John’s Horror Corner: Blood Diner (1987), a horror comedy B-movie about cannibalism and summoning an Egyptian demon Goddess.

MY CALL: This is a very deliberately stupid movie with lots of bad, lots of boobs, and lots of silly gore. As long as you’re in a goofy mood and can appreciate the most destitute of B-cinema, then this should be right up your alley! MORE MOVIES LIKE Blood Diner: Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991), Frankenhooker (1990), Brain Damage (1988) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988).

After their psychopathic uncle gives them 5-million-year-old amulets, two flunky brothers use their occult powers to reanimate his evil brain and use his guidance to resurrect the Goddess Sheetar. So how do we do this…? “The body parts of many immoral girls” are needed to resurrect the goddess Sheetar (Tanya Papanicolas; Vamp, Vicious Lips). Talk about classy!

Their uncle’s talking brain advises their murderous mission to obtain all the slutty body parts necessary to assemble Sheetar’s breasty vessel. And, while gathering these parts, silliness transpires. Of course, that should go without saying. Pretty much everything I’ve written so far is ridiculous, and so is this movie!

Topless aerobics girls get massacred, then there’s projectile vomit, naked Frankenstein stitchwork, deep-fried naked women, fridges full of severed body parts, lots of boobs, split-open bodies, naked martial arts (i.e., naked fights), a zombie mosh pit, a naked mangled-mouthed demon queen with a toothed vagina stomach, exploding heads, the brothers serve leftover body parts at their diner to support the family business… you did hear me say demon queen with a toothed vagina stomach, right? Yeah, that’s a thing that happens in this zany film and it’s essentially the biggest reason to watch.

Director Jackie Kong (The Being) has created a very deliberately stupid movie with lots of bad, lots of boobs, and lots of silly gore. It’s pure lunacy. As long as you’re in a goofy mood and can appreciate the most destitute of B-cinema, then this should be right up your alley!