards me with a sword, and I’m guessing any immortal battling him would feel the same way.

Conclusion: Maybe attack the Juggernaut when he’s sleeping.

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The Headless Horseman – Sleepy Hollow

I added The Headless Horseman because the idea of the Highlander battling someone who doesn’t have a head is really funny. Imagine the absurdity of the situation as poor Duncan swings in vain as he and the horseman parry for hours. It’s safe to say that Duncan would tire out eventually and would have to retreat in shame when he realizes it’s impossible to decapitate a person who doesn’t have a head.

Conclusion: This might be the end of Duncan.

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Jeebs – Men in Black 

How annoying would it be to think you’ve won a battle and quickly realize you have to chop someone’s head off again (and again)? It would be exhausting to battle Jeebs because the thrill of victory would soon lead to depression when you realize all your hacking is for naught. The best bet is to go by Jeebs place once-a-day and chop off his head. It would be annoying for both of you, but at least you’re trying to attain more power and not taking up too much of his time in the process.

Conclusion: I feel bad for Jeebs.

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The Thing – The Thing (1982)

What would you swing at? Would it spit gross stuff at you? Would it look all nasty and squishy? Seriously, you would never know where its head is and getting close to the thing would mean certain death (via grossness). If you chopped off the head would it just grow legs and walk away? There are so many questions here it makes battling the four characters above seem easy (and less gross)

Conclusion: Call Kurt Russell and Keith David and let them battle it.

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What movie characters did I leave out? Let me know in the comments.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. John permalink
    May 29, 2018 10:51 am

    Love the idea of him up against the Thing : )

  2. John Leavengood permalink
    May 30, 2018 10:13 pm

    The most worrisome thing about the Headless Horseman is that Ray Parks did the weapons stunt work. That did can whip and spin some blades like it’s nobody’s business!

    Another lightning blade to deal with would be Blade. He was especially wowing in the earlier sword fight in Blade II versus the two bloodpack members.

    • May 30, 2018 10:34 pm

      That’s awesome about Ray Park! I didn’t know that. Blade would be a beast.

      • John Leavengood permalink
        May 31, 2018 6:58 am

        Even MORE dangerous–that was PRIME Ray Park. He did Sleepy Hollow within a year of Phantom Menace when he was wushu corkscrew flair flipping all over the place with his… oh, crap. Highlander vs Darth Maul!!!! Does the light saber just swipe his ancient sword in half???

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